(Closed) The other woman

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 91
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

[content moderated for name calling, thread jacking]

Post # 92
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

headoverboots :  That still doesn’t justify or defend your choice of language and too much aggression. If someone makes an incorrect judgement of you, either pay no mind to it or calmly correct it. Getting overly emotional and aggressive will not help you case. I calmly mentioned to you to calm down a bit, and you immediately insulted my ‘observation’ skills. If anyone is being rude here, it’s you, and I think you just need to calm down. Please, let’s act our ages (adults) here and no sink to High school like retorts. Thank you. 

Post # 93
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

headoverboots :  an open relationship is not an excuse to treat other people like crap.  Decent people are honest to all of their lovers in these situations, even if that means having fewer options. Tricking people by pretending to be single is dishonest, immoral and dangerous.

For someone who is so afraid of “crazy women” ala “Snapped,” you should be all for putting safety first and telling all potential sex partners about your relationship status.  “Playing” with people’s emotions by lying to them is a recipe for well deserved disaster.

Post # 94
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

[content moderated for name calling, personal attack, thread jacking]

Post # 95
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would tell her. 

If they were already married, I might feel differently, but this woman still has time to decide if this is the kind of man she wants to legally tie herself to forever. Even if she goes ahead with the wedding, it might change the way she does things (like securing a prenup, etc).

I would be very kind about it and only tell her specifics if she asks for them. 

Post # 96
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

headoverboots :  I’m not trying to bait you.  I feel sorry for you.  But if it works for you to think that all other women are crazy bitches, so be it.  Good night.

Post # 97
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I think you should tell her, woman to woman.  Girl code.  As much as I’d hate to hear it I would want to know.  ESPECIALLY BEFORE the wedding.  

That man put you in such a cruddy position.  Sorry bee.  

Post # 98
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

lovetherain :  it’s not your place to break up their relationship but if I were her, I’d really want to know. Some woman have that gut feeling and just don’t know how to find out or even what it is and some men are REALLY good at pretending that nothing is different. You could save this girl from a lifetime of heart break. Wouldn’t you want someone to save you from heartbreak later in life if they could? I would be so grateful to someone if they helped me see I was being cheated on and cancelled my wedding before getting married and having to have a divorce. 

Do you have proof? Pictures of you guys or texts or something? Because she may not believe you. 

Hate to say this but a woman my brother was cheating with tried to tell his fiancé and she simply didn’t believe this woman (even though all the signs were there), ended up marrying him, having children with him, and then he had another affair down the road and she was left with a mess of a life to try to clean up. 

Post # 99
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

I would want to be told if I were her so if there are no negative consequences to you (it doesn’t sound like there would be) then I would tell her. If she doesn’t believe you, that’s on her because you will have done your part to open her eyes by giving her this information – it’s up to her what she wants to do with it. If she’s nasty to you, you can just block her and be done with it. From my perspective you have nothing to lose by telling her and she has a lot to gain (ditching a cheater without having to go through a divorce) by your telling her.

Post # 100
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d tell her and I really don’t get people saying it’s not your place. You were the one he cheated on her with so yes it is your place. If you were the friend of the person he cheated with then I’d say no it’s not your place but you have a fundamental role in this. I love my husband to bits but if he ever did cheat I’d want to be told, it would break my heart but I’d rather know then carry on loving someone who betrayed me. It would be worse to find out later as well like after she marries him! 

Post # 101
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee

I second cantthinkofagoodname :  ‘s comment.

If I were in her position, I would want to know before I signed those marriage papers.

Her financial future and health are potentially at risk. She deserves to have all of the information before she makes a lifetime commitment.

Post # 102
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I’d keep it to myself. An ex-roomate of mine was getting married years ago, and I went to a party he threw the night before the wedding. He got really drunk and started acting very sexually aggressive toward me. He literally would not take no for an answer. His friends ended up kicking him in the balls until he stopped getting up. Horrible right? I stayed and cried and talked to people there and to him (stupid idea when someone is blacked out drunk…or that’s the excuse anyway) trying to figure out what was going through his mind.

He told me that I was the hottest chick he’d ever known (I moved out because he always made moves on me when he was drinking and I felt that was not right with a then girlfriend). I just figured he wouldn’t dare act that way with the wedding the next day, especially in front of a large group of people. He said his bride was very plain looking, not very smart, and didn’t excite him, but he still wanted her to be the mother of his chidren.

Anyway, I still went to the reception. I kept my mouth shut. I was still in love with my ex and he was at the reception…otherwise I would have skipped it. You know what? He’s a successful lawyer and they have three kids together. 3! I don’t talk to that a**hole anymore, haven’t since the wedding, but from what I’ve heard they are very happy and strict Catholics now. Also, she threatened to kill herself the only time he tried to leave her. I think telling her would have pushed her over the edge. Plenty of his friends witnessed this behavior. None of them said anything.

So…I don’t know, sometimes people change, other times they just get good at pretending. I feel horrible for her, but not my place, not my life (thankfully!). If his wife is oblivious to his follies, perhaps it is on purpose. I’m sorry you were treated badly. Just be thankful you aren’t the one marrying that guy.

Post # 103
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 lovetherain :  Another vote for “tell her”. She would want to know.

Post # 104
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I don’t have an opinion on what you should or shouldn’t do, but I know if it were me I would stay the hell out of it and try to forget it ever happened. Maybe it’s selfish, I just wouldn’t want to be involved in the shitstorm it would create. 

The topic ‘The other woman’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors