Post # 1
My fiance and I although have already agreeed we want kids finally had the talk about when. Have you and if so what have you decided.
We’ve been together for 2 years so far and we’re not getting married for another 6 months. (late June) What we’ve decided was we’ll talk about it again when we get closer to it but the January after we’re married I go off my birth control and we’ll see what happens.
What have any of you decided and what factors went into your decision.
Neither one of us want to be old parents and we’re both ridiculously excited about having children and don’t really see much of a point in waiting except obviously for money reasons but we figure our parents were able to do it with a lot less money than us so we should be fine.
I’m just really curious if we have a different mindset than others.
I’ll be 26 he’ll be 29 (that January when I go off the pill) we live in Boston now but thinking about moving south to build up some equity, the only thing holding us back is cuz our parents are up in New England too and I’m scared to have a baby without them :o)
Post # 3
I imagine we’ll revisit it again as well, but when we’ve talked about it in the past we’ve agreed to start trying in 2011. We’re getting married in September 2009; we’ll both be 28 at the wedding and 30 in 2011.
We’re excited to start a family but nervous about having babies in NYC, where we live now. It’s expensive and we’re far away from both families.
I’m hoping that by 2011 we’ll either feel more finanically stable or be closer to our parents so they can help out with childcare.
Post # 4
So I was thinking about going off the BC as soon as I got married too, and then I talked to some co-workers and older friends. Three out of five got pregnant in the first two months being off the BC. The other two were within a couple of months – I think the longest was 5. I, personally, am not going off until I am certain I am ready – because I think my body will be ready right away
Post # 5
We are going off the BC right after the wedding. I have a health history where it may be hard for me to conceive, so we are getting started right away. We have a few concerns about money, but people have managed to do it with much less than what we have!
Post # 6
one of the first reasons i knew my fiance and i were a match was when i saw how excited he was to have children. all my life i’ve anticipated being a mother, and though i’m not ready for it now, i can’t wait for that day. we’re young, but we’ve been together a long time and we’ve discussed it thoroughly. we’re going to try for four starting when we’re both 25, which is 4 years from now! honestly though, we may not make it to 25! i feel what you’re saying about not being an old mother though. i’m hoping to have three kids of my own before i’m 30, because i’d really like to adopt in my 30’s.
Post # 7
ps: i dont’ think there’s anything wrong with starting late. everyone’s clock is different. i think motherhood is beautiful ALL the time, but i just feel like i couldn’t do it late in my life.
Post # 8
We’ve had the talk. I agree that finding a man who is eager to have kids is so nice for those of us who want that. Plus, I think he’ll make a great daddy, and I tell him so 🙂
It’s refreshing (and maybe just because we’re older) to hear him say stuff like, "when we have kids…" or try to remember the difference between Little Red Riding Hood and Goldylocks and saying he wants to study up. I think it’s most important that you find someone who wants the same thing and you. I hope you feel as lucky as I do, and it sounds like you do.
We will probably wait another 3-4 years, at which point we’ll be 31-32, and the main reason for that is to give us time to enjoy everything we want to do with each other first (travel, work like crazy, etc) because we can’t even imagine what a life changing event that will be. We’re also recognizing that it will be harder because we are both away from our parents and will have to do more on our own.
Post # 9
We are getting married in April of 2009. We are not using BC, but we will be using the natural family planning method. It works for trying and not trying 🙂
We are planning on not trying until September of 2010. However, if it happens, it happens. I am 23 and my soon to be husband is 25.
If we are able to wait until Sept of 2010 I will be 25 and he will be 27. I really hope we can wait, we would have everything paid off except the house, but I would be perfectly happy if it happened sooner. 😉
Post # 10
Absolutely. We made sure to be on the same page for everything. We’re hoping to start trying when I’m 29 or 30, which is 6 years from now.
It seems like a long time, but we want to be very established…travel the world, have lots of money put away, a great house. I also plan on getting an MBA, but can’t do that for a few years since the top schools essentially require 3+ years experience. 23+3+2 years for school = 28. I want to be accomplished aside from being a mother, which means a child is on the back burner for quite some time.
Post # 11
We have been together for almost 5 years and have had the talk multiple times during those years. We are getting married in 2010 at which point I’ll be 26 and he’ll be 25. We don’t want to have children until we feel more financially stable and have a nice home.
We are planning on waiting until early 2013, when we will both be 28.
He wants 2 kids and I want more, but we decided to have 2 and if we can have more financially we are hoping for 3-4.
Post # 12
@MegK: we have virtually the same schedule! I am a little younger than you as I graduated with my BS early.
But my goal is work for 3 years while hubby is in grad school, then get my MBA, maybe work for 1 more year and then try. Fi will be 29, I will be 27.
It feels like a long way off, but I am so excited to be married and set up a house and life together away from everything I know now (chicago to san diego) that having kids right away would be really challenging
Post # 13
Wow! I knew other people talked about this, but I guess I never really thought it through totally.
We talk about it because we both work together and everyone just wants to have kids because they think it will be cute and he really will be a great dad.
We decided that we will be married for a full year before even trying to get pregnant. I have a daughter from a first marriage who will be 13 when we marry and we both feel that we just need to get into the groove of being a family and getting her through her first year of high school before we bring a baby into the mix.
It seems like it is forever away, and I do panic because by that time I will be 35 and OY with the things people tell you about being pregnant over 35!!
Personally, I’m looking forward to having that year to just be a family and it just be us before we try to bring another person into our house. I think that it’s important to just be for a while.
Post # 14
Just a Public Service Announcement – Everyone should go out and buy the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" before even thinking about getting pregnant. It’s a great resource for anyone trying to avoid getting pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or just learn about their cycle. I think it should be required reading for all girls in high school and college. Reading it will save a lot of heartache when/if you start trying.
We’ve been married for three months, and we are off birth control this month (but charting to avoid getting pregnant). I’m 34 and he’s 39, so we’ll probably start trying in the next year or so.
Post # 15
I guess I’m the first here who has had the opposite type of pregnancy talk. I’ve never wanted to have my own kids for social/environmental/money reasons as well as the fact that I think its just plain icky. My Fiance doesn’t want them either and has some things in his medical history that he wasn’t excited about passing along. So, he had a vasectomy last year. It was a bit of a challenge since he’s now only 25 and I am 23 and we’re not married yet, but people make the life-changing decision TO have kids lots younger than that, so making the decision NOT TO is no different. We plan to adopt quite a bit later in life, after doing lots of other selfish things we want to do together first.
Post # 16
Finally someone who wants to be selfish for a while! Haha That is exactly what we plan on doing when we get married! We both want to have kids eventually, but we are YOUNG and want to enjoy that for a while.