(Closed) The old head table debate

posted 10 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Spouses/plus-ones at the head table?

    No, it's just for the wedding party

    Yes, don't exclude anyone

  • Post # 3
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    We’re including spouses/SO’s.  Which spouse/SO wants to sit by themselves with people they don’t know as well?  Would he want to if you were in the wedding party and he wasn’t?

    Post # 5
    707 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I have been the dte of someone who was in the wedding party and they had a head table w/o spouses/dates. I had to sit at a table where I didn’t know anyone and it was awful. I felt like I was alone the entire wedding.

    Post # 6
    1184 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    we’re not doing a head table specifically for this reason–we could have as many as 18 people at the head table including SOs which seems too big (at least for us), and i would honestly be annoyed if i was at a wedding with Fiance and not seated with him. none of the weddings either of us have ever been with had head table, they all just opted for sweetheart tables.

    if your Fiance really wants the head table though i’d include SOs since 13 isn’t so large, not much bigger really than your standard round of 10.

    Post # 7
    792 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I am planning on not having a head table, but you are so I will tell you my opinion. I don’t think it matters. If you want the spouses/SO up there that is fine. If I was going to your wedding and saw this I might think “Oh I’ve never seen this before.” because I haven’t but I wouldn’t think it was weird or anything. But it looks like your Fiance does not want it that way, so it’s something you and him are going to have to discuss. Good luck. =]


    Edit: Fiance and I are having a sweetheart table, and then sitting the rest of the bridal party with their plus one and other friends they might possibly know. I went to a wedding that my Fiance was in and while I was seated with people I did know, I could not imagine what I would feel like if I was seated with people I hadn’t known.

    Post # 8
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    The way most of the weddings I’ve been to have worked – the wedding party is at the head table, and once the toasts are over, they usually go sit with whoever they want.  

    Post # 9
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Personally – I think it’s kind of strange to include the spouses/+1s.  DH and I have been in the position and neither of us cared that we were sitting apart.  It’s not like dinner is all that long anyway!  Besides I wouldn’t want to be at the head table if I wasn’t in the wedding party.  I would feel very out of place!

    Post # 10
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We’re actually planning on not having a head table and the bridal party and plus ones will sit at “VIP” tables near the front.

    Post # 11
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We are just having it be the wedding party. All of the spouses know other people at the wedding so it won’t be like they will be sitting all by themselves. One of my BM’s Fiance will only know her parents who are coming so he will just sit with them anyways. I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding this may and she is planning on doing the same thing with my then husband and my parents. When you look at the entire reception time the amount that you have assigned seating isn’t that much. I would hope they would be able to be apart for a little while.

    Post # 12
    3563 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Like @pb and j we are not doing a head table for this reason…we don’t want to deal with having to fit everyone at the head table, and I would never make my bridesmaids/groomsmen sit away from their SOs. It just doesn’t seem fair to me, especially if they don’t know anyone else. I know that I personally would feel really awkward. We’re doing a sweetheart table instead and having the wedding party sit amongst the rest of the guests.

    Post # 13
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    oh yeah, definitely include the wedding party’s SO’s at the head table, they will appreciate it so much!  even if they know other people and would have friends to sit with, people always prefer to eat with their SO.  we included the SO’s at our head table, and it was great 🙂  we also didn’t do the traditional everyone-facing-the-other-guests-eating-on-a-stage set up either.  we had a long banquet table situated in the middle of all the round guest tables and we sat on all sides of it.  i loved that because we weren’t “on stage” so-to-speak and it put us IN the party rather than lording over it, you know?  i would recommend that, but just a suggestion 🙂

    Post # 15
    2155 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think it depends on if the SO know anyone else at the wedding. I’ve been in a bridesmaid in 2 weddings where my boyfriend would literally know not a soul other than me (and the bride/groom) at the wedding. I really don’t think its fair in that situation to place a SO at a table full of people he/she doesn’t know. This is the reason a lot of people don’t do head tables anymore, in my opinion. I’d say either allow the SO to sit there as well, or don’t do one. 13 is definitely not too many.

    Post # 16
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We aren’t having a head table. We will sit at a 10 person round like everyone else. We will probably sit with our Bridesmaid or Best Man and his girlfriend, my Maid/Matron of Honor and her husband, our MCs (we have two) and their dates. The rest of the wedding party will be seated at other rounds with their spouses/dates.

    I’m really not a fan of the traditional head table – I don’t like how you can’t really talk to anyone other than the people on either side of you since people are only seated on one side of the table (in the traditional set-up anyhow), and I don’t like separating members of the wedding party from their spouses. Just not our thing!

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