- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
I am finally home and getting settled into married life 🙂 I’ve been reflecting a lot about our destination wedding and trying to soak in all of the details that just flew right by. One thing that has really stuck with me is a conversation I had with one of my bridesmaids the night before the wedding…
To give a little background: We flew with 54 guests to be married at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico. Upon our arrival we discovered that our resort had over booked and my man and I were going to be bumped down a class unless we decided to upgrade to the sister resort directly beside the one we were currently at. They gave us a killer deal, so of course we took the upgrade. What we didn’t realize was that this messed up our wedding plans a bit.
The night before the wedding I said goodnight to my hubbie-to-be as he went to sleep with the boys and I headed over to my room at the other resort with two of my bridesmaids. When we got to my resort I was stopped by security because my bridesmaids were wearing different colored wristbands. After a long ordeal we finally came to the conclusion that I would have to spend the night by myself or my bridesmaids would have to pay $200 each to sleep in my upgraded suite. Not wanting to spend the money and too tired to keep arguing we finally decided to just part ways and go to bed in our own rooms.
As I was walking my one bridesmaid back to her room she suggested that we go by the boys room and go get my man so I didn’t have to sleep alone. I insisted that I would be fine and continued to walk her to her room. She then commented, “Well if it was my man I would be marching over there to wake his ass up! He needs to be here for you!” I explained to her that it wasn’t all about me and that he needed a goodnights sleep as well. I told her it wouldn’t be fair of me to ruin his night as well as mine. That just didn’t make any sense.
She then stood there and gave me a funny look. At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but then I realized she was being genuine when she asked, “How can you be so selfless?” I didn’t think I was being exceptionally selfless, but rather considerate of the needs of my partner. It may seem simple to some people, but this conversation really gave me peice of mind as I went to sleep before the big day. Some how I knew in that instant I was making the right choice wanting to spend my life with my man.
My friend’s simple question really showed me that her relationship isn’t anywhere close to where mine is as far as development in caring, understanding, or emotionally connecting to another person. It really made me think back to my first relationships when I was young and thought mostly about lust and adventure. Now I can see my own growth as an individual and I can see how I’ve also grown through my relationship. When you are ready to marry someone, you are ready to put that person’s needs ahead of yours when neccessary. You are able to see the difference between your needs as an individual and your needs as a couple, and most importantly you are able to prioritize those needs appropriately. I’m not saying that you get it right all of the time, but there is a clear difference between the decisions you would have made as a single person and the decisions you will make in your partnership. My friend’s inability to see all of this really showed me why her relationship has struggled so much in these first few months. Neither her nor her boyfriend are able to stop saying “me, me, me” for long enough to realize that it should be “us” that they are saying.
I thought I would share all of this with you because it certainly gave me a lot to think about leading up to one of the biggest days of my life. This conversation and the thoughts that came from it helped to give me confidence in my relationship and really showed me that I should value how easily this mutual respect and love and I have for my husband came for me. I went to bed knowing that I was making the right choice. There couldn’t have been a better feeling in the world on that night 🙂
For those of you still in the planning process I hope that this conversation can hit home with you and really show you the importance of your priorities when getting ready for marriage. Thanks for reading!