(Closed) The Most Insulting Way Someone Declined My Invitation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m in the minority. If someone was treating my wedding that I was spending tons of money on as a huge social gathering for themselves, I wouldnt want them to be there.

Post # 33
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Potatoes:  +1

Post # 34
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t have uninvited her buth there’s nothing to do about it now, I suppose it’s better – who wants to celebrate the beginning of their marriage with someone who couldn’t care less….and as for sending a gift – was she only coming because she felt expected too? 

Post # 35
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

To be honest, I think you’re both in the wrong.

Post # 36
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The guest hadn’t responded by the rsvp date, which is rude in itself. Secondly, to tell the OP that she was waiting to see about the other couple shows that she would not be attending the wedding to celebrate the OP’s marriage, but to hang out with the other couple instead. Since that is not the point of a wedding invitation, I totally agree with OP withdrawing the invitation.

When someone had the audactity to say something so competely rude to a host, such as, “I’m waiting to see who else is attending before I give you my answer,” I don’t feel that they deserve to be treated with the usual rules of etiquette! 

Post # 37
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

It really depends on why she was waiting to find out what the other couple’s plans were. Quite a lot of our guests made lift-sharing arrangements and wouldn’t have been able to go if their friends hadn’t come.

I think that texting to withdraw the invitation like that was petty but what’s done is done. I doubt that she was trying to be hurtful.

Post # 38
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with PP, there was room for confusion in the discussion that happened.

You should have called her, texting is an easy way to get mixed messages.  Also you could have informed her that the time for RSVP was up and that if they weren’t sure they could come or not, your numbers had to be in and you would have to count them as a no.  AGAIN, you should have called her once this got complicated.

Withdrawing the invite?  That’s rude.

Post # 39
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Considering the OP knew it wasn’t a transport or costing issue (as she has stated) then I think she was 100% right to withdraw the invite.

Otherwise it’s allowing people to think that kind of behaviour is acceptable. You don’t go to a wedding because your friends are going- you go because you want to celebrate that day with the happy couple.

And her response back was awful- as though you were only inviting her for the gift ANYWAY! Unbelievable.

Post # 40
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Dhs bff didn’t come because his gf was at summer camp.

 

Some people just don’t get it. I completely empathize!

Post # 41
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would have been insulted too.  I’ve gotten kind of insulted over people asking what kind of bar we’re having.  When I respond “beer and wine” I’ve gotten “that’s it?”  

Um, yeah unless you wanna pay for it.  Rude.  People are all over the place when it comes to weddings and I’m sorry you had to deal with that.  

Post # 42
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with PP…I think your response to her first text was incredibly confrontational. It is possible that the two couples had planned to share a hotel room, ride together, etc. and was waiting to see if the other couple was going to come before making any decisions. As This Time Round pointed out, it is possible that with the way the question you asked was phrased that you misunderstood her whe she said “no.”

As a friend, I think you probably should have at least put a little more effort into clearing up any confusion before uninviting her. I can certainly understand being put-off and upset by a situation like this, but it seems to me that you overreacted.

Post # 43
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that the saddest part about all this is that there was never a phone call made to anyone about this on either side of things.  I . hate. texting.  It’s the absolute end of etiquette. 

Post # 45
Member
3279 posts
Sugar bee

She wasn’t rude for wanting to come only if another couple could make it, she can decline for any reason she wants. 

But she was rude to tell you that.  She should have just said, she wasn’t sure if they could make it and would get back to you by XX/XX/YYYYY date.  After apologizing for missing the RSVP deadline.

Your response however, was equally rude as her telling you why she didn’t know if she could make it.  To withdraw an invitation is unspeakably rude. So I think this is pretty much a wash.

I woudl also like to point out, that your cut off date is quite early (should be 2 weeks max from the date) and that people may not know their schedule for a variety of reasons.

 

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