- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
I need some advice. I’m trying to make up my mind about the whole name change question, and I keep going back and forth on this issue. Maybe some of you who have been through this can give me some advice.
My FI and I are getting married July 2014 (yay!). Part of me wants to take his name in some way, part of me thinks it’s too much damned work. Here are the main issues I’m considering:
1) On the one hand, I find the idea of sharing a last name very romantic, and also, there would be no question that we’re married. On the other hand, the history of women taking men’s names is rooted in some misogynistic bullcrap that raises my feminist hackles.
2) We’re not having children (seriously – I had myself sterilized a few months ago). so having a “family name” to share with kids is a non-issue. But on the other hand, I feel like since we aren’t having kids, there might be a perception among some that we’re not a real family, and a “family name” might help compensate for that / “prove” to certain people that we’re just as much a family as a couple with children.
3) My last name is rooted in my family’s Irish heritage, which I’ve always liked. But, it’s often a hassle because, even though it’s not that rare a name and I don’t think it’s hard to spell, I always have to spell it out to people on the phone, at Dr.’s offices, etc. And I’ve gotten two pieces of mail in the past month that have freaking spelled it wrong, and it pisses me off to no end. So changing it would eliminate some frustration.
4) FI’s last name is one of the most common last names in the U.S., which is both a pro and a con. On the con side, it’s not as unique as my current last name; on the pro side, I can’t imagine anyone asking me to spell it over the phone, or getting it wrong on mail, etc. It would be so nice to have a name that everyone can spell.
5) I work as a speech therapist in a school, and many of my kiddos have difficulty pronouncing my last name because it features three sounds that are among the most common speech errors for Elementary school children. My FI’s name, on the other hand, only has one commonly difficult sound. Then again, I earned my Master’s degree with my current name, and it’s the one listed on my diploma.
6) When discussing the name situation with my FI, his thoughts on the matter basically are: “Whatever you want to do, sweetie”. Which is, honestly, part of the reason I’m marrying him 🙂 , but that really doesn’t help me make a decision.
7) We did discuss him taking my name, but I don’t think either of us want to go that route for some of the reasons listed above (my name being more of a hassle to spell, etc.)
I’ve concluded that there are two good solutions for our name dilemma:
Both of us change our middle names to my Maiden name, and use FI’s surname. FI told me he’s totally fine with this option, even when I explained that it would be a LOT more hassle, especially for him since he’d have to go in front of a judge (which is stupid and sexist, but that’s for another thread). So if we did this our names would be: Ms. Myfirstname Maiden Hislastname, Mr. Hisfirstname Maiden Hislastname. I kinda like this option. It’s almost the best of both worlds (keeping my name and taking his). But, like I said, it’ll be a huge hassle. Not to mention more expensive.
Both of us just keep our names as-is. This is the lazy option. No changes necessary, no extra expenses, no paperwork.
We also briefly talked about coming up with a new name that is a combo of both our current names, and although FI came up with a hilarious option, our names don’t really lend themselves well to a portmanteau.
Edit: I just briefly looked up some info about name changes in my state, and apparently here it’s not that difficult; you basically go to the county clerk’s office, fill out some paperwork, pay a small fee (under $30 I think), wait for a judge to sign off on it, then get confirmation in the mail. Certified copies of the name change are like $5. So that part might not be as much of a hassle after all.