Post # 1
The idea of being “proposed to” makes me squirm. My SO and I are so not the flowery romantic types. So, last time we talked impending engagement I told him that I didn’t want a surprise proposal, and that I thought since we’re both in this together that it would be great if we just discussed it and at some point made a mutual decision that the time was right. Then we could go pick out a ring together, and once the ring arrives I would just start wearing it. No fuss, very simple. He agreed and seemed stoked that I had taken the pressure off.
We had this talk about a month ago. While I’m not ready to revisit the topic just yet, I don’t want to approach it prematurely. I know it has to be brought up at some point by somebody in order to discuss and make decisions. I thought we had simplified this whole process, but now I’m in a stage of “who brings it up first and when?,” which is so annoying, because I really just wanted to create a stress free situation. Has anyone else been here?
Post # 3
Well, it’s a bit of a difficult situation now, as you’ve basically told him he doesn’t have to propose.
I think the only solution is for you to start the discussion. If I were him I”d be really scared to bring it up now, in case you thought it was a proposal!!
Post # 4
I’m a lot like you. I didn’t want a proposal, wanted to keep it simple, didn’t want a ring, etc. I think what’s happening now is that you’re making the “simple” situation complicated. We started talking about marriage, and decided to get married a couple of days later, because of pending immigration/legal issues that needed to be addressed, and because our grandparents were getting older much faster and we were like, “Ouch, we gotta do this quickly if we’re ever going to do it.” And lo, I was engaged.
So, if there are reasons for you to get married soon, just lay out those reasons. If you have a good time/place in mind, if you’re flush with cash right now and can afford a wedding, if you just really, really feel like it right now, you can just talk about it. That’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? Or are you not certain he would want to get engaged/married?
Post # 5
Just tell him, one evening or whenever, so I’ve been giving it some thought and could we talk about the engagement, again. Just jump in!
Post # 6
How about if you start talking about when you would want to have your wedding. That will get the discussion started and then from there you could start taking some actions like picking out a ring and a venue.
Post # 7
Don’t think about it too much. The bigger issue you make about talking about these things, the bigger issue it becomes (in my opinion, anyway). I always think that asking him where he sees himself/your relationship in __years is always a good prelude to such conversations because he’s likely to say something about being married. It could pave the way for you to further discuss engagement/marriage without being too forward.