(Closed) The people pleasing bride…how do I draw the line, how did you?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can relate, I also think of myself as a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and it is tough to do that with a wedding–there is no way you can make everyone happy with all the decisions to make and guest list selection and everything else!

I have struggled with it and I try my best to be diplomatic. Even though everyone will tell you “It’s your day!”, that’s not always necessarily true. You want your friends and family to enjoy themselves and be comfortable, and if anyone is helping you pay for something they may also have a stake in the decision making. I think compromise is key. It’s also really helped for us to give our family members specific “tasks” that were less important to us to give them ownership over the wedding. They feel included and important and are on “our” side, instead of arguing with us about things.

The guest list issue, though–that’s the worst! If you’re a people pleaser, this is an area in which you may just need to suck it up and accept not everyone will be happy. People are always asking us about the wedding and some people expect to be invited while we had not planned on inviting them. It’s a sensitive issue, but you just need to rise above it and realize not everyone will be 100% happy with your decisions. Ultimately, though, those are yours to make. Good luck!

Post # 4
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i’ve always thought of myself as being way too nice – its a flaw in my eyes but it’s a lot of the reason people like me, i think. you just cant let it get to the point where people know this and take advantage of it…i have that problem with my sister alot, but she is family..what can you do?

you just have to try and make it your priority – its your wedding, you only get to do it once and its about you and Fiance – try not to please everyone but be accepting of ideas and help that is offered. i really had to put my foot down with my mom a few times, she is just like me – so kind and nice and full of ideas but some of them i didnt like, an didnt want to hurt her feelings but i had to think about what i wanted for my wedding.  you have to be comfortable in saying no and that doesnt come easy for me so i try to do it as nice as I can, i always try and avoid hurting peoples feelings so i would be like well thats a cool idea but what about this – i am lucky in the fact that my  mother wanted it to be special for me, so she (being like me) went along with what i wanted.

you have to pick your battles too – figure out what is really important to you. i could care less about the guest list, she was paying, invite who you want but i wanted control over the overall feel and decor – i wasnt going to let anyone sway me on this.

just try and stand your ground for what you want, you can do it while still considering other people.

good luck! 🙂 and i dont think being a people pleaser is a bad thing even though i said i see it as a flaw in myself (that is something i have struggled with for years, but coming to terms with)

i love this quote

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.  – albert einstein


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