(Closed) The Notion of “Its MY Day” – How Far Do You Take It?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It was our day, our money, and we did as we saw fit. I certainly wasn’t a bia about it, but there were simply some things that weren’t going to happen–no church wedding, for example. My parents kept insisting we cut back, save the money, why do you need a photographer, etc. That’s when i said, “it’s our day, we’ll do what we want”. We didn’t take a lot of input from other people in regards to our wedding–we just did what we wanted. 

Post # 48
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think people who use that phrase in a bratty way are people who do not get much attention in life.  Brides to be sometimes confuse their weddings with starring roles in a blockbuster movie. Sorry-there is no spotlight, you aren’t a star, and there is no need for a diva attitude just because you are marrying someone.

EDT-Couples have every right to have the wedding they want. I’m talking about people who take it to the extreme.

Post # 49
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry, kind of a long post on this….

Being a very creative bee I have been quite flexible in what I have as a “vision”.  My biggest vision was the location and my fiance hated it, so we found someplace else that we both liked.  Am I bummed out, yes.  It was my perfect place and I loved everything about it.  But Mr. Posh hated it, so what was I going to do?  I found something mutually good and made it work.  With a couple of tweaks, you can have something that can make most everyone happy.

What I haven’t liked is the snarky comments from relatives and other people trying to cause problems.  Weddings can bring out the worst in people because of the notion of “My Day/Our Day”

because of:

  1. I feel entitled
  2. I’m paying
  3. I’m the mother and didn’t get my day, so I’ll take the reigns now
  4. I’m the elder/grandmother/aunt and I know best
  5. I’m better/smarter/more worthy/etc. than everyone else, so I’ll butt in
  6. Add your reason here

I saw the start of this when searching for my dress.  I went to the running of the brides in boston.  There are thousands of gowns to sift through, but some brides in the hope of finding their perfect gown sleep overnight outside the building!  It opens at 8am and myself, not wanting to get trampled, showed up at 9am.  This was a bit of a mistake.  You get gown hoarders…

Who were the worst at this event?  It actually wasn’t the brides in most cases, it was their moms or relatives.  When I’d ask,”Hey would you mind if I tried that dress on in your pile?” (if it looked like the bride wasn’t interested.)  They’d say,”No, she hasn’t decided which one she likes yet!”(very rudely and mind you, they had a dress pile of at least 30 dresses.)

The show Bridezillas:

I think that in most cases that show Bridezillas is acting.  While there are some pretty psycho brides, some of the stuff is too over the top to be real.  What are your thoughts?

My Grandma-zilla

My issues have actually been with my FFIL’s Mom (my fiance’s grandmother).  She’s just been great with the comments and Italian guilt trip. 

For example first she said before we got engaged,”I won’t allow my grandson to get married unless he lives with her first and knows that they’ll work!”  I was surprized by this.  Old Italian grandmothers tend to be quite prudish, but whatever.  So we got engaged and he just moved in with me.  Well wouldn’t you know she said,”I can’t believe they’re living in sin!!!”.

She has been doing stuff like that and trying to cause trouble throughout the whole process so far.  I’m just trying not to let it get to me.  Do I want everyone to be happy on my wedding day?  Yes, of course I do.  Do I want to keep my sanity and not cater to those that are out to cause trouble? Yes, this is very important to me as well.

I think the key is make sure whatever you say or do throughout the process, you’re taking into consideration others feelings and needs, however if something is just too much for you to accomodate you don’t have to do it.

Post # 50
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The thing that bothers me most about the “my day” thing is that it leaves out the poor groom! Yikes! But I think that “our day” is fine. Like some PP’s, I am learning that weddings are really about “us” – the family, the friends, the community, AND the couple – as opposed to just “us” the couple. If this was just about the two of us, we would be eloping, for realz.

 

Post # 51
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If I could have it my way, I’d much rather it just be the two of us!  I absolutely hate being the center of attention, and the fact that we’re even having a wedding with our families is just about all the compromise they get! (I’d much rather run off to the courthouse)

I don’t mean this at all in a bratty, this is MY DAY kind of way, but my Fiance and I are very casual, laid-back people, and we have very strong ideas about what we want to do and what we don’t want to do in order to best reflect us and our relationship (i.e. a huge formal wedding in a hotel ballroom is just not us).

Granted, we haven’t yet been asked to include any really important traditions by any of our family, but if we were, we would definitely think about them and figure out how they reflected us and how important they were to our relationship. 

But, the things that people seem to care the most about are so random, and I have no problem saying no.  My Future Mother-In-Law wanted a string quartet, but it doesn’t really fit the vision of our day.  She freaked when we said we were having cupcakes instead of cake, and again when I told her my bridesmaid dresses aren’t going to match (yes, she really cared about this…)  Its for this reason we have just chosen to not mention other aspects of the day (i.e. the readings we’ve chosen for the ceremony, the fact that we’re walking down the aisle together and what we’ve decided in regards to the name change issue).

Its more important to me that my Fiance and I compromise with each other to find a day that is reminiscent of our relationship.  For this reason, we are going to have a bit of a religious tone to our ceremony (not because it’s important to family, but because its important to him, and thus its important to me), we will be doing a first dance (he really really wants to; I’m really not looking forward to it, though).  We’ve already determined what our priorities are, and while I agreeing that we’re celebrating with our families, it would almost feel fake if the expectations of others found their way into our wedding.

 

Post # 52
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I guess my opinion is in the minority. My Fiance and I are eloping and it is OUR day. Period. We started planning the “traditional” wedding and within the first few weeks we just knew it wasn’t going to work out with trying to please everyone. Mom wants this. Dad wants that. Aunt will be terribly disappointed if we don’t do this…yadda yadda yadda….We finally said “You know what? Screw it.” It really wasn’t about pleasing the masses for us. It was 100% about creating a perfect day for us. A day we can never do-over. 

His parents and my parents will be there, but they have encouraged us to make most of our decisions as we see fit. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

Post # 53
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@bells: I completely agree… everyone’s family dynamic is different.. just as everyone’s wedding is different.  I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with a wedding only being about the bride and groom… and there’s nothing wrong with including others’ thoughts and opinions as well, if that’s what you want. 

MrFoxxy & I’s wedding will most likely be “our” day.. and I don’t care what anyone else thinks, LoL.  We’re not being bratty about it… but we’re not going to let anyone push us into having a wedding that we don’t want either.  Neither of my parents is pushy at all.. about anything.  His parents, well.. we may run into a snag or two, LoL.. not sure yet.  We’re both pretty laid back, though.. we foresee having a Destination Wedding with about 20 or less guests followed by an at-home reception with probably 80-100.

I’m not going to intentionally inconvenience anyone, but I’m not bending over backwards for anyone either.  I want guests to be comfortable, but if it’s something that either MrFoxxy or I doesn’t like, it’s not happening.  It is what it is… if you don’t like it, you don’t have to come.

Post # 54
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@IvyClimb: I couldnt agree with your post more 🙂

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