(Closed) The No Infants Policy drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Miss Moxy:  Like some other PPs, I think it is better to make exceptions for nursing infants. They mostly sleep, are comparatively easy to calm down; in my opinion they are much less likely to be disruptive than a child between 1 and 5. Despite what one PP said, for many people they are difficult or impossible to be babysat. (Not everyone can breast pump, for instance.

Still, you can make whatever rules you want. It sounds like your cousin and his wife have done the right thing: declined without a fuss (or hardly a fuss). (But they were wrong to not tell you they were bringing their baby beforehand).

Post # 18
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Miss Moxy:  Is there any chance that they can all meet the baby before the wedding date? If he was using this as a time to “show the baby off” then that really isn’t fair on the two of you. 

My fiancé has had a new cousin born recently (March) and his uncle and aunt don’t live near the rest of the family. I am really pleased that they have been down twice before the wedding, giving family members a chance to meet her. At the end of the day, your wedding is about the two of you…not welcoming this baby into it (she will have her day with christening or something). If your aunts want to see the baby, maybe they should arrange it themselves. Or maybe your cousin could come a day early (if he lives far away) give them a chance to meet her prior and then come to the wedding?

I would stand your ground though, definitely. 

Post # 19
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If you don’t want childern coming to the wedding, don’t invite the paretns who cant afford a baby sitter for the children. Honestly, I had kids at mine, and I loved it. They added something special to the wedding. 

Post # 20
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my half brother (the half is sorta relevant) had a ‘no children’ ceremony. his sister (not me or my sisters, but his half sister from his mother’s side) brought her baby and it cried…. the… whole… time. the bride could be seen glaring into the audience for half of the ceremony. ya think the sister would get the hint and get out of the room, but nooooo.

Post # 21
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I love it when people use other’s weddings as a chance to show off their kid.

Have a post-baby baby shower if you want to show off your kid.  Invite the Out of Town family to host the kid’s first birthday party.   DON’T RESENT THE BRIDE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T USE THEIR WEDDING AS A CHANCE TO SHOW OFF THE BABY A LA FAMILY REUNION STYLE.

Post # 22
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@inukoro1177:  She is perfectly within her rights to invite parents and not kids.  So you think the solution is to just ignore the entire family if they have kids?   That would start more drama than just ‘no kids’

And it’s great that kids added something special to your wedding but for somethey take ‘something special’ away.   Glad it worked out for you but it doesn’t have any bearing on this OP

Post # 23
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
@Miss Moxy:  I don’t think you are being dramatic, you don’t want kids there, no biggie…however, I find this interesting…

at what point was he going to tell me he was bringing a child when it was not invited

A child is a HE or SHE, not an IT. Smile

Post # 24
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

@Miss Moxy:  No, you are not wrong. There is a time and place to show off a baby and it doesn’t have to be a wedding. Why can’t they have a baby welcoming party or something? Is there a brunch the next day? Maybe they can show off said baby there.

Post # 25
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Miss Moxy:  I’ve attended weddings where children much, much older than four months old have created a scene during a wedding ceremony. It’s not pleasant for anyone. Stick to your guns!

Post # 26
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d rather have a nursing infant than a running/screaming toddler, truthfully, and there will actually be 1, if not 2, at the wedding. (both less than 2 months) But that’s really neither here nor there.

If you don’t want any children at all at your wedding, that’s your business, but remember that an invitation is not a Royal Summons. They are free to refuse. You can be mad about it, but what’s the point of that?

We aren’t having kids at the wedding, except for the two newborns, because ya, kids can be a handful at formal events. I don’t think it’s rude of the bride not to want kids there. I also don’t think it’s rude of the parents to decide not to attend sans kids. Invitations are up to the hosts, and responses are up to the invited.

FWIW, I don’t see anything “wrong” with wanting to show off your new baby at a wedding, assuming that at at least a chunk of the wedding guests are family/friends/loved ones who would be happy see the new baby. It’s not like anyone is going to confuse the baby with the bride or something.

Post # 27
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@Miss Moxy:   Personally I can see this from more than one side. Forgive my point form

1) I fully understand a perent not wanting to leave young children at home, especially an infant.Acceptions are usually made for infants

2) His comment about finding another occasion to introduce the baby was snarky and I do not blame you in the slightest for taking offense. However, be glad he declined and did not scream at you on the phone then call your mom to make her feel bad too. I’ve read some horror stories on the bee.

3) I respect anyone’s decision to have a child free wedding, whether or not it would be anyone else’s decision or whether guests like is moot. Although you have to remember to expect parents declining and respect that. Even if you provided baby sitting I know many parents who would not feel comfortable showing up and handing their baby to someone they don’t know.

 

SO I do not think you are being over sensitive to his comment as it was snarky but I can understand not leaving an infant at home. Both sides have valid points. If his presence is not imparative to you then just stick to your guns. If you are heart broken then reconsider making an exception. It is up to you.

 

P.s. I am curious and I do not want to sound offensive. Do you have a phobia of children? It seems you can’t stand to be around them, have to check to see how far away they are etc. Not judging just wondering

Post # 29
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It’s not rude to exclude babies and children, but nor is it rude to decline an invitation because you don’t want to leave your baby or you don’t have childcare or your baby won’t take a bottle…

What is rude is the snarky, passive-aggressive comment that he’ll have to find some other time to introduce the baby to the family.  He can plan and pay for his own party if he wants to show off the baby!

ETA: I have a four month old and I don’t think I’d bring him to a wedding at this point, unless it was a very casual daytime affair.

Post # 30
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Miss Moxy:  

Ughhh I am having the same problem: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-dont-care-if-my-baby-is-invited-im-bringing-her#post-6217839

 

Is there a cry-room where the baby can be taken? Can you hire a “babysitter?” I get that babies who aer breast-feeding can’t be away but there’s no real reason they MUST be there either. Sorry. THey won’t even remember it. I think it’s fine they rescinded their invitation, rather than than a crying baby during the vows. Then again, if you read my post you can see why Im bitter….

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