(Closed) The MOST foolish post you’ll ever read.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have no advice to offer, but I do not think you are being foolish what so ever. You want you kids to show some of your husband as well as you and genetics are against you. Be upset, but then feel blessed that people think you’re so special to ask!

Post # 4
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow people really have NO shame do they? I am sorry you are feeling this way and I don’t really have any good advice but I don’t think your post is foolish at all.

Post # 5
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am in the same boat as you as far as our features go!

My FI is caucasian and has blue eyes and light brown hair…I have dark hair and dark dark eyes. You wouldnt know it but my mom is half white. I got NONE of those genes lol. 

Im not really sure what the question is, but I have really grown to love and appreciate the way I look and my ancestry. I cant say for sure that it comes with time because I’m only 24, but I grew up in a mostly white area, went to mostly white school, i dont have an accent and I consider myself an american.

When I was younger I struggled  A LOT with it because none of the boys like me because I wasnt blonde, or I didnt have blue eyes. As I got older and started meeting new people and realizing that there isnt ONE TYPE of beauty I really started to see that the people I grew up with were fairly narrow minded.

Think of all the beautiful latina actresses out there these days! I hope this can help you out a little bit, not sure if I made any sense lol

 

Post # 6
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Dark skin and dark hair are two of the most beautiful attributes I can think a person can have. Most women dream of having opposite of what they have… There in point, I wish I had dark skin and dark hair.

 

I have two friends in particular, one had Mexican heritage, the other Italian and Asian, and they are two of the most attractive, beautiful, smart, intelligent, amazing people I know.

 

Try not to concentrate on what the small minded people say. They should learn to hold there tongue when there opinions do not matter. Your closest friends and family know you and love you no matter what country your family hails from.

 

I wish you the best!!!!!!!  <3

Post # 7
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Aw, hon. I’m as white as they get (skin tone wise) – almost pink. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. And every Arabic or Persian person I have ever met has asked me if I am either Persian or Arabic upon hearing my name, because depending on the spelling, it can be either. I don’t look at all like I might be either, but I’m always asked anyway. On top of that – I get the “where are you from” or “what’s your ethnicity” question A LOT. I say the same thing you say – American. When they press, I say Tennessean (then they look at me like I’m just slow). Then they say – no… what ethnicity, what background, what ancestory and I ask them to guess. It’s interesting to see the answers, and only person has guessed correctly. I usually hear that I look European (is there a “European” ethnic look?). I’ve always thought it was neat that they ask. Little old me? I think I look like everyone else. So when I’m singled out, I assume something made me stand out. I like that. I always feel like it’s a compliment.

Take it with a grain of salt. People think you look exotic, or different from the norm. That’s an awesome compliment, in my book. Who wants to look the same as everyone else? Boring! 🙂 Also, you have no idea what your kids will look like. They could be a tie dyed mesh of the two of you, they could look just like you, just like him, or take after some distant red headed relative, like my sister did. Don’t worry about things you can’t control. Take their questions as a compliment, because it is.

For what it’s worth – I’ve always wanted olive skin, dark hair, and dark eyes. So, there. 😛

Post # 8
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I was with you until I got have half way through your post. Here goes…

I am of Mexican too.  I think we have pretty much the same features you describe.  I also grew up with the idea that lighter skin was better.  For the longest time, I wanted to be “white”.  But, now, I have grown to love myself…exactly as I am. It doesn’t bother me that people are curious about my nationality.  

My fiance is Vietnamese. When we have children they will be half Vietnamese and half Mexican.  My first thought: how beautiful.  I always wonder about how they’ll look. Almond shaped eyes? Curly dark hair? Straight hair? Light skin or darker skin?  I am looking forward to having children.  

But you are saying that the reason you don’t want kids is because they might look like you? You’re not a green alien with purple warts.  It would be wonderful if you’re kids are blend of you and your husband. 

I don’t think you should feel insecure about who you are. So you’re Mexican-American. You said so yourself that no one has been racist towards you…why are you being so towards yourself? 

