Post # 1
Seeing as most of you here are about to get married, I was hoping for some input.
Here is the situation. I met someone I thought was amazing. I live in Hawaii and I found out he is military and was only here temporarily. He pursued me for almost a month and the connection was out of this world. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. We did end up sleeping together on multiple occasions just a few days before he left to go back home. Before he left we had been talking about Facebook and he said that he doesn’t want his last name on social media because of work. It seemed a bit odd to me and I mentioned this to my friend after I said goodbye to him. My friend said that he was likely married. I didn’t believe it because there was zero indication and we had talked about him being single. So we Googled him and up popped a wedding site showing a picture of him and his fiancé. Their wedding is on 9/17/16. I was shocked and sad. I asked him why he did it and he said it was really hard being gone for so long (he had been gone for almost 6 months) and that this was the first time he has ever had feelings for anyone else outside of his relationship. He said that he was instantly attracted to me and the moment we started talking was the tipping point. He said he didn’t expect the connection to be so intense. I told him I didn’t think he was ready to get married. My thing is he used the excuse that he had been gone for a long time as the main reason for cheating. However, we slept together literally 2 days before he went home to his fiancé. I just can’t see how he couldn’t wait 2 days. Also, he has 9 years left in the military and many future deployments with the type of work he does. My question for those of you about to get married is this: should I tell his fiancé or keep this to myself? I feel like I would want to know, but also realize that my telling her could come across as vindictive. I don’t want to hurt her, but does she need to know?
Post # 2
lovetherain : not your place. She’ll find out eventually.
Post # 3
Don’t say anything. You never want to get caught up in someone else’s marital issues. Just stop talking to him.
Post # 4
This is my first post as a long time lurker, but I feel like as I’ve been on the other side of this and cheated on while I was out of the country (slightly different but similar) I would definitely want to know. I found out months later from a mutual friend that I was cheated on whilst I was away and it really made me feel like a fool. She might not thank you for it, but I think that she deserves to know, especially if she planning to marry this guy. It sounds like this wasn’t a one off mistake either, it’s something he will likely do again and again.
Post # 5
Stay out of it and far away from him.
Post # 6
lovetherain : If he is sleeping around, he could give her an STD (not saying you have one). I would find an anonymous way to tell her. I would want to know, so I would want someone to tell me. Otherwise, you are protecting his infidelity…
Also, if he keeps doing it and none of the women out him…how would she ever find out? Kind of flawed logic.
Post # 7
lovetherain : If I were that woman I’d want to know. She may already have an inkling of what he is like, and having any firm evidence, or a cool headed email from you, might be the best thing to happen to her. In the end, it is her choice what to do with any information you may send.
Post # 8
When my ex husband was cheating on me, someone (not the other woman) emailed me and let me know. Prior to that I had suspicions but no real proof. While it was shocking, I appreciated the confirmation.
Post # 9
Tell her! She may say she doesn’t believe you and may still go through with the wedding but even with denial, her eyes will be opened. There is also the possiblilty that you could protect her from being the innocent victim of a future std.
Let her know.
Post # 10
No, not your place. It was a fling of sorts and as much as it sucks, it unfortunately happens quite frequently in the military. My husband is a Naval reservist and was active for 6 years…he saw it all unfortunately. This man is a slimeball who can’t keep things in his pants. You don’t want to deal with him in any way, shape, or form. He knows what he did was crappy, and frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t the first time he did something like this. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Post # 11
I would want to know before I legally committed. I would tell her. If she doesn’t believe then that’s her choice. At least you did what you could.
Post # 13
lovetherain : I would tell her. I doubt you’re the only one so she needs to get tested for Save-The-Date Cards and so should you. Chances are she won’t believe you but to all of those people saying it’s not your place…bullsh*t. He made it her business when he lied to her and got intimate with her.
See people, this is why you should Google people BEFORE you have sex with them!!
Post # 14
Tell her, or better yet, call his commanding officer or his superiors and ask him to order him to tell her.
Post # 15
Please tell her. She could end up with a very serious STD that could impact her fertility later on. I wouldn’t be able to sit quietly with information that could help someone. You are no where near them so there aren’t any repercussions for you telling her.