(Closed) The other woman

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve been on the other end of that (being cheated on while a Boyfriend or Best Friend was in the military), and I was grateful to the woman who let me know he was cheating, even though it was horrible. I’d tell her.

Post # 47
Member
7502 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

lknatbrghtsde :  I didn’t say you couldn’t/shouldn’t give her your advice, I was just pointing out that just because someone hurt you doesn’t mean you need to try ruin their career.

Post # 48
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

k8goeslz :  Who’s to say she doesn’t already know? … THIS! I astounded a girl several years ago who thought she’d get back at Fiance by telling me. Guess what honey! He already felt so bad afterwards he told me himself! So, this girl wound up heartbroken twice because she’d been played then dumped, very crudely. Then again because I didn’t drop him when she revealed all.

Again, OP, It’s just best to leave it alone. You have no idea what level they are on. They could even have an open relationship, which is a whole different ballgame.

Post # 49
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

scissorgirl :  why does she need to clear her conscience? She did nothing wrong?

Post # 50
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake

 

headoverboots :  If the Fiance already knows or they have an open relationship then it won’t hurt anyone if OP tells her. No big deal.

I would want to know before my wedding so that it would at least be my decision based on all available information.

Post # 51
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

I would stay out of it. You don’t know enough about their relationship to make a good decision. Maybe she already knows and chooses to ignore it, maybe this was a one-time slip up and he will never do it again (although that seems unlikely!), maybe she is mentally unstable and can’t handle this kind of info. This is not really your place.

lknatbrghtsde :  Are you serious?! You would call his boss and tattle on him for stepping outside his marriage? That is insanely innapropriate! Heaven help the person who crosses you. You are straight out of “Lethal Attraction”…

Post # 52
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

foxxysoxx :  it could be no big deal….but seriously,  none of you people watch snapped? It could be a very big deal!

Post # 53
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

My psych professor used to tell us that women usally have a feeling but ignorance is bliss. I wouldn’t tell her

Post # 54
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

wbparker :  I don’t know about the Navy, but in the Army cheating along with spousal or child abuse is unacceptable. If they find out, the soldier would be in a lot of trouble,  sometimes court marshaled. 

Post # 55
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I would tell her. Omg this woman is marrying this douche in a month!!!!! I can’t even imagine the heartbreak it will cause but I would tell.

 

Post # 56
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My ex and I were both in the military. I found out he cheated on me during multiple deployments. I appreciated the person who actually had the nuts to tell me…

Post # 57
Hostess
3056 posts
Sugar bee

I would want to know. Whether she believes you or not is on her, not you. But you were both duped by this man.

Post # 58
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

When you confronted him, what was his reaction? Any excuses (lame) or threats etc? I would make my decision based on that info. And I’m leaning towards telling her.

Post # 59
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You should tell her

Post # 60
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

I would tell her. As someone who has been cheated on, I would prefer to know. If she doesn’t believe you, oh well, you did the right thing. And everyone saying “it’s not your place”, I think this is frankly ridiculous. You slept with him, it’s completely your place. If you found out your friend slept with him, that would be different and not your place, but he involved you and now it’s your place to do what you think is the right thing.

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