Post # 1
After replying to another post, I started thinking about how sometimes the “point” of getting married after living together for so long is questioned. Do any of you ever worry that your SO might not see the point of getting married since you’ve lived together for so long and maybe even share a house, car, etc?
We’ve pretty much lived together 9 of the 13 months we’ve been together. I don’t regret it, I couldn’t imagine not living with him, but I wonder if he’ll want to get married since we already live as though we are.
Post # 3
I think that can happen, but I think that marriage is just another form of committment and if my guy wants to spend the rest of his life with me, then he’ll have to make that committment. I wouldn’t be okay with just living with him forever. And I also think it has a little bit to do with how your living together situation is like. I live with my boyfriend now, but we don’t have any shared expenses. The only thing that might count is groceries because obviously if one of us is at the store, we’re going to pick up dinner for both of us. But he owns the house and I pay him rent every month, so although we live together, I still don’t get the “our home” feel. But I can imagine that if we lived more like a married couple then maybe he wouldn’t want to change things.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
The way I look at it, even if you’ve lived together, there’s a HUGE difference between living together and being married. I feel like even if you are already completely committed to each other, there’s just something about being married that is so much more significant.
Honestly, I don’t really know how to explain it…but I do know that I feel like there’s a very big difference – and my Fiance feels the same, if it makes you feel any better!
Post # 5
Fiance and I had a conversation about this the other day – many people have asked us why we are getting married young when we live together and “act” married already. We will have lived together almost four years when we get married, and we’ll have been together for eight years.
To us, getting married is important because it’s an official statement of our love, and it includes a celebration involving family and friends. What’s more, we’d like to legally be each others’ family, and we are excited to take that step forward together. It’s more of an “at last” feeling – living together was the practical thing. This is what we’ve been waiting for.
We pretty much fall under everything you’ve said – share an apt, a car, money, etc – but we’re both lucky enough to be on the same page with marriage. Everyone has a different take on it, though, I’d just talk to your SO!
Post # 6
I think there is a HUGE difference. Getting married means a commitment. Even though we live together, and want to be together forever many things will change once we get married. One is being more combined in Finances. The other stablility. I’d prefer to be married when we start having kids. It’s kinda hard to explain. It’s more a feeling and my Fiance shares that. = )
Post # 7
I used to worry about that, and it is one of the reasons I developed a “no living together before engagement” rule. Honestly with the guy I am with now… I have never been concerned about it. I think he would want to marry me regardless of where I live. 🙂
I definitely think there is a HUGE difference between living together and marriage. Some couples who live together may live like they’re married… but most that I know do not. They split bills, they make independent decisions, and there is less sense of permanency. Marriage is a spiritual bond that you will be together forever. Not just in this house, not just until the end of the lease, but until death do you part. Not even close to the same thing.
Post # 8
Aside from the warm fuzzy things about getting married, my response would be this: if I’m in the hospital do you want to be able to see me and make decisions on my behalf? Because unless you’re married, you can’t do that. There are so many “practical” reasons to get married. I’m not saying you should get married just for health benefits or insurance incentives, but there is much more to getting married than “I love you. I love you, too.” Does that make sense? I think most guys see the “point” in getting married, if for nothing else than to please their girlfriend.
Post # 9
@eaq- good point! I’m going to get a SERIOUS upgrade on health insurance when i get married, yay!
Post # 10
Really – nothing should change from when you are dating (er dating once you get serious enough to consider getting engaged) to when you get married – emotionally that is. Things will change, like living quarters (for some), insurance, banking, last name….but really when you are engaged, you are engaged to be married
you just need time to plan a wedding.
just my two cents 🙂
Post # 11
This is a good, hot topic!
After dating for about 4 months, my (then) BF asked if I’d like to move in with him to the new house he was going to be renting. I never thought I’d want to move in with a SO and so I told him that…that I didn’t want to become “that couple” that never gets married..because, let’s be real, we were still a new couple but I knew he was the one.
He understood so I didn’t move in – though I do spend lots of time over there! To my surprise, he proposed about 5 months later.
And…random, yes, but I am beyond excited to say “my husband.”
Post # 12
I completely understand where you are coming from, for me; we are buying a house together, have joint finances, have joint health care, etc.
Our main reason for getting married will actually be for us when we have children. My BF is catholic and he doesnt want to have a child out of wedlock. Not that there is anything wrong with that – i myself was born to unmarried parents (they have since gotten married in the past 26 years)
At least he is the one with the be-all and end-all reason why we should get married soon! 🙂
Post # 13
There is a HUGE difference…esp when it comes to religion.
I’ve lived with my Fiance for like 3 years now, but we still think its important to get married. Getting married, especially in the church, is a lifelong commitment. I don’t you should assume there’s not point in marriage if you’re already living together. Besides religious reasons, there’s also financial benefits to being married.
Post # 14
They’re hugely different things, being married and living together. That being said, I think guys are more likely to see it as a reason not to get married, or not rush to get married, more so than a woman might. One of the reasons I won’t live with my man is so I don’t get stuck in a non-committal relationship rut. He guards his interests, I guard mine.
If you’re worried about it, talk to him! Make sure he knows the difference and how you feel about it. With an issue like this you really deserve some clarity.
Post # 15
Marriage and relationships fascinate me, and I was reading a book recently that examined and discussed marriage throughout the different periods in history – reasons why people married, how old and at what lifestage, expectations of husband and wife roles, how marriage fitted in to the economic, social, and historical time.
I found the most interesting part to be the part about ‘modern’ marriages – one of the most common views of marriage currently is that it is an extra commitment and level of life stage, but that it happens *after* you’ve got the rest of your life (e.g. job, finances, independence etc) sorted and are ‘ready’. This is a first, historically. Women in particular have never had the independence and self sufficiency that we have now that allowed that to happen.
So even though people live together, and often have a house/car and even children together, marriage is still considered a valued dedication to make to each other. It’s like the ultimate choice to commit, with house/car and even children being the mini ‘test commitments’ along the way.
Post # 16
My fiance and I have lived together nearly 4 years now and been dating a little over 5. Even though we o-own a car, share finances, have a dog together, and so on, getting married was still important to us. I never had a worry that he wouldn’t propose – we kind of knew exactly what we wanted for a wedding, and in order to achieve that, we needed to work and make money, and be more settled! We want to be able to make a very public commitment to one another and join our families. Another more frustrating way of putting it would be that it’s almost a form of ‘validation’ for the rest of the world, who no matter how rock-solid our relationship may be, they just don’t treat you the same when you say “boyfriend” instead of “husband.”