(Closed) The most long, exhausting, and upsetting weekend *long*

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry!

I think you guys need to continue your communications and also reevaluate your relationship. There may be more going on than meets the eye…  I don’t think there is any easy answer!

Post # 4
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m so sorry about what’s going on.  At least he is very open with you about his problems and is admitting that he seriouslyneeds help.  I think you guys can get through this.  =)  It will just take a lot of work.

Post # 5
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Hugs!! 

Post # 6
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

This sounds a lot like sex addiction, and I highly suggest you encourage your FI to seek professional help. My FI also struggles with the same and counselling and group meetings have turned his life around. 

Do a bit of research on sex addiction and see if it measures up.

Massive hugs to you 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Therapy! Therapy, therapy, therapy! By necessity, there will always be other attractive-yet-platonic women in your FI’s life. (Incidentally: calling all those women out of nowhere to say “I can’t see you because I’m too attracted to you?” That’s an overshare call I’d be weirded out to receive.) He needs the skills to be able to deal with his sex-related obsessions and compulsions. Counseling will give him these.

Post # 8
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

*Hugs* I’m so sorry that you are going through this! It does sound like you are on the right track with your open communication and his admitting that he has a problem and it seems that he wants help and for things to work out. That is a huge step in the right direction to start with. I know it is a lot to absorb and digest, with all that you have learned and are dealing with, but I think you guys are on the right track, and getting some counselling for both of you is definitely a good idea. You need to talk to someone too, so you can work through your emotions too, because you are going to go through a range of feelings as things progress as well. Take care of yourself and good luck hon!! *more hugs!*

Post # 9
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

He has been open with you which is great, however there is a LOT of work to be done, much more so than just a few phone calls.

I hope you can both seek some help and healing through counselling.

Post # 11
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. I am glad you two talked about it. I hope he is able to get over this and not ruin your relationship. He is a good guy to be honest with this. Good luck to you two.

Post # 12
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, so sorry you have to deal with this. I would not be able to handle that personally at all.  I think you guys should explore counseling together and he should consult a physician 

Post # 13
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it says a lot about your relationship that you were able to handle this so well. His confessing this fear to you, and you taking it the way you did is a great sign.

I agree that it sounds like it may be a sex addiction. He should seek help for it. And you should talk to someone if you feel the need. This is probably going to be hard for you, so you’ll definitely want to take care of yourself.

Post # 15
Member
1964 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry this is happening.  I would recommend counseling.

Post # 16
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Something in your original post struck me (please correct me if I’m wrong about the age).  You said you two started dating when you were 17 and he had “a desparate urge to have sex all the time.”

That sounds like any normal 17-year old boy to me.  He should have outgrown that by now. Are you sure sex addict is the correct term for him? 

Honestly, at first glance it sounds like unfaithfulness, immaturity, lack of committment and a communication problem between you more than sex addiction.  If he is really a sex addict you can probably be about 90% sure he has already physically cheated and it’s gone much further than what he’s telling you. 

If he isn’t really a sex addict then there are some serious relationship issues going on.  Get to the bottom of this. 

You’re wise to withdraw some trust in light of his behavior.  Trusting someone who isn’t worthy of it isn’t a smart thing to do.

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