(Closed) The Most Insulting Way Someone Declined My Invitation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Olive12:  Honestly I wouldnt have changed anything the way you did. U were right to uninvite her. She didn’t want to make a decision so you made one for her and moved on. And for those who thinks texting is on the poor side of etiquette, welcome to the 21st century. I can’t even get in contact with anyone nowadays if I don’t txt them. What does it really matter how you get in touch with them? The message was delivered regardless.

Post # 48
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@andielovesj:  Her cutoff date for RSVPs may be based on her venue’s requirements.  I know my venue for my reception requires a final count 2 weeks before the date….. so I’m definitely not giving my guests until 2 weeks before to respond.  I have to have time to make calls to those who inevitably will not RSVP.  So really, it just depends on her particular situation.

OP, I really don’t have a problem with the way you handled the situation.  Anyone who is solely coming to hang out with someone who is NOT the bride and/or groom really doesn’t belong there.  Just my honest opinion.

Post # 49
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@lindseyl06:  I agree.  There are people I can leave voicemails for until I’m blue in the face, but they’ll respond immediately on facebook or via text.

Post # 50
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lindseyl06:  But quite possibly misinterpreted.  And you can only say so much in a text.  There is more room for conversation, and less room for interpretation when you have an actual conversation with someone over the phone.

Texting is a way of hiding instead of comforting issues head on.  i do not think that her “friend” would have been so rude if she had been confronted over the phone or in person.  And if she had, she would have actually heard how upset the OP was by her response. 

Post # 51
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

was it about riding/ travleing together?

Post # 52
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012
Post # 53
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

You have every right to be upset, and right on for not smacking her. lol. Its YOUR wedding, not X’s. If they have other mutual friends there, why is this one couple so special? Were they riding together possibly? If so, you taking the invitation back wasnt necassarily right.

Post # 54
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Wait… why is withdrawing an invitation rude? I’m just not getting that logic. Can someone explain it? As the bride/groom, you and/or your family usually pays an outrageous fee to have the people you care about and that care about you share your special day.

Why would you still want a person that obviously doesn’t care about you still share your special day? You would seriously spend money on them? 

It isn’t about who the bigger person is. It’s about who means something in your life. If anything, I find it more rude to put up a stupid front like that just to appear better than others when you’re actually seething inside with dislike/hate.

Just my two cents 🙂

Post # 55
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Olive12:  

So couple A was planning on attending your wedding with couple B, but may not be able to if couple B is unable to attend because their house caught fire. And because they were planning on coming with couple B (I assume, from the phrasing and the fact they had to take time off work for your wedding, it’s out of town for them?) and were uncertain where this left them, you  had a fit and uninvited them. 

Wow. Pretty sure couple A isn’t the only one who failed the etiquette on this one. They should’ve let you know something by the RSVP date, even if it was that they still didn’t know and ask for more time, but if I had a “friend” that acted like attending her wedding was an obligation rather than an invitation, I’d be super happy to use my vacation days on myself instead.

For future reference, the only thing the guest owes you is an accept or a decline. They are not obligated to justify this decision to you, and it is not your place to pass judgment on their reasons for accepting or declining. The correct response, when someone declines your event, for any reason at all, is: “I’m sorry you can’t make it, we will miss you.”

 

Post # 56
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

ok I have to ask this because this was the first thing that popped into mind… is there a specific reason why they would only attend if the other couple did? such as transportation? or some specific reason other than just really being set on having this other couple there too? I just cannot imagine that someone would base their choice on attending the wedding of a friend on whether or not someone else was going, assuming they know other people and whatnot. Idk I just think there should have been more discussion and some better use of communication before it went where it went. I get that after hearing her response you felt it appropriate to uninvite them but that really is a huge huge no no. In my opinion thats worse than declining an invite for a silly reason like she was planning on possibly doing. And thats not even a for sure thing. Really, people can decline for any reason they see fit, your approval isn’t needed  but once your invitation is out its really not right to take it back. Not that its right for her to do what she did but the fact is, she didn’t even do it yet, and your conversation was so limited (based on what you wrote) I think its possible that it could have been resolved in a much more mature and calm way.

 

 

Post # 57
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@This Time Round:  I agree, when I read what you had texted her it seemed really unclear.

If that was what she meant than I would be really hurt, but I would not have uninvited her.  

Post # 59
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@tehlilone:  +1

Post # 59
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I wouldn’t have come to your wedding either.  Get over yourself and maybe you could make some real friends…

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