(Closed) The most dreaded 2-syllable word of my life – PRENUP

posted 8 years ago in Legal
Post # 17
1257 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yikes I am sorry you’re going through this right before the wedding! Based on your post, it doesn’t seem like you guys are communicating directly/very well. :- Ultimatums rarely bring a positive outcome. I am with the other bees who say get a good lawyer and remind your Fiance that the prenup is to protect you (and any future babies) just as much as him.

Post # 18
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wouldn’t marry anybody who would 1) spring this on me a week before the wedding, 2) makes provisions for himself but screw me with the agreement and 3) uses our wedding as basically bribery for you to sign. It feels like he’s banking on the wedding being so so important to you that you’ll sign just to not have a hiccup, otherwise why would he only give you a week?

I would take it to your own lawyer and re-draft it, and/or postpone the wedding without batting an eyelash. (*I* would reconsider marrying this person, but I’m not you and don’t have the whole story).


Post # 19
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry you’re going thru this mess just a week out from your wedding. Ridiculous for you not to get counsel to review it for you, and good luck getting that done in a few days.  I’d have to sit down with him and have a serious chat, I think there is something that’s a post wedding nup or something like that.  I have an aunt that did that after her hubs cheated on her, in case he cheated on her again she got the house and it set out the alimony and child support.

Acutally i probably would have thrown the damn thing at him, after I wrapped it around a rock. Seriously a week before what is he thinking?

Post # 20
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with PP. If you want to marry him, then get an attorney – ASAP! Either way, you need to have adequate legal representation when it comes to signing a prenup anyway so you needed to have one at some point. There’s huge liability associated with prenups. It’s advisable that if one party cannot afford representation, then the wealthier party should cover the attorney’s fees for the other. It’s actually a pretty common practice if there’s a huge disparity in income/resources.

I’m surprised his attorney agreed to let him spring this on you essentially last minute. I think it could be considered under duress since it’s literally a week before your wedding and you are not in a state of mind or armed with adequate resources to consider your options. If you do sign it and then you guys decide to get divorced, you may be able to get the prenup thrown out because you were under duress. Here’s a Smart Money article that lists why prenups fail, including the Under Duress issue.

I’m NOT an attorney so this is not legal advice. I’m surprised you can sign away your rights to legal representation in there. That’s ridiculous. It’s one thing to agree to mediation, but to represent yourself without counsel is crazy. I would never agree to waiving spousal support either, especially if you plan to have children and it is assumed that, if need be, you would be a Stay-At-Home Mom.

Post # 21
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@GroovyHippieChick + Eva Peron agreed!

I am sorry you are in this position. Hugs! I hope that things work out for YOUR best interest since he is clearly only looking out for his, and I am glad that you are thinking this through.  Like other bees have mentioned it is an absolute MUST that you seek your own legal counsel on this.  Good luck!

Post # 22
36 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would personally have one drawn up and give it to him…here ya go…sign it or it’s off. sorry….but he’s showing his colors by doing this. 

Post # 23
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Coincidentally, someone in the gym locker room this morning was talking about how sometimes if prenups are signed within a couple of weeks of the wedding, they may not be valid because they could have been signed under duress. I’m not a lawyer so I don’t actually know if that holds true, but it seems in your case anyway that he is pressuring you to sign it. Definitely do not sign without having a lawyer review it.

Post # 24
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@MrsFuzzyFace:  +1

View original reply
@pharmy:  +1

I am sorry he sprung this on you, that is terrible a week before.  And unfair.  I am not an attorney but it seems to me that it would be considered signing under duress if he says “sign it or no wedding” a week before without you even having an attorney retained or the means to afford one.  I doubt it would hold up in court if you did sign but I wouldn’t advocate signing it under these circumstances.  I feel for you, I couldn’t marry someone who did this to me and I can’t imagine the pressure you feel with the wedding that close.  (((HUGS)))

DH mentioned to me years ago when we were only together a few months that his attorney had wanted him to have a prenup if he ever got married (the atty apparently got screwed in the past and was overly cautious warning his clients).  I forgot all about that conversation until I read this. Good luck figuring out what to do, that is a really hard situation.

Post # 25
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Seems like all the PPs also saw the point of under duress, so we must be somewhat close to correct on that.

Question: do you think he deliberately withheld it until the last minute because he was either trying to pull a fast one or was afraid it would start a big issue and you’d refuse? Or do you think maybe his attorney was slow getting it together? Or maybe he decided at the last minute that he wanted one after first deciding against it? (maybe the reality of the wedding looming made him nervous?)

Post # 26
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@pharmy:  +100

Post # 28
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yikes! I would have to be suspicious about the representing yourself thing. I think you have every right to be upset! Don’t sign it until you have a lawyer look at it!

Post # 29
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with everyone on here…. DO NOT do anything without a lawyer!  Something is not right for him to be so mean to you about this!   And I”m really glad you looked over everything so you caught the few things you two didn’t discuss.

If he’s so willing to call off a wedding for the prenup, I’d be very suspicious.

Good Luck!  Keep us posted!

Post # 30
2852 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m glad you have balls! The 2 of you should have drafted this TOGETHER. I’d have no part of it and make him sit down and hash it out with you so you can have a document that protects and benefits BOTH of you.

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