Post # 1
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
Please help! I’ve been researching etiquette on addressing inivtes and have been seeing alot sites saying you shouldn’t put “and guest” on the invite. Some of our friends and family are not married/engaged, but are in a relationship; of which we plan to put the significant other’s name on the invite as well. Our dilemma actually comes from the grooms sister. She was engaged herself a few months back, but the engagement was broken. Now she is singe. When we were having a discussion out loud with a couple family members, her response to the “and guest” dilemma was “she’s not dating anyone right now so she’s just going to plan on bringing one of her girl friends as her guest”.
!!!!
We haven’t yet tackled this one. We just let it go at the time because invites haven’t went out yet, but they will be in about 2 months. We feel it’s rude that she automatically think that she’s “entitled” to a guest & plans to just bring a girl friend. We have a feeling she will be one to make a scene when it comes time to try to confront her about it. Are we wrong???? We have tried to stay on a budget…which includes having to cut the guest list down. Basically with that, none of the grooms cousins are invited due to how large his family is. We are pretty much responsible for the cost. His mother is giving us a small amount, but don’t feel that she holds any say over everything we do.
Would appreciate some responses! Thanks!! 🙂
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
Yes, it is rather rude for her to assume that. That being said if you think you can squeeze her friend in it might be a nice gesture. She may be feeling awkward since she was recently engaged and having a friend there may help to support her (although I guess the need for support depends on how her relationship ended). If you can’t fit in her friend it’s probably better to have the groom or your Mother-In-Law discuss it with her. I am not telling you to run away from conflict but since they likely know her much better than you do, they might be able to do it easier. 🙂
Post # 4
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
It’s one thing if you’re inviting a newly single person who won’t know anyone at the entire wedding. In that case, it might be kind to give them a “plus one”. But, in your situation, it’s the groom’s sister – I’m guessing she’ll know some people there!
Post # 5
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
If you want her to bring someone specific, then you include their name on the invite. if you want to control it, don’t give her a +1. Unfortunately, if you give someone the “and guest” option, you can’t dictate who that guest is.
It’s only bad etiquette to put “and guest” on the invite if they have a significant other who’s name you know.
Post # 6
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
I too think it is rather rude that his sister assumed she could bring a guest especially since she is single and will know people at the wedding. To keep the peace if you can afford it invite her plus one. However, if it will cost you more than you have bargained for I’ll say have your fI talk to her. Good luck.
Post # 7
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I think that since she is a family member, maybe you should make an exception for her. Can you imagine how hard it would be to be engaged and then break up and have to go to your brother’s wedding completely alone? We really tried to give everyone an option to have a guest if they were single so that they didn’t have to come to the wedding alone.
Post # 8
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
First of all, can put “and guest” on the invite. Usually you would do this on the inner envelope, but if you aren’t having an inner envelope you put it on the outer.
Secondly, I do think that she should not assume she can just bring a friend. This is her brothers wedding, she will have plenty of family there and I would have Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law talk to her about this.
We had this discussion, and are only going to extend an “and guest” to FI’s sisters/cousins if they are in a serious relationship.
How far along in her engagement did she get? I’m assuming she didn’t get very far if she can’t see how assuming this is and understand it from a budget issue…plus, you aren’t even having FI’s cousins there — they should take precedence over the sister’s friend…In My Humble Opinion.
Good Luck!
Post # 9
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
Mizrunzou ~ her engagement was short lived, along with the entire relationship. I guess the time thing shouldn’t matter. But on top of the issue at hand, the sister also expressed at one point she was upset she wasn’t standing up in the wedding either. We only have 2 people standing up on each side. The groom has 2 sistes & a SIL, and I felt like if I had one sister, then the other would be hurt. I feel like we would be trying to satisfy everyone so no one “gets hurt”. I feel like this is our wedding, not some random night on the town. I hate the fact that I feel like we have to “tip-toe” around people’s feelings when isn’t this day supposed to be about US to begin with? I feel like if she does make a scene when finally confronted, that she is being selfish and making this about her when it’s supposed to be our special day.
UGH! I guess time will tell when it comes time to send them out. We will make that phone call and ask & express our concern if she is still talking about bringing the friend (that we’ve never met by the way either)
Post # 10
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I would definitely bend the rules for the Future Sister-In-Law. We’re not adding +1s for people not in serious relationships, but have always planned to let our siblings bring dates if they wanted to. There are some fights that are not really worth it; I’d put this in that category.
Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
I’m with @Spaniel on this one. Pick and choose your battles, some of them really just aren’t worth the drama. It’s rude of her and the family members to assume she can bring someone but it’s better to just let this one slide.
Otherwise what I’d do is give her the invite without the “and guest” in person and explain to her that you don’t have enough money to host additional guests at the wedding but you hope that as there’ll be a lot of family around she’ll be able to understand that and spend time with them.
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