Post # 1
Hi bees. I just found this community and absolutely love it!
A couple years ago, I used to work with a man who really liked me. At the time, I had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t looking for anything new. I wanted to be single for awhile and not have to worry about another relationship. However, I’ll admit that this guy and I had a pretty strong connection with nearly identical long-term goals. But at the time, I saw him as more of a friend and nothing more. He was attractive but not really my type.
When he told me that he had really strong feelings for me and asked if I’d like to go out sometime, I rejected him. We drifted apart and he moved away for school. I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him in almost three years but this past weekend, I ran into him at a mutual friend’s wedding reception. He’s changed so much and he looked so handsome. The second he saw me he gave me a big hug and we talked for a little while. I can’t stop thinking about him.
I asked our mutual friend about him and she said he’s single. She also told me that he landed a job a couple towns away and was looking to move back within a few weeks.
How in the world do I ask out a guy that I rejected years ago? Honestly, rejecting him was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. My mother told me that I’d live to regret it and she was right, I do.
Help a girl out?
Post # 4
Get in touch. Don’t ask him out per se – just say it was nice running into him, you heard he moved back, and you’d love to catch up sometime
Post # 5
@mockblock: Obviously, but how? What do I say? Do I apologize for rejecting him, etc?
Post # 6
@RN: Just tell him you’re interested in reconnecting and would like to go out to dinner sometime. If your past rejection comes up, just explain that you were in a very different place in your life then and not ready for a relationship. It’s the truth, and it’s pretty understandable because most people have been there before.
Post # 7
@RN: Just say he we should get together and catch up sometime. Don’t make it weird by apologizing for rejecting him. Only apologize if he brings it up
Post # 8
totally do it! you’ve nothing to lose… charge ahead and don’t look back, then you’ll have no regrets!
and I agree that you don’t need to bring up the past rejection unless it comes up. And your honest answer totally works. people grow and change. I’m sure has has too, and will understand completely.
Post # 9
@distracts: +1 (as usual)
In the past you probably weren’t emotionally ready for a lasting relationship and now you’re in a better head space. If it comes up just explain it like you did to us (maybe nix the seeing him only as a friend part though).
Post # 10
No, don’t apologize for anything. That will make you look like you’re groveling or that you’re somehow guilty of something — which you aren’t. He could have long forgotten about the fact that you rejected him. Don’t assume that he still remembers or cares.
Yes, you regret that you rejected him, but come on, you had your reasons at the time and based on his reaction when he saw you the other day, he doesn’t think you were a jerk about it.
That was then and this is now. Move on and yes, DO contact him!
I’m not sure what contact info you have for him, but….
If you’re calling, just have a little mini-speech prepared. Keep it BRIEF and light and breezy. Tell him you enjoyed running into him the other day and it’s been a while, and you’d love it if you two could stay in touch, and leave your number with him. That’s IT… then get off the phone.
I repeat, get off the phone!
Even if he seems receptive when you call, stay on the phone with him for ten minutes or so but don’t end up chatting on the phone with him for two hours. Keep it BRIEF or you might overwhelm him! Your friend told you he’s single, but for all you know he could be single and interested in someone else now.
Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed. Chat with him for a few minutes, get off the phone, and then give him time to process all of this after you give him your basic message. Wait for him to decide if he wants to contact you and ask you out.
If you’re emailing or contacting him via Facebook, write the same basic message as above.
Post # 11
You should definitely contact him! It was nothing but bad timing when you rejected him before – ask him out! What have you got to lose?
Post # 12
@Mrs.babycat: I’ve never asked a guy out before.. Usually it’s the other way around so I’m a little clueless. haha. Do I try and make it a romantic type of thing like dinner some place or something more innocent like coffee? I want him to get the hint that I’m interested and not just being friendly..
Post # 13
@BelliniChic: Great tips! Hopefully, if I prepare a little speech before I call him, I won’t be so nervous. I was so tongue-tied around him at the reception, which is so unlike me!
Post # 14
Just contact him and talk; go for coffee. I wouldn’t spill my heart out all of a sudden after a three year hiatus.
Post # 15
@RN: I would take it slow. Just do something innocent like coffee and just spend time catching up. Don’t make it too date like, just take it slow. If it goes well ask him out for a fun casual date like”oh hey, one of my favorite bands is in town, wanna come with me?”. After you hang out a few times THEN ask him out for a romantic dinner
Post # 16
I would just say something like “Hey ___, it was so great to see you at so and so’s wedding. I’d love to reconnect with you sometime.”
Who knows, maybe he’ll ask you out.