(Closed) The nicest mean email from my FMIL.. latest example.. any advice?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I’m very sorry.  She does not seem like a lovely person at all!

Post # 4
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hah. Passive aggressive much?

Just reply back that you’re sorry she somehow got the impression this wedding is all about your mom. She’s the mother of the groom and that is very special, and she’ll be honored as such. Then tell her that your mom wanted to know so that they can dress accordingly, however since it seems she hasn’t decided at this point what she’ll be wearing you’ll just keep her in the loop regarding what your mom chooses. Then just say Thanks and looking forward to talking to her soon!

 

That’s it. Don’t take the bait. Just kill her with kindness and set her straight when she goes off the rails of the crazy train.

 

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Okay so she’s a bit of a cow… don’t respond let her be! I really don’t think it’s that big a deal she didn’t want to co ordinate what she was wearing. Tell your mom she’s being a cow and not saying anything and you and your mom should go pick whatever she wants and likes best without giving Future Mother-In-Law a care in the world.

Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly I dont think your mom needs to know what Future Mother-In-Law will be wearing.. they dont have to match or avoid matching either. She seems to be passive aggressive so I doubt she would do anything major to ruin the wedding. I would just avoid contact with her as much as possible and then just block any negativity

Post # 7
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I see nothing mean in what she wrote, but I guess since you’re so sensitive to everything she says, you do. It really doesn’t matter what either of them wear, so I’d let it go.

Post # 8
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

yeah, I def wouldn’t even respond.  She’s so passive aggressive! sheesh.  

The problem with some passive aggressive people is precisely that it can be hard to really call them out on their sh!t.  She can easily make excuses (i.e. that you’re reading into a tone which she didn’t mean etc.).  I mean in your case you might be able to call her out on her bs, but really what’s the point?  It doesn’t sound like you’ll have to see her all that much. 

Just be the better person and don’t respond.  

Sometimes I think people who have this underlying resentment or rudeness (some MIL’s seem to specialize in this rudeness) WANT to get a rise out of you to somehow disparage you or provoke you into a fight.  Don’t do it.  It’s tough but take the high road girl!

hugs 

Post # 9
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh hun, I’m so sorry this is the kind of passive aggressive behaviour you have to deal with.  Let your mum buy whatever she wants and to look amazing on the big day.  But DO NOT reveal to Future Mother-In-Law what your mom is wearing….

I somehow feel she will use that information for evil and not good…..

Post # 10
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Be thankful this woman lives in another country (I’m assuming across the pond?) Oy.

 

Post # 11
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah… my mom is passive agressive just like this.  I would do as @lola2011: suggested and see where that takes you.

Good luck!!

Post # 12
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Whoa, the first sentence is really rude.  Very passive aggressive.  This “posh wedding” is “all for your mum” and she “refuses” to tell yoru FH what she is wearing.  Wow.  I’d be tempted to write something nasty back, but you should probably be the bigger person and leave it alone. It doesn’t matter whether they coordinate. In the future, I definitely wouldn’t go out of my way to be nice to someone like this, or to include them in anything.

Post # 13
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hand this one off to your Fiance. “Your family, your problem.” I think that all future communication with The Crazy should go through him. 

Post # 14
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I like @lola2011: suggestion. Kill her with kindness. Ignoring her won’t make her go away and apologizing makes it sound like you did something wrong. If you reply like you didnt read anything in to what she is saying I would give the point to you.

Post # 15
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Beluga: I agree! I would forward any email or other communication she sends to him and let him respond. Eventually, she will learn that she can’t say anything negative to you.

 

Post # 16
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

She seems so snoody!! Im so sorry!!

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