(Closed) The other shoe finally dropped….

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What kind of drugs?  What does he “have to say about it”?

Post # 4
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure after a few days your FI will calm down and hopefully want them back in the wedding. So his kids have decided to no longer involve their parents in what is going on in their lives?

Post # 7
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@speechgal44:  At least it’s “just” marijuana.  How old is he?  And yes, if his sisters want to ignore your fiance’s advice, they should pay for him!!  Is he addicted to anything but pot?  It’s not that bad if the rest of his life isn’t affected. If it is, then he needs to stop, immediately!!

 

How old is the son?

Post # 8
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@peachacid:  This. I couldn’t think of a non-snarky way to say it.

Post # 10
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@speechgal44:  You would think this would be his wake up call and hopefully it is! When my cousin got a DUI and it was a major wake up call for him. He changed his life completely. I hope this has taught him a lesson. 

Post # 13
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@speechgal44:  I know it’s got to be hard as a parent to hear, but kids experiment at that age, and throughout college. If he’s only smoking weed it’s not the end of the world or his life. I do it every day and I’m far from living on the street or being a loser. Who knows, he may even grow out of it after a while, as long as he’s not doing anything harder or drinking and driving he will be fine, promise.

ETA: also, the reason none of his friends see it as a “big deal” is because it’s decriminalized in your state. Meaning, it’s still illegal, but the penalites for possession are very light.

Post # 14
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

While I certainly don’t want to turn this into a legalization thread–from the view point of his sisters–you are definitely overreacting.  

Whether or not weed is addictive is still really undetermined–there are peer reviews papers on both sides of the argument.  Certainly it’s not as addictive as opioids and the like so we’ll leave that at that.  The sisters are likely of the mindset that weed is not addictive and therefore he is not an addict.  If people in the house are all stoners, it’s not a drug house, it’s a stoner house and to them, there is a difference.

They think you are freaking out about nothing just like your parents used to freak out about rock music or whatever.  I’m not saying I agree or disagree, I am just saying that they see this as something commonplace and harmless and adults can’t quite handle it yet.  I would be unsurprised if his sisters occasionally partook.  

Honestly, if he’s 18 and living outside the home, your FI should not be writing child support checks any more.  Just like with the rest of us, any support after we move out is optional.  Offer to pay for school (if that was the plan) only if he stays clean, goes full time and passes his classes.  I’d think that random drug testing would be a bit much but as long as he’s not arrested or caught (by you or law enforcement) drinking or smoking weed, you should call that good enough.  Make a plan for if things spiral down but let your FI take the lead on that, you don’t want to be the evil stepmom driving him away from his kids.  Only really put your foot down if things get toxic.

As for the wedding, encourage him to have them retain their parts in it.  You’re still a family and by cutting them out, he’s making things shaky before they even start. Removing someone from participating in your wedding is a big, relationship changing/ending statement.  He should not make decisions like that out of anger.

Post # 16
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If he wants to join the military…well that’ll solve the drug problem right quick!  What branch is he considering?

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