Post # 1
I’m sure all couples receive declines from their invitees. I knew I would receive my fair share too. However, I wasn’t prepared for the what has been the most insulting way for someone to decline my invitation.
Today I started calling and texting friends and family who haven’t RSVP’ed bc I need to have a final head count to give to the caterer. So I texted my friend, we’ll call her Nan, and ask if she and her husband would be able to make it. She responded back, “Olive, we took the time off of work for your wedding but it depends if Couple X and Y (mutual friends) are coming bc the plan was to go with them. (Side note: Couple X and Y’s recently suffered a house fire and due to the overseeing of renovations they may not be able to come). Thinking I must have been confused I asked, “so let me get this straight, you would only come to celebrate my wedding, if the other couple came? So if they didn’t come, you wouldn’t have?” Her answer: “No.”
I was and still am very insulted. The celebration of my wedding shouldn’t be SOLELY about you being able to hang out with your friend. It should be about supporting the occassion of the marriage first and foremost! So I texted her back and told her that I’m withdrawing my invitation, and I think it’s best if she and her husband didn’t attend even if the other couple makes it. She responded, “I was going to send a gift if I didn’t make it. No hard feelings.” For anyone wondering, there would be tons of mutual friends of mine and Nan’s that have confirmed “yes,” and she is aware of this fact so she would have known a large number of people there.
I’m so confused about how insensitive and callous people are becoming. It’s one thing to decline, but to tell me her attendance was based solely off somone’s else ability to come? I’m glad to see her true colors have emerged.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater
Some people just don’t get it… Sorry this had to happen to you.
Post # 4
What a charmer!! I really wonder if people like this are aware of what they sound like!
Post # 5
I’m sure your feelings were hurt but withdrawing the invitation was just as rude.
Post # 6
You handled that great.. People just don’t use their heads sometimes.
Post # 7
As much as her response was unwarranted, I feel like you actually took it to a new level by uninviting her, especially over text. I think overall it was handled badly.
Post # 8
Yikes! I would be offended as well. I’m not quite sure if I would have said point blank that I was withdrawing the invitation (however, I obviously don’t know this “friend” and their history as well as you do), but I would explain about the head count for catering reasons and say that if they couldn’t give a definite answer now, then to please not attend. I would also explain my hurt feelings that their primary reason for attending did not seem to be support in pledging my life to my partner. This would also be a conversation I would have, if not in person, then over the phone, as texting can be abrupt and not fully express particular sentiments.
However, it was wrong of her to bring up a gift- to “dangle the carrot”, as it were. Overall, I would not be impressed by her behavior and would be hurt. It seems like you were reasonable in expecting that people would decline- but the fact she was so callous is appalling. Sending good wishes your way!
Post # 9
it’s a lame excuse for not coming but i have to say, by withdrawing her invitation, it doesn’t make you the bigger person. i’m sorry but your reaction was equally rude. i understand the emotions but perhaps next time you should calm your feelings down before responding.
Post # 10
@Mrs. Castle: @MrsRugbee: @Rubbs:
Thanks. I’m still upset, and the sad part is that I’m sure she doesn’t even think what she did was out of place.
I think it would have been a bigger mistake to think her presence was still welcomed to the wedding and reception after her remarks. Clearly she’s not there to support my wedding so I don’t believe I should have to put on an act or charade on the off chance she attended.
Post # 11
I disagree with those saying you were wong to withdraw the invitation. She very clearly showed you what she thinks of your “friendship” and I would not bat one eye over ditching someone who clearly doesn’t care about you.
Post # 12
Her comment to you may not have been the best but your response to me was rude and more insulting.
Post # 13
Maybe it’s just me… but I am one of those folks who often misinterpret such Questions, so I am willing to give this couple the benefit of the doubt…
Because I read her reply to your one and only Question…
“so let me get this straight, you would only come to celebrate my wedding, if the other couple came? So if they didn’t come, you wouldn’t have?”
Anotherwords… You would only come if the other couple came… NO
YES we would love to celebrate with you
Your Question is indeed 2 QUESTIONS… and radically opposed to one another.
So I think this needs more clarification (maybe a follow up phone call)
By The Way – I have to agree with the others “withdrawing” an Invite is the ULTIMATE in uncool (very RUDE) … I think you over-reacted !!
Post # 14
@Potatoes: I second that. Respect goes both ways… I don’t think someone like that really deserves to be treated any better.
Post # 15
Thank you for responses. On whether it’s rude or not, I’ll have to respectfully disagree. Ideally of course I would never want or anticipate to withdraw any invitation but I also never anticipated this situation to happen. I also didn’t make the decision on whim. I spoke to my Fiance about this before I texted her back. What’s perceived to be etiquette or not, we didn’t think it was right to have people attend who flat out tell us they are not really there for us. Maybe the medium of communication would have been better via telephone, but in the end I doubt it would have changed anything.
Post # 16
I have to agree with the majority on this. She behaved badly, but you behaved much worse.