(Closed) The “plus one” invite

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes, it is rather rude for her to assume that. That being said if you think you can squeeze her friend in it might be a nice gesture. She may be feeling awkward since she was recently engaged and having a friend there may help to support her (although I guess the need for support depends on how her relationship ended). If you can’t fit in her friend it’s probably better to have the groom or your Mother-In-Law discuss it with her. I am not telling you to run away from conflict but since they likely know her much better than you do, they might be able to do it easier. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s one thing if you’re inviting a newly single person who won’t know anyone at the entire wedding. In that case, it might be kind to give them a “plus one”. But, in your situation, it’s the groom’s sister – I’m guessing she’ll know some people there!

Post # 5
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you want her to bring someone specific, then you include their name on the invite.  if you want to control it, don’t give her a +1.  Unfortunately, if you give someone the “and guest” option, you can’t dictate who that guest is. 

It’s only bad etiquette to put “and guest” on the invite if they have a significant other who’s name you know.

Post # 6
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I too think it is rather rude that his sister assumed she could bring a guest especially since she is single and will know people at the wedding. To keep the peace if you can afford it invite her plus one. However, if it will cost you more than you have bargained for I’ll say have your fI talk to her. Good luck.

Post # 7
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that since she is a family member, maybe you should make an exception for her.  Can you imagine how hard it would be to be engaged and then break up and have to go to your brother’s wedding completely alone?  We really tried to give everyone an option to have a guest if they were single so that they didn’t have to come to the wedding alone.

Post # 8
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

First of all, can put “and guest” on the invite.  Usually you would do this on the inner envelope, but if you aren’t having an inner envelope you put  it on the outer.

Secondly,  I do think that she should not assume she can just bring a friend.  This is her brothers wedding, she will have plenty of family there and I would have Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law talk to her about this. 

We had this discussion, and are only going to extend an “and guest” to FI’s sisters/cousins if they are in a serious relationship. 

How far along in her engagement did she get?  I’m assuming she didn’t get very far if she can’t see how assuming this is and understand it from a budget issue…plus, you aren’t even having FI’s cousins there — they should take precedence over the sister’s friend…In My Humble Opinion.

Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I would definitely bend the rules for the Future Sister-In-Law. We’re not adding +1s for people not in serious relationships, but have always planned to let our siblings bring dates if they wanted to. There are some fights that are not really worth it; I’d put this in that category.

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with @Spaniel on this one. Pick and choose your battles, some of them really just aren’t worth the drama. It’s rude of her and the family members to assume she can bring someone but it’s better to just let this one slide.

Otherwise what I’d do is give her the invite without the “and guest” in person and explain to her that you don’t have enough money to host additional guests at the wedding but you hope that as there’ll be a lot of family around she’ll be able to understand that and spend time with them.

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