Post # 1
Fellow waiting bees- I think I have a thing for discussing phrases that we hear during our dreadful wait…
Let us discuss the phrase ‘practically married.’ My SO said that we are ‘practically married’ one day and I freaked the F out didn’t take it well. When talking with a good friend of mine about this, her first response was “ooohhhh that’s bad.” I admit that I despise of this phrase because it makes me feel like my thoughts on us moving towards to marriage are not serious to him (regardless of him looking at rings or making comments about the future).
Has your SO ever used this phrase to you?
How do you feel about it?
Do you consider it to be good or bad?
Post # 3
When I was waiting, my now Fiance would often say that we were common law married. I repeatedly had to explain to him that to be common law, you have to actually file a form, so we were not common law.
At the time, I felt like he was using it as a way to make it less important that he hadn’t proposed yet. Now that we’re engaged, he still does it from time to time, so I guess the moral of the story is that men can just be kind of dim about certain things.
Post # 4
@jpalm13: I hate it. Its the only time men seem to use it and think it works. I have a job , am I practically rich? I rent a home, am I practically a homeowner? I have sex, am I practically pregnant?
Tell him if he says it again he’ll be practically single…or dead. lol
Post # 5
My Boyfriend or Best Friend has used it before, but only in the sense that we are really practically married in the eyes of the law. In two more months we will be common law married, woohoo! But I’ve never taken it as being a bad thing because he makes alot of references to “when we get married”. So it doesn’t bother me. Now if your SO isn’t talking about the future and including a wedding being in the works, then yeah, I’d be a little worried too.
Post # 6
I actually used the phrase all the time before we were engaged-because we were practically married. We own a house together, combined finances, shared health insuarcne, etc. Literally nothing will change when we get married (excpt my last name), so I have always said we are practically married.
Post # 7
I say this all the time. I dont have a problem with it and kind of see it as a sign of our commitment. If we couldnt get legally married for some reason in August, I know that we would be no less committed. And our committment level is that of two people who are married (as well as other “practical” matters like living together, joint bank accounts, bill paying, budgeting, saving…and all the other “practical” matters that one deals with when married). dont get me wrong, being legally married is extremely important to me, but the moment were married, our commitment will be the same to each other and our relationship as it has been since we, well…committed to each other lol.
Post # 8
Honestly, my Fiance used that phrase the DAY after he got the ring (my grandma’s) from my parents. I didn’t know it at the time. So it’s not always a bad thing 🙂
Post # 9
I see where it could be appropriate for you two. And I think its great you are so firm in your relationships. SO and I only share groceries and an apt. Nothing else is combined. Maybe that’s why I don’t see us as being practically married and was not happy with its use?
I believe this phrase came out when he was suggesting I start trying to save more money for us to buy a house. (We’ve previously discussed that I will not under any circumstances buy a house with him prior to marriage or open a joint bank account.) Which he followed with somehting about “why wouldn’t you want to save up for it since we’re practically married?” To me, practically married (in a state which does not recognize common law) is when there is an engagement ring on my finger.
Or maybe I just lean too much towards old fashioned for my own good….
Post # 10
I never took it as an insult. Before we were engaged we lived together, celebrated holidays together, had a joint bank account, had a dog together. We treated each other with the respect you’d give a spouse, which I think is a good thing. For us it really meant: Not that much is going to be changing once we do tie the knot.
Post # 11
My mother used the term when I asked her why it wasn’t a big deal for me to move in with FH right before he proposed when, in the past, she was very disdainful of the idea. She even said that, when my brother and sister in law moved in together for their engagement, she didn’t like it. But us? We’re practically married! What?
I dislike the term as much as “playing house” and would equate it to those people who talk about being “practically” a virgin. Nope. You are married or you’re not. I am not practically married to my man. I’m engaged to him. Before I was engaged, I was dating him. Practically noting.
Post # 12
We used that phrase constantly before we were engaged because it was true. We had lived together for more than 5 years with joint finances. The only difference between us and our married friends was that fancy piece of paper. Now that we’re married, it doesn’t feel any different than it did before. I personally don’t see anything wrong with saying you’re “practically married” if that’s how your relationship feels.
Post # 13
I hate it. Because then you can get from him “Well we’re practically married so whats the point of having a wedding?”.
I’ve got this, and yes i get pissed off. Its makes me feel like they have no incentive for marriage, and therefore think its ok to make us wait. Which is not ok.
Post # 14
I dont like it. However, when my Fiance said it, he meant it as in “we are practically married now, so why would getting married change our relationship in a negative way”. We get along well, and we handle our house/lives in a harmonious way, so by being “practically married”, we saw that getting married was not going to change anything for the worse. I think this is actually the only reason why we are getting married!
However, I’d be leery if a guy said to me “we are practically married now so what is the point of a wedding?”. I think it really is only an excuse men get away with.
I think it just depends on the context in which it is used.
Post # 15
We had never used this term in our relationship prior to marriage. If SO had done so, I would serve him his a$$ on a platter.
“Practically married” is not the same as being married. There’s a BIG difference.
In spite of the fact that people can share a house, finances, children, etc., the point is that they can just as easily walk away from it all. The legal marriage certificate is not “just a piece of paper”. It does in fact bind you to each other LEGALLY. This is not just a HUGE different in lifestyle, or a difference in your feelings for each other, it’s more profound than that.
Post # 16
I agree with @soyjoy222 that it depends on the context – if it’s used an excuse to put off an engagement or marriage, then … that’s not cool. My SO has told me something similar, he said he already considers me his wife. From his tone, the context, and previous conversations, I know he means that he considers himself as committed to me as if we were married, so I’m perfectly okay (and flattered by) what he said.