(Closed) The other woman

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 3
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t say anything. You never want to get caught up in someone else’s marital issues. Just stop talking to him.

Post # 4
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

This is my first post as a long time lurker, but I feel like as I’ve been on the other side of this and cheated on while I was out of the country (slightly different but similar) I would definitely want to know. I found out months later from a mutual friend that I was cheated on whilst I was away and it really made me feel like a fool. She might not thank you for it, but I think that she deserves to know, especially if she planning to marry this guy. It sounds like this wasn’t a one off mistake either, it’s something he will likely do again and again. 

Post # 5
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Stay out of it and far away from him.

Post # 6
Member
4028 posts
Honey bee

lovetherain :  If he is sleeping around, he could give her an STD (not saying you have one). I would find an anonymous way to tell her. I would want to know, so I would want someone to tell me. Otherwise, you are protecting his infidelity…

Also, if he keeps doing it and none of the women out him…how would she ever find out? Kind of flawed logic.

Post # 7
Member
4815 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

lovetherain :   If I were that woman I’d want to know.  She may already have an inkling of what he is like, and having any firm evidence, or a cool headed email from you, might be the best thing to happen to her.   In the end, it is her choice what to do with any information you may send.

 

Post # 8
Member
7884 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

When my ex husband was cheating on me, someone (not the other woman) emailed me and let me know. Prior to that I had suspicions but no real proof. While it was shocking, I appreciated the confirmation.

Post # 9
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Tell her!  She may say she doesn’t believe you and may still go through with the wedding but even with denial, her eyes will be opened. There is also the possiblilty that you could protect her from being the innocent victim of a future std. 

Let her know.

Post # 10
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No, not your place.  It was a fling of sorts and as much as it sucks, it unfortunately happens quite frequently in the military.  My husband is a Naval reservist and was active for 6 years…he saw it all unfortunately.  This man is a slimeball who can’t keep things in his pants.  You don’t want to deal with him in any way, shape, or form.  He knows what he did was crappy, and frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t the first time he did something like this.  Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Post # 11
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I would want to know before I legally committed. I would tell her. If she doesn’t believe then that’s her choice. At least you did what you could.

Post # 12
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee

I would tell her. 

Post # 13
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

lovetherain : I would tell her. I doubt you’re the only one so she needs to get tested for Save-The-Date Cards and so should you. Chances are she won’t believe you but to all of those people saying it’s not your place…bullsh*t. He made it her business when he lied to her and got intimate with her.

See people, this is why you should Google people BEFORE you have sex with them!!

Post # 14
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Tell her, or better yet, call his commanding officer or his superiors and ask him to order him to tell her. 

Post # 15
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

Please tell her. She could end up with a very serious STD that could impact her fertility later on. I wouldn’t be able to sit quietly with information that could help someone. You are no where near them so there aren’t any repercussions for you telling her. 

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