Post # 1
This is my first post here, and I hate that I feel it is going to have a negative undertone, but I really need to vent, and feel this is the only place I can really do it.
I just feel like my mom is not there to support me with this whole wedding planning thing. Don’t get me wrong, she comes when I ask her to and she is financially supporting us with the wedding, but emotionally she is just not there and I can’t figure it out. She loves my fiance and she says she is glad we are getting married, but she just seems to care less about helping me plan a wedding. I’m one of those people who thought they were never going to get married, and now that I am, I’m SO excited. When I share ideas though with my mom, there is little to no reaction, and if there is a reaction its her pointing out the negative.
Part of me thinks she might not be as enthused about helping me plan, because it means shes loosing me. We’ve always been really close, but now with the wedding and the prospect of us moving out of state after the wedding, I wonder if this is her reaction to “loosing” her first born.
I don’t know, aren’t moms supposed to be excited to help plan their daughters weddings?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I just posted about this the other day, actually (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-just-need-to-vent-for-a-minute) I really wish I had some advice for you, but I haven’t even figured out what to do about my own mom!
I’d say that if she’s the type of mom you can talk to about this stuff – do! She may not realize that it’s hurting you. I know, however, that some moms you really just can’t talk to about this (exhibit a: my mom).
(Hugs) I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!! It’s no fun!
Post # 4
It is really reassuring to know that I am not the only one in this sort of situation, though at the same time I really don’t wish this on anyone!
My mom has done similar things like you described in terms of gushing about other peoples wedding and how great the stuff was, yet knowing we are on a tight budget and would never be able to afford anything like that. I am grateful for every dime she is giving us, and am respecting the budget we’ve been given, and I am so mindful of it that I am stressing my self out. I don’t want to ask for more money, and we really cant afford to contribute much and that is why I am researching and researching and obsessing and stressing, trying to make this happen within our budget. Of course I am still having fun with it all and love getting creative in order to keep things in budget, But at the same time it is really stressful trying to plan a $10,000 dollar wedding for 200 people. When I express to her that this is stressful and hint that help (as in emotional and physical help, not additional financial), she turned the tables on me and accused me of being ungrateful for the money they are giving us. That was the most hurtful thing of all of this, I cant stand to think that is what she thinks of me, because I feel that not only am I extremely grateful, but that I have express profusely how grateful that I am every change I get (I can’t even count the “thank yous” and “I love you’s” i’ve said to her)
This all happened when I TRIED talking to her about it. Lets just say I cried more that evening than I had in years. Then I even called back and tried having another conversation, which just ended in tears again. The next day she called and barely acknowledged what happened. She did have a solution though for her not having to be involved in helping me plan, she enlisted the help of a friend of the family to help me plan. Though I am grateful for the help and I know she will be a great resource, its still a little disappointing because; one, every girl dreams of planning her wedding with her mom by her side and two, pawning things off on her friend truly verifies that she really doesn’t want to help me with this at all.
I guess I just have to make the best of this, despite how much it hurts :/
Post # 5
I have a similar problem. My mother and I have always been very close and can and have talked about anything. She loves my fiance and is happy we’re getting married, but she too seems to be emotionally detached. She is unable to donate a single dime financially to our funds, which is why I think she is acting this way. I understand she can’t give any money to help out, but I just want her to be as excited as I am when I discuss plans and details with her.
I know now not to mention how much anything costs because she just ends up making me feel guilty about spending any amount (even when I think I’m being extremely reasonable!) of money on my one special day.
Since you’ve already tried discussing it with your mom, just know that she loves you and try to let it go. Just keep talking about your ideas with friends and family that will share in your joy and excitement! Best of luck!