- 9 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
It’s painfully clear now that my grandparents will not be able to attend it. Their health is very very fragile. I will be blessed if they are both here this time next year period. He’s almost 90 and she is 88.
My mom has been behaving wierdly yet again and she’s about 100 percent burned any bridge of healing with my own sister. My sis is very wonderful, we’re great friends and are super close, but she’s had it with our mom. Totally had it. Won’t go into details but let’s just say my mom has been acting as a lovesick teenager for the last 9.5 years and doesn’t like responsibilities that much.
So that being said, it might not happen with either my grandparents or my mother there at all. I had a long talk with my sis today and she said to have a lovely wedding wherever I wanted, to have it super elegant and smaller and do it our way. That she’d be there (along with bil and their kids) and our friends and T’s family and not to worry about it. So either a really elegant and small (like 50 and less) guests if we have it local or really elegant and even smaller destination wedding (like 25 people) with maybe a cocktail party afterward at the club to celebrate after we return is going to be the scenario.
I’m just venting somewhat. My mom could have really had her swansong and facilitated alot of healing by coming together with all of us due to the health of her parents but she’s taken a totally hands-off approach basically. She’s too busy (taking care of herself and her pets) to help with them or for that matter, to even take a few days off to come to ATL to visit her grandson, who she has NOT seen in four years. FOUR FRICKIN YEARS. And of course she couldn’t take any time off to take her own dad once a week to dialysis (he has it now 3x a week). Nope. She can’t pencil that into her busy schedule. But the bf? Oh we’re sure he’s always penciled in.
So here I type and my feelings are all over the place. My very frail and ailing grandparents (grandpa is now in 5th stage/end stage kidney failure with grandma in mild alzheimer’s and very fragile) a huge priority on one hand, and my sister (who is wonderful and the sweetest ever) warring with our mom due to mom’s inability to do EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING for our family, and our mom who is pretending to be innocent of everything and says she doesn’t want to be around my sister and is behaving as a teenager.
In one year my grandparents went from doing pretty darn well to this. I’m just sad beyond belief at this. I love them so much and they are so important to me and to my son. It’s heartbreaking. This is one reason this last week I haven’t been as much here at weddingbee btw.
So much to think about. So much change is coming in the near future for my child and for me and for T. We’ll be blending families and marrying. But the toughest hurdle I forsee in planning for such a joyous day as our wedding will be the sadness I feel right now about how my grandparents will not be there and how my own mother, due to her war with my sister and honestly my feelings for her, will likely not be there too. The feelings for both of them are so opposite. Love, sadness, and a tad of fear for what is happening with grandparents right now mixed up with a touch of anger, resentment, and weariness about the situation with my own mother. My sis? I love her period. She’s great and I don’t fault her at all about her issues with our mom for I have the same ones too, it’s just that I’m one to let some things slide as I accept mom as she is. I don’t LIKE who she is right now, but I let people be who they are.
Sometimes life’s wierd and random events can take the wind out of your sails you know?