(Closed) The Notion of “Its MY Day” – How Far Do You Take It?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with you – big picture things like indoor/outdoor, church/secular, wedding size, etc should be decided by the couple and what is best for them.

But I am a firm believer that the wedding is NOT just about the Bride and Groom.  It is just as much about the joining of the families and therefore the input and opinions of the families, especially about the little things, is very important and their opinions and wants should be respected.

Honestly, I think the bride who refused to have the Jewish chair lifting at her reception was terribly rude to her Future Mother-In-Law.  The Future Mother-In-Law wasn’t asking them to have a full Jewish wedding ceremony.  She wanted one small thing relating to her (and the groom’s) background.  That’s not asking for much.

Post # 4
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

(I think it was the dance where the couple is lifted on chairs?  No idea what this is or what its called – my apologies)

The hora. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It is called the Hora.

I did not want to do it either because I am scared of heights and thought that people would drop me out of the chair. I actually did refuse (I am not Jewish and my husband is) but my husband really wanted to do it and planned a sneak Hora attack at the wedding and all his friends grabbed me and made me do it! I was terrified and hated every second of it but I’m actually glad I did it now because there are some hilarious pics LOL!

I think the “my day” thing is kind of silly. I understand feeling like you as the bride have put more thought into it than other people and that you should get what you want but the world does not work like that.

Post # 7
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m in the other camp. But more like “it’s our day” (Hubby and I).

However, I did concede to Mother-In-Law to keep the peace, make her happy and to make sure our day wasn’t melancholy for anyone for any unecessary reason.

Did this work? Help matters? Nope. It actually sorta backfired in our faces and hubby and I have discussed it since then and said “If we could do it again, no giving in to anyone!”

As far as the whole notion, it really is your day, isn’t it? The one a little girl dreams of since she can remember?

And especially if you are footing the bill, right???

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ugh, I hate the phrase! I especially hate it when people try to justify certain actions based on that idea. I admit I’ve used it before but usually in a joking or non serious tone. There are things I’m doing b/c I know it will make other people happy but at the end of the day I don’t care. I’m having a wedding because its what the families want, I’m getting married because its what I want.

Post # 9
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree that it’s not just about the two people. But as someone is is starting out my planning, it can get very difficult to balance everyone’s wants. My parents are practically paying for the wedding themselves, but it would/will upset me if they have a long list of demands that go against our wishes. I would rather not have their money than play along with a wedding day I’m unhappy with. I think in an ideal world, all the major parties should be able to come to a compromise, especially those that are financially contributing. But realistically, you can’t make everyone happy. I think it’s most important that the bride and groom are happy.

Post # 11
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree!  There are certain things that are 100% the bride and groom’s choice.  For example, my Maid/Matron of Honor (who is just the sweetest and most innocent friend I have) is suuuuper excited about the wedding.  And I am more than happy to let her help in any way she can.  Her opinion is always welcome.  But when she asked if she could help Fiance and me pick out stuff for the wedding registry, I had to put my foot down.  That is just one of those few things that is really up to us and us alone 🙂

On the other hand, I truly believe that the wedding is not about the bride and groom really, but more about a joining of families.  I love having all of the traditions from both our families included, and always welcome advice and opinions from my family, my FIL’s, and our friends 🙂  It’s about ALL of us!

Post # 12
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@lisa105: I mean, if it were only “your” day – no one else would be there, right?

Right. But they are there as your guests. And some of them already had “their day”. Aunt Sue shouldn’t say “I hate yellow ! Go for red Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses!”. Actually, not even mom should say that, although mom might say “Honey, are you sure you want yellow? I think red’s more flattering”

Post # 13
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I am in the camp that says a wedding is about bringing two PEOPLE together, not their families. Our families live far enough apart that with the exception of the birth of children or whatever, I seriously doubt they’ll ever even see each other because we will just rotate going to see one or the other. With that being said… I think that the only opinions that matter much are mine and my FIs, and to a lesser extent my parents (because they are giving us some money). The exception to this would be in regards to guests’ comfort. I wouldn’t choose a reception that would be uncomfortable (outside in july, no dinner, etc) for my guests because I want them to have a good time. But my mom wanting us to get married in a church? Not going to happen.

Post # 14
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If it really was our day we’d probably be getting married in Vegas, haha.  But, alas, our families would all slaughter us, so we’re having a more traditional wedding.

So basically, I agree, you can’t be a brat just because you’re getting married!

Post # 15
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wanted it to be all about us and only us which was my #1 reason for eloping.  It was totally me and him, and it was fantastic.  I know some people think they may hurt others’ feelings by not including them, but including them and walking all over them with a holier than thou attitude is also hurtful.

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lisa105: I agree with you. There are certain things where a couple should not budge. Like my mom is disappointed that we aren’t getting married in a church. Oh well. We aren’t Christians. I don’t think I should have to budge on it.
If my mom wanted me to wear my grandmother’s pearls, I would. It’s all about balance. Fiance is Irish and we have a lot of Irish traditions we are going to have at our wedding. It would be bridezilla of me to tell his grandmother to eff off if I didn’t want any of it.

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