(Closed) The one thing that I wanted and I can’t have it…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would be upset & probably wouldn’t be as easygoing as you to just go with “any other date” but I’m incredibly stubborn ๐Ÿ™‚ I would try talking with your family a little bit more, both sides of the arguments probably have very strong reasons why or why you should not get married on that date and all the reasons should be discussed. I personally think it’s an awesome tribute and celebration of your Mother and the relationship I’m sure you shared. Hope this works out for you!!

Post # 4
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think you should get married on the date that you love. I also think that it will be a wonderful celebration of your mother’s life by beginning a new journey on the day that she ended her physical one.  I am sure you’d sense her presence everywhere around you.  With that being said, it’s your wedding. 

Post # 5
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s a tough one.  Frrst off, I’m sorry for your lose.  Did you try to explain to the veto-ing family why it means so much to you?  I think, if I were in this situation, I’d still choose that date.  This is your wedding and you should be allowed to honor you Mother in anyway you choose.  And I’d tell your family that you’re sorry if it may hurt them but that you love your Mother and you want to do this in her memory.  It will be emotional for you and I also understand that they may be upset too but its YOUR Mother.  I can’t see myself actually saying you can’t do it.  I think it seems a bit selfish on their part. 

Post # 6
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think your request isn’t unreasonable, and I’m really sorry your family feels different. I think in a situation like this there isn’t right or wrong – it’s really what everyone feels comfortable with. I feel like you can try to reason with them some more to show them just how important it is. Maybe they need some time to get comfortable with the idea?

If they continue to refuse, you could still have in on the day you like and risk them not coming. If you don’t care who comes, as you wrote, then why not take the chance that some people will miss it and do what makes you happy? I’m sure your dad and your sister would be there, and even some others might come around eventually.

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Post # 7
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would just go ahead and have it on that day.  Honestly, the date is your decision and I don’t see why it would be such a problem to them.  I think if you have it on that day, just keep the fact that it is on or near her birthday underwraps.  Your family might be worried that you are going to make it a big deal and keep mentioning her death during your wedding.

Post # 9
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with your decision. Have your wedding on the day that means the most to you, and you don’t need to share your wedding dress with your sister. That is just being cheap. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

He wants you to SHARE your wedding dress with your sister?!?!? Oh man, that goes beyond the pale in my opinion. Your request is reasonable and you should have it on that date regardless of what they say.

Post # 11
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think having your wedding on your mother’s birthday is a really nice sentiment.  You should be able to not only freely choose your wedding date with your Fiance, but you should also be able to honor your mother as you wish.  I’d stick to your idea, and maybe they will eventually come around.

Is your sister also engaged?  Is that why he wants you to share a dress with her?  I’d go for my own dress, regardless ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 12
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with CreBre! Get married on the date that has pleanty of significance for you!

= )

Post # 13
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Honestly, your family needs to realize that this is your wedding.  And you should tell your family that you want your wedding to be on a day that is significant to you.  It may cause drama, but if you and your FH are all for it, your family should support you.

Post # 14
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Get married on that date. A wedding should be personal, and if that date has a deep, sentimental meaning for you then do it. Your Dad would be the only one I would be worried about, but you said that he is fine with it.

Post # 15
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

One thing I have learned the hard way during wedding planning is to not ask opinions of ANYONE except your Fiance.  Seriously.  I think it is incredibly meaningful to get married on your mother’s birthday, and as long as your Fiance is on board that is all that matters.  Call another family meeting and say “Thank you everyone for your input; Fiance and I have agreed to have the wedding on this date.  I’ll give you guys the details as we get them!”

Post # 16
2641 posts
Sugar bee

So your sister is no longer ok with it?  Who else (if I may ask) doesn’t like the idea?  You said your dad is fine with it.  Is it possible your sister actually likes the idea and kind of feels like you would get to have something she can’t?  I think I’d talk to her about what her issue is.  Is it your grandparents having an issue?  Maybe people are wanting to feel happiness, and happiness for you at your wedding, and are afraid they’ll feel sadness.

Honestly, I think the real contemplation is what would your mom think?  I obviously don’t know her.  But knowing a thing or two about moms, I would think your mom would be honored and touched and smiling down on you from above ๐Ÿ™‚

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