Post # 1
Just read an advice column on the other side of the fence that I thought might be helpful for folks to read to keep that perspective in mind when getting impatient waiting for their SO to propose. (This is not directed at anyone in particular – I don’t think we even have this particular setup of ages/time/situation in the waiting rooms at the moment.)
Post # 3
I am not really sure what to draw from that- this doesn’t depict the plight of a waiting woman so much- this guy was together with his girl for a year and she was ready for things he wasn’t ready for yet. He should have explained that to her and given her the option to move on.
Personally, I don’t understand why it takes YEARS for a man to get ready to make this decision? That is inexcusable.
in regards to his story, he was still scarred from a bad divorce. That is fine but that wasn’t his mates fault and he should be more sympathetic to her as she had nothing to do with his bad past. If he wasn’t on the same page as her, then that is fine- but he shouldn’t have her waiting as she is in her late 20s and probably wants to get a family started. He should have let her go. He wants her to continue giving of herself while he is trying to figure out if it is for him or not—- see something wrong with that? I do.
He wasn’t ready- he should have manned up and let her go. /2 cents
Post # 4
Post # 5
I disagree. They’ve been together well under a year, 7-9 months (Fall or shortly after, to start of June). Even in the late 20s, that early to be pushing this hard with “constant pressure” that he describes. (I say this from my early 30s perspective, although I do note the pressure is not detailed at all.)
While I agree it’s not her fault, I think she wasn’t sympathetic and understanding enough to his past experience, particularly given their relatively short time dating and given he has a child. “I have tried to explain my side of the situation, which is that I have only just gotten myself out of the financial mess from the divorce, and just moved out on my own, and that I need time (for both myself and my child) to settle into this new situation. More importantly, I feel an overwhelming responsibility to prove to myself that I can handle life on my own before having someone else move in with me.” This doesn’t sound unreasonable logic to me, although it is unfortunate that he got himself involved in a relationship before this happened. He thinks she’ll make a great stepmom someday – that doesn’t sound like they are on such different pages he has an obligation to let her go. (I hate that idea though, that he would need to let her go – I think waiting women have an obligation to leave themselves if the relationship is not heading in the direction they want it to go, rather than waiting on someone else to approve or decide.)
I do think his idea for extended sleepovers is ridiculous and not helpful.
Post # 6
That is fine as this isn’t a debate- I just don’t see how this relates to a waiting woman at all. Many of our women here have been with their men for years and I personally would find it an insult to be comparing it to a woman wanting to move in after 6 months.
Again, they are at different places in their lives- he should have ended the relationship and let her go becayse many women in their late 20s have bio-clocks on the mind (the ones that want to have children anyways). She may have been thinking them moving in together was another step to getting hitched. It is hard to say without her side of the story- however, this doesn’t compare to the many women we have on here who have been waiting patiently for years. There really should be no pressure from a man when time and etc. has been invested. Either he wants to or he doesn’t- sh!t or get off the pot.