Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
My SO and I haven’t talked about our finances because we’ve had no reason to up to this point. We have no combined money or bills. We’ve recently started throwing around ideas for when we move in together (1-2 years from now is the current timeline) so I know we have to hash all that out soon.
When did you and your SO first discuss your individual finances? Was the conversation triggered by a particular event or situation or did it come up naturally in conversation at some point?
Post # 2
We never really had a big talk about it. We are married, but we keep our finances and checking accounts seperate. He pays his bills, I pay mine. We split everythin 50/50 with the exception of the cable/internet bill. It just came naturally to us. I’m VERY anal about money, so it felt more comfortable to keep them seperate. Been doing this since March with no issues.
Post # 3
We talked about our finances a few years back, when we started renting together.
At first it was sharing cost etc and talks about what was even. We mostly split down the middle at first because we were making close to the same amount and it didn’t matter.
Then I went back to school and only got a limited amount from my resp so I contributed half the rent and paid my cell phone bill (utilities were included in rent so we only had to worry about personal bills)
And then that was when things started to just evolve into sharing finances. We still had different bank cards but we didn’t care who paid for what because we looked at it as the “same tank” my husband truly does not worry about money (it’s the weirdest thing to see! He really doesn’t care, as long as there’s food and essential needs and some beer once in a while, he’s good)
So then we got married and decided it was silly to have 2 bank accounts (and then 2 separate fees as well) when we were so freely sharing money that we didn’t know what was who’s anymore anyways. We combined bank accounts, got 2 cards and we don’t worry about it anymore, we have what we need, we buy what we need and we don’t stress about it.
Mind you, it doesn’t work for everyone. Both parties have to be pretty laid back and not worried about the money or the fact that even if you earn more, it’s still split down the middle. It naturally evolved for us for sure but we have had a lot of discussion along the way and decided that it was right for us.
Post # 4
We did the finance discussion when we moved in together, and we split everything 50/50. We didn’t combine finances until after we were married. Now we both have a personal account, but the majority of money goes to our joint account. The personal accounts are mostly for gifts for each other or things that are 100% for ourselves.
Post # 5
MiniMeow: We talked about it pretty early in the relationship. He paid for almost everything we did together, so that initiated a conversation about who pays for what and why. That naturally led us to talk about our views on spending vs saving, long term financial goals, etc.
Post # 6
We had the discussion 4 years after we were married.
Post # 7
MiniMeow: Our money talk was triggered by wedding planning. Last week we agreed to have the talk afterwork today! So we’re having our money talk tonight…Too funny you posted this!
Post # 8
We’ve always been pretty open about money. I definitely remember asking about debt early on in our relationship and disclosing the amount of my student loan debt (which I’ve since paid off!).
I think it was just easy for me to tell that he valued his money and had grown out of that stage some guys go through where they’re really financially irresponsible. We split all bills 50-50 now and split the rent according to our salaries, so he winds up paying a little more. Once we’re married, I think we may get a joint account and contribute a certain percentage of our salaries to that every month for bills and other shared expenses.
Post # 9
We never had a big finance discussion. We dated for 5 years, and he pretty much paid for everything. I paid for my personal stuff (insurance, student loans, rent, etc) and he paid for his. When we got married, we combined our finances and everything comes out of one account. He creates a budget and we save, but we never sat down and hashed everything out. If we’re making a big purchase, yes, we talk about it. But nothing really outside of that. But, he was aware long before we got married that I was planning on being a stay-at-home mom, so I’m assuming he took that into account with his finances. We’re both responsible adults and just never felt the need to talk about it.
Post # 10
We’ve never had a money talk. We pay all the same bills we did prior to getting married. He pays the bigger stuff because he makes a lot more, and we pay for our personal stuff (clothes, cell phones).
We also don’t share money AT ALL.
Post # 11
We started talking about finances around the time we got engaged. Everything is completely joint for us now, but before then, we had access to each other’s online banking systems so we could practice tracking our budgets.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Thanks for all the input! Part of the reason I asked was I remember a post not too long ago about someone who had discovered her husband had a mountain of debt and poor spending habits he had kept hidden. It made me realize I know nothing of my SO’s finances and how he deals with money and he knows nothing of finances or habits either. We’re LD so we don’t have regular opportunities to see how the other person handles bills and spending.
Just wanted to get a feel for how others went about addressing the issue, or if it was even necessary to specifically bring it up or if the conversation would start on its own when there was a more immediate reason to have it.
Post # 13
MiniMeow: in my own personal experience I think it’s important to talk about debt management, spending habits, financial expectations, etc. in a relationship. It’s pretty much listed in every marriage advice/info article that money is one of the number one things people fight about.
I have been in a relationship like the poster you talked about – it was about 10 years ago and my SO at the time hid his debt and we didn’t talk about money spending habits until way late in the relationship. He was the type of person who thinks its ok to buy tons of stuff on credit and didnt value the same things I did. This ended up being a huge deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realize that until wasting almost 4 years trying to make it work. Some will say this should have been apparent in just dating/knowing a person, but it really wasn’t.
My now fiancé and I talked generally about any debt we had and also candidly about the type of things we find value in within 6 months of dating. It was a natural conversation for us, and it set us up to talk more specifically about debt and finances later on when we moved in together. Because we are so open with this, we are comfortable with finances and each other – I don’t feel the need to check with him before I buy anything with shared money because I know that he knows me and that I only splurge occasionally and that we are on the same page with our finances. We have been sharing finances for over 2 years now and have never had a disagreement about money. I attribute that to talking about it and being clear about what we did and didn’t find value in from early on.
Post # 14
We had a general idea of our spending habits and financial habits (pretty frugal, saved a lot, no debt, what our salaries were) pretty early on, but didnt really get into details of how much we actually had saved until we start shopping for a home just before getting engaged. Pretty much had to at that point since we had to set a budget and figure out what we could comfortable afford and talk about how we would handle money between us.
Post # 15
We talked money pretty early on.
We’ve had a plan for the future since maybe 2 years ago. We have joint bank accounts now too.