Thinking that you are muddying up the water is not a healthy way to view yourself.  Has your husbands family given you this idea or feeling? 

Anyway, I can understand feeling like an inferior race….but I do not for one minute think you should let it bother you to the point that you don’t want children.  

I think you should talk it over with your husband.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

Your post reminded me of the day that I knew it wasn’t going to work out between an Ex and I.  As we sat eating dinner he looked across the table at me and said, “I hope our kids don’t look like you.  Especially if it’s a boy.  Red haired boys are ugly.”

And so he married someone else and has 3 blonde little boys.

And I married my blonde haired brown eyed Norweigen/Jewish husband.  Who hopes we have a little red haired girl and “a red haired boy would be cool!”

But with both our mixed heritages who knows what the kids will look like!

Your Hubs married you because he loves the way you look (amongst other things).  Bet your kids will be beautiful in his eyes too!

And I have always found the answer to the question, “Where did you come from?” to be, “My mother.” 

Post # 12
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My best friend (and BM) is half african american, half caucasian. She has very very very fair skin, light freckles with nlonde hair and very light blue eyes. Yes. When I first met her I had no idea she wasn’t 100% caucasian. I remember a kid in study hall had said somethign racist and she got up and yelled at him, he asked her why she cared and she flat out said “Because I’m BLACK that’s why!”. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people have thought she was joking, or just didn’t believe her. 

 

I’m sorry people can be so dang rude sometimes, like PPs said people have no tact these days! 

Post # 14
Member
1961 posts
Buzzing bee

Um. I don’t know what to say.  I don’t want to be snarky or rude or offend you in anyway, but this post made me really upset.  You saying that ish about yourself really has the potential to make other people feel as insecure, ashamed, whatever about themselves as you obviously do.  The world is racked with white privilege (from looks to life) in order to keep black brown and whatever other people down.  I am sorry that you let that get to you as a child and that it continues to haunt you as an adult.  

My dark eyes, my curly hair, my tan skin.  These are marks of beauty not of the beast.  I hope that if/when you do have children, you will see how beautiful they are, even if they don’t come out as white as you hope.  Again, I am sorry for the psychological effect that your upbringing has had on you but I couldn’t let this post go with flowers and good wishes.

Post # 15
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Alright, I’m going to take you up on your offer and call you a fool. Snap out of it! If you actually want kids, and this isn’t a projection of other feelings, then this is ridiculous.

Your kids are going to be fine. You have internalized some nasty crud relating to color. Lots of people do it. There is a huge market for skin whitening creams for a reason.

But there is no reason why your kids need to internalize this as well. You can shape their attitudes. You can make a difference. You do not need to pass your baggage to your kids. And it is baggage. You have associated your dark skin with bad. It isn’t bad. That’s the plain truth.  So the issue is really if you want to let this negative baggage impact one of the most important decisions of your life or not.

You can’t control other people’s comments, you can only control your reaction. If anything, I think you may want to work on unpacking this baggage, possibly with a therapist. It is negative, foolish, and wrong. You aren’t a bad person for having this baggage, we all do, but once it starts to have such a bad impact on your life, you have to take action.

Post # 16
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you need to change your viewpoint of thinking that because someone asks you where you are from – it’s a negative thing.  Personally, I don’t think this is the case.  People could be just curious – or trying to strike up a conversation.  It doesn’t have to be a rude thing.  The fact of the matter is that for whatever reason, you look different than most other people around you – and it makes them wonder… hence the question.  They probably think you are the most exotic and beautiful thing – which is prompting the curiosity….

Not knowing where you live – it’s hard to make any assumptions – but, there are lots of places that are more of a melting pot.  And, it seems to me that there are sooo many mixed kids these days (all drop dead gorgeous, btw)… you really have no idea of how your kids are going to turn out…. and it’s really what kind of character they develop, that REALLY matters.

The topic ‘The MOST foolish post you’ll ever read.’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors