(Closed) The other woman

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

headoverboots :  what made you think that girl wanted your fiancé back?  Maybe she just wanted to warn you?  Maybe she got “played” and then “dumped crudely,” but you’re the one marrying that prize.  IMO, she got the better end of the deal.

My ex husband cheated on me while we were engaged.  A few acquaintances knew about it.  I wish that someone had told me before we got married.  Yes, I would have believed them.  And yes, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.  

Post # 62
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would want to know, especially as you are not in their friendship circle and there’s no indication she would be able to find out what he’s doing and there’s an opportunity for her to know Before marrying this douche canoe I really think you ought to tell her. 

 

Post # 63
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

[content moderated for snark, personal attack]

Post # 64
Member
4082 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

renierose :  we never agree, except for now. I was thinking the exact same thing,

sorry 

headoverboots :  but it sounds like she was trying to let you know what happened so you could make a decision based on the truth.

OP, you should tell her. Anyone in this situation would want to know what they’re getting themselves into, and then she can make her own decision what she wants to do with that info.

Post # 65
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Tell her! If it were me, I would so want to know! It might save her a wedding and a divorce. 

If she doesn’t believe you, oh well. At least you tried. 

Post # 66
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

Cheekie0077 :  no, she was being vindictive.  She rode by my house, called me at home and work. The whole thing is we had been discussing an open relationship after having a couple of threesomes & it didn’t work out well.(read: Threesome? post from a couple of days ago). But he kind of jumped the gun. But also, no warning necessary as permission on both parts had kind of been discussed. And of course the confession and then some reevaluating afterwards.

Post # 67
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Not telling is taking his side. PLEASE tell her.

Post # 68
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

lovetherain :  I actually do think it IS your place to tell….how else will she find out. Save her a world of hurt and a failed marraige. 

Post # 69
Member
45 posts
Newbee

Living double lives seems to be a trend amongst military men. 

Post # 70
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Soooo many people will tell you to just stay out of it, but I sure as HELL would want to know! If I were his fiancée, I would not hold it against you in any way.

Post # 71
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

lovetherain :  I really don’t think it’s your place to tell her. Plus he could always shrug it off as you being a vindictive ex. He’s probably already lied to her about a few things to cover his tracks. I’m sorry this happened to you! I’ve been cheated on myself and it sucks. 

Honestly, people who cheat like that are really good at lying. I wouldn’t believe anythign he said to you, because you honestly don’t know if it’s true or not. 

 

My ex lied about a whole bunch of things with me. I’m not even sure what is real and what isn’t. I’m glad he is out of my life.

 

My advice to you is to move on the best you can. I’m sure she will find out eventually. Though I know you would probably love to expose him and let her know. My heart goes out to his fiance. Hopefully she finds out before she says I do.

Post # 72
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

headoverboots :  no, my husband isn’t perfect, but he doesn’t cheat on me.  I can’t live with that type of dishonesty.  Maybe you can.

The thing is, if you were as content with the situation as you claim to be, you wouldn’t have so much hatred and animosity towards this woman several years later.  Instead, you’d feel sorry for her, for misunderstanding the situation and for getting hurt in the process.  Also, you’d see nothing wrong with the OP warning this douche bag’s fiancé.

What you have going on here is triangulation.  Your fiancé pinned the two of you against each other.  Your fiancé was the one who “jumped the gun” on your open relationship, but your venom is directed at this woman for telling you.  And you’re okay because you beat her and you WON him.

You’re so defensive because you hate being reminded that your fiancé cheated on you.  You would prefer to sweep it under the rug.  Sorry, that’s what it looks like to an outsider.

Post # 73
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

[content moderated for name calling, personal attack, thread jacking]

Post # 74
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee

lknatbrghtsde :  you sound crazy 

PS: I’m in the military and have seen this play out before 

 

OP: stay out of it. Move on with your life. 

Post # 75
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

headoverboots :  also, if someone is in an open relationship, he is honest about his open relationship status with all of his romantic partners, not just his main one.  He does not go around pretending to be single and “playing” women.

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