Post # 1
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
Hi everyone,
I just got off the phone with my mother, and she is very upset that I don’t want to get married in a church (as expected). My SO and I both want to get married outside with a view of the water. I told her that I would still like the church to recognize my marriage, so I’d like to do a smaller, simple marriage ceremony a few weeks or months after the wedding, but it seemed as if she didn’t even hear me and said that “you may not know now but God will become an important part of your life as you get older.” I asked her if she understood me that it is important that the church recognizes the marriage, but want to get married outside on the actual day. I knew this was going to be an issue, but know that it’s happened I’m really upset. I’m sure TONS have been in this situation, help please!
Post # 3
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
All you can do is stand your ground and be confident in your decision, or do what she wants.
You’re not going to please everyone.. so you may as well do what’s right for you. Being an adult is hard sometimes.
Post # 4
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
Hi! My Mother-In-Law felt the same way. We wanted to do the courthouse, she was very disappointed. Could you ask her to see if the reverend/father of her church would perform your outdoor ceremony? That may make her feel better. The whole earth belongs to God, he will see you in front of the water too. That’s how I see it 🙂
Post # 5
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@Vivasevilla804: What type of church? Are you open to having an outdoor wedding conducted by a church pastor? Many churches allow that these days, including my own.
Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
I absolutely open to it, I just want to be married on the actual day of our celebration outside. I didn’t realize church pastors do marry people outside now. The only other thing that might be complicated is that I am a confirmed Catholic, and my fiancé isn’t baptised…so I have NO idea how that works either.
Post # 7
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
@Vivasevilla804: I had a similar situation, I’m very strongly Catholic and it was important to me that the church recognize my marriage. That said I am also a hippie at heart and really wanted to be married outside. We ended up having a Catholic wedding ceremony the day before our official outdoor wedding. The priest who worked with us was fully aware of our plans. We were married in the eyes of the church on Friday and then Saturday made that our “official” wedding date. It worked out great for us.
Post # 8
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
@Vivasevilla804: Well, you are Catholic so that does complicate things since the Catholic Church is much more strict. You will not be able to have a Catholic ceremony outside nor have a Catholic priest marry you. You can get legally married outside, but the Catholic Church will not recognize your marriage until you get a Convalidation. I would absolutely talk to your priest about the situation since, from my understanding, many priests do not like doing Convalidations simply because the couple wants to get married outside.
Your Fiance not being baptized shouldn’t be an issue. You will have to fill out an extra bit of paperwork I believe and get dispensation from the bishop. But it’s a common occurance and you shouldn’t have any problems getting said dispensation.
Also, I’m not 100% sure how Convalidations work, but for normal marriage ceremonies, you have to do pre-Cana/marriage prep with the church and that can take up to 6 months. So keep that in mind.
Anyway, it sounds like you really need to talk to your priest if having the Catholic Church recognize your marriage is important to you. Another option would be to have the church ceremony Friday night, then have a second ceremony with your own personal vows and such Saturday.
