Post # 1
Alright so pretty much, how are you dealing with your “plus one” situation????
Fiance & I decided only our friends who are engaged or are really serious/live together would be allowed to bring their SO. Well now that it’s getting closer we are getting asked by friends about their plus one. We went out with friends one night, and my friend had asked how planning was going. Then she continued to tell me how she was bringing a friend to our wedding because her friend needed some time away…. REALLY!?!?! (it gets more complicated too, since her friend is the ex-wife of FI’s cousin– who was not invited to the wedding) Maybe I was raised differently, but I never once just assumed I could bring someone, especially after my save the date only said my name on it. I was so shocked by the statement when we were out I didn’t really know how to approach it, but I did say something how it was her ex’s family and I don’t want them to be uncomfortable either. I mean it’s a bizarre situation. But I do have others assuming they are bringing guests.
Sorry for the vent/rant but knowing how others are approaching their situations would help. Thanks bees 🙂
Post # 3
Either you let everyone bring a guest, or you simply address the invitation to who is invited, then fill out the reply card for them. Like say “we have reserved ___ seats in your honor” and you put the number of people who are invited.
Post # 4
We gave very few plus ones. If somebody had a so at the time we sent out their invite we put their name on it specifically.
Post # 5
Were actually giving everyone over 18 a plus one, unless they are one of my FI’s church friends where their parents and siblings are coming (hes friends with the parents and the siblings). We thought they would know enough people to not need a +1. I guess I have one cousin who didn’t get one who is 19, but shes taking a 6 hour flight to get to the wedding so I don’t think a date would want to pay their way. We happened to choose a place that was affordable and large enough to accomodate people and their dates. I suspect many people will not bring dates though, which might make us short of the minimum. We haven’t sent out Save-The-Date Cards yet (too early for August 2013) so the list has some time to change though.
Post # 6
The only friends who got a plus one were ones in a relationship – even if we’ve never met the person, so long as it was a long term relationship. As far as family members, anyone over the age of 25 got a +1, and if you are under 25, you only get a +1 if you are engaged or cohabitating with a SO. Period. We really can’t afford to pay for anyones “flavor of the week!”
Post # 7
We are planning a wedding for our daughter. The only plus ones are for the wedding party and their close friends. My husband’s cousin whom we’v seen once in 10 years ask to bring his Girlfriend. We said no. Then he went over our head and asked my daughter. Ahem, we are hosting……The nerve!! We even have the “We have reserved ______seats in your honor” to prevent bringing uninvited guests.
We are having only close friends and relatives and my daughter and her Fiance couldn’t even ask all their friends, so we are not letting a cousin to bring a guest that we don’t even know.
If the situation arises that people fill in uninvited guests, they will be getting a phone call from me.
Post # 8
@dfontaine07: I really wish we had done what @KristenGotMarried: said…”We have reserved ___ seats in your honor”. This is the best advice!
Post # 9
@KristenGotMarried: We did all of this and STILL had people asking to bring guests.
We only allowed those in serious relationships to bring a date (basically you have to be engaged or we have to have met you). We also allowed the wedding party a +1 if they were single (one person).
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
We gave =1s to serious relationships and to people who wouldn’t know ANYONE else at all at the wedding (ex: a coworker I’m inviting).
You just have to make rules and stick to it.
Post # 11
We gave +1’s to everyone invited but we only invited family and close friends.
Post # 12
Honestly – there have been a lot of threads dedicated to this, and several of those threads have even quoted Miss Manners and Emily Post. I think the grand conclusion is: there is no “set” etiquette. You have to do what is appropriate for 1) your facility space 2) your budget 3) what is common in your societal circle 4) whatever YOU feel most comfortable with (or whoever is paying). As long as you follow those rules, you should be absolutely fine.
Post # 13
Etiquette does demand that all married, engaged, and living together couples be invited together as they are a social unit. You cannot split a social unit. Anyone is not required to be invited with an escort.
But who IS invited other then social units is up to you.
Don’t stress about people rsvping for uninvited guests. Just call them up and tell them there has been a misunderstanding, and you cannot accommodate their uninvited guest. They are the one that should be embarrassed.
Post # 14
@Miss Orchard: “We really can’t afford to pay for anyones “flavor of the week!”
My thoughts exactly, though I’ve limited plus-ones to engaged or married for family, and friends or co-workers are allowed a date regardless because they simply won’t know anyone.
Post # 15
@eagle: I think its great that people who wouldn’t know anyone got a plus 1. There have been a couple of weddings where I have been invited to where I wasn’t going to know anyone and I was not given a +1 so I was a lot less likely to go. Last year my best friend and i both got invited to a wedding (2 different ones) where we weren’t going to know a lot of people, so we brought each other just to have some company. It was really nice to be able to spend the day with our friends getting married without having that awkward “I dont know anyone” feel
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@NVACat: and thats exactly how we felt. We didn’t give plus 1’s to single cousins, or cousins who are 18 and have a 2/3 month long relationship. But we felt like if we are inviting coworkers who won’t know anyone else, if no other coworkers go, then they need a plus 1.