(Closed) the nerve of some people!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I feel for ya. Totally annoying. This isn’t completely related, but I’m bummed that 4 out of my 7 bridesmaids won’t be able to make it to my shower. I understand 2 of them (live on opposite coasts; shower is in chicago) but the other two just failed to plan their lives accordingly (my sis chose the date because they said it worked well for them, but now other events came up for them that weekend.) Sad.

Post # 4
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sure where the shower is located is where your Future Mother-In-Law lives, so what do they expect her to do?  Would they prefer to have the shower at their house to save on gas?  I think not!  I agree, that was very distasteful of them.  I know things can get expensive so they could carpool, or pick and choose what they attend and just send the gift to your home.  Some people are just so rude, it’s not like weddings and parties associated to weddings happen everyday.

Post # 5
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

What an immature and rude friend you have. What if your wedding events were all in another state or another country? Was this girl (and the girl she is speaking on behalf of) raised in a barn?!

Perhaps she could offer to throw you another shower (a none lingerie one) at her home? 

Post # 6
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah, I hear you. We’re having ours in another state because that’s where *all* of my family lives, and we’ve had a couple of people whine. My (inner) response at this point is "Fine, please don’t come, that’s $XX less we have to spend on you!" I hate that about myself, but it’s true. : P

It sounds like you handled it well by reminding her that you’re not responsible for showers, and she probably felt embarassed by not having known that and got defensive. Just let her know (as graciously as you can manage!) that if she can’t attend then you certainly understand, but you hope that she’ll be able to make it, and leave it at that. 

Post # 7
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

Yikes! a simple…"sorry we can’t make it" would’ve done…weddings bring the worst and the best in people!

Post # 8
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

that is so completely rude of her to say that. I would be so pissed off too. It’s like should you have asked her if the wedding date was convenient for her too? geez. I don’t understand how some people can be so selfish and think everything needs to be "convenient" for them.

Post # 9
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Wow.  That’s pretty ridiculous.  Does she think you arranged for your Future Mother-In-Law to throw a party for you in SD for the sole purpose of making her life difficult?!  I would be fuming if I were you.

I think your response was very polite and appropriate.  Unfortunately, if she was rude enough to send such an e-mail, she probably doesn’t have the manners to even realize what she did was rude. 

Post # 10
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You handled it very well and it’s very interesting how weddings immediately brings to light the need for people to make their viewpoints a priority.  She’s not even a bridesmaid, just a guest, and she feels you should be planning your events around her convenience?

Don’t sweat it, it’s just one person.  The people who care about you and are really happy for you will be there, as indicated by your MOH’s reaction since she was in the car with you.  It’s not your rsponsibiity to take into acount EVERYONE’s individual circumstances. 

Have a great shower and enjoy every moment with the people who are there for you.

Post # 11
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Why can’t people understand the meaning of the word "Invitation"

Invi·ta·tion  n.

  1. The act of inviting.
  2. A spoken or written request for someone’s presence or participation.
  3. An allurement, enticement, or attraction.

Does it say you have to ACCEPT???  No, it just means that you’re invited. And if the allure, enticement, or attraction just isn’t there for you then say NO.

I’m experiencing the same thing but only with our ceremony. (People complaining about travel costs and we’re not having any pre-wedding events) It’s an invitation. No where on it does it say you have to come.  People need to learn that they can really JUST SAY NO.  sheesh!

**  sorry for my rant, but it hit a nerve with me and I’m sorry you have to deal with your "fairly good friend"

Post # 13
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

wow. as someone who drives from san diego to oc/la very often, i can definitely say that carpooling is a very valid option, and there is even amtrack if your friends are so very set against paying for the gas. that was definitely out of line – i don’t think i can even comprehend even thinking of making a phone call like that. i would simply think "oooh yay, im invited! two hours away? okay, let’s make this work…" or "ooh yay, im invited! two hours away? darn, i guess i can’t go…"

Post # 14
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

What I love is the "on behalf of people invited to the wedding."  Maybe she should have organized the signing of a petition or something!  I have to say that this doesn’t surprise me though – we have had several people, none of whom are folks that we absolutely must have at the wedding, ask us (in all seriousness) if we want to reschedule because it conflicts with other plans they have made.  It’s hard to be polite in telling them that no, really, although we’re sooooo sorry they can’t be there, we’re not going to change the date!

Post # 15
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am sorry that your freind was so offensive. Sometimes I think that empathy is a difficult skill for some folks, unfortunately. If she had put herself in your shoes, she would have realized that you did not plan these events. However, empathy usually comes from a lack of understanding, so I am sure she has not yet planned a wedding and has no idea what goes into it…

I feel a touch evil saying this, but your friend will have her day when it comes time to plan her own wedding. It’s hard to get through this process without some drama, unless you elope;)

Hang in there and enjoy your shower!! 

 

Post # 16
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

i’m so sorry you’re going through this!! this whole situation sucks.. but you know what.. what if she’s the only one that’s bold enough to tell you? cuz imagine all the others that she’s "representing", speaking about your wedding behind your back? i know, maybe ignorance is bliss but maybe this is a good learning lesson about friendship?

again, this is a [email protected] situation and no one should be going through this.. i can’t believe gas prices are this high! but you know what you should tell your friend? tell her that gas is cheap compared to her daily fix of starbucks in the morning. at least it’s a gallon you pay for at the pump, not a measly little 12 ounce drink!

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