(Closed) The not so perfect in laws

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Reading this sounded a little like my situation (judgmental, talking about others behind their backs, packrats…) with my in-laws. I think anyone who doesn’t think long and hard about the in-laws, and their impact on a prospective marriage, are not thinking things through seriously. These people can and will have a degree of impact on your marriage – there’s a reason that ‘family’ is cited in divorces so frequently next to money. Good fences make good neighbors, of course.

Are you sure you’ll both need to work full-time in the years ahead? If this is a concern, can you put off kids for a few years and start looking education/career opportunities that may not make that option a necessity? If you will be working full-time, your mother-in-law will be rearing your kids up at least 40 hours out of the week – nearly half of their waking hours. She’s going to have a profound effect on them.

Failing that, you can always have your fiance do the drop-off/pick-up. I like seeing my in-laws about once a month at the most.

Post # 4
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have no advice with regards to whether or not his parents are a dealbreaker for you. Only you can decide that. But can I just say that it is extremely presumptious that the two of you are planning on his mom raising your kids. Please don’t do that. Grandparents have already raised their children. They deserve the retirement they have worked hard to secure themselves and they shouldn’t have to spend 40+ hours a week (possibly unpaid) watching someone else’s kids. Even if that someone else is their son. If the two of you know in advanced that you don’t have the time in your schedules to rear your own children or the extra money to pay for day care, then please just postpone or don’t have children.

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