Post # 32
I’m in my early 30s and Fiance just turned 40. When we first started dating we talked about kids and while he used to want them he had resigned himself to not having any. He knew I wanted at least one. We have deceided we will probably stop preventing a few months after the wedding. We started living together shortly after we met and have been living together for over 2 years. Our finances have been combined for a while and we bought a house together this summer. As long as we feel we can afford it anad work out a plan for daycare we are going to start trying a few months after the wedding in September. We don’t want to risk additional complications due to my age and he doesn’t want to start fatherhood when he is halfway through his 40s.
Post # 33
There are other ways to surprise him to let him know that you are wanting to get pregnant.
Please DO NOT stop without talking with him first! I would hate for there to maybe be a conflict because you did not talk to him first.
This is something that affects both of you, you guys are going to be a team and you need to talk about it first!!!!!!
Post # 34
We are going to begin trying right after the honeymoon I went off b/c 4 months ago because it was a cause of my headaches. I have issues, down there, and have had surgery once already to remove pre-cancerous cells and am terrified of not being able to have a baby if they become cancerous. My mom had to have a complete hysterectomy (sp) at the age of 43, because she had cervical cancer. I’ll be 25 when we get married and he’ll be 29, plus he has said from the get go that he wants to have his first by the time he’s 30, which I think is cutting it a little close. We both want at least 2, a boy and a girl, but are willing to try for a 3rd so we can have one of each. I’d also like to adopt one our own kids around 8-10 yrs old.
@Muffin22-While I’m on the other side of the opinion you are getting, I know that if I could do that to my fiance, he’d be thrilled. So long as you still know how he feels about kids, and what he really wants. I know I can’t wait for the day to tell my fiance/husband that we are pregnant, so I can imagine how exciting it would be if he wasn’t expecting it.
Post # 35
i was skimming weddingbee with my Fiance last night and the highlight post on this topic came up. he immediately said, "well, we’ve already talked about that." haha, so i guess the case is closed. basically, awhile back i told him that i want to be able to have a few years of just us first, and then we’ll start talking/thinking about it. he’s 26 and i’m 22, so by the time he’s 30, i’ll be 26, and i figure that’s probably a pretty good time.
Post # 36
hey, by the time i get married, i’ll be 26 and the hubs will be 29 just like you. for us, we eloped over a year ago and are only now getting married in the church. we’ve talked about children so often since we’re both very BIG on having a very BIG family. knowing such, we will not be actively "trying" until after our honeymoon (which takes place four months after our church wedding – and well worth it since i’ll be all over europe for 14 days). this gives us time to unwind from the wedding day madness, find a new home, etc.
normally, i would not suggest trying to conceive so quickly (i’ve actively discouraged many of my friends for various reasons) because i believe that everyone needs some time to be married, but in my case, i’ve already done that bit and by the time our church wedding rolls around, we would have been married for a year and seven months!! my biggest thing that i tell my girlfriends is that you have to be ready for the financial impact and the strain it takes on your relationship. financially, mentally, and emotionally – you REALLY need to be ready for it.
and i hate to say "i told you so" but my bff was with her now EX husband for 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS before they finally tied the knot. i discouraged her from having children because i’ve known the couple for so long and i knew he was not even WANTING to get married moreless have children right away. on top of that, their financial situation had them living off of practically ramen noodles every day! despite my pleading and offering to buy her birth control, she got pregnant two months after her wedding. they’re now divorced and she’s a single mom. By The Way, she was married TWO WEEKS before me and has been divorced for almost a full year.
not trying to scare you, but i’m just putting it out there that you should really consider your hubs feelings about this and make sure it’s what he really wants to and write lists of all the things you’ll both need financially, mentally, etc. good luck!
Post # 37
We will be together for 2.5 years, known each other about 3 on our wedding date. He will be 31 & I will be 29. We have to wait a few months for me to finish my masters, but we plan on going off the pill a month before graduation. My company is paying for my degree, and we both make good money in our jobs right now. So, it will be a little hectic to start trying about 9 mos after the wedding, but I am worried about waiting too long, due to some health concerns & our age. We want to have 2 kids if possible then foster/adopt, so we don’t want too old.
My mom had me @ 34 & it was a very healthy pregnancy, but I was the 3rd. My sister didn’t have her kids until her 30s & both came early w/ her having dangerously high blood pressure. The 2nd was a micro preemie, and was a very scary situation, so I think that is why I decided not to wait a little longer. (I used to think you needed to be married a year first & that I’d want more time after my degree. Some days I still wonder why I’m killing myself to work full time & do a PT master to instantly take maternity, hehe.)
Post # 38
I’m so glad I was able to start such a discussion!
I’m also glad to see that our concerns are a lot like all of yours…
Muffin dear. I know you’ve heard this a lot already but…
Double/even triple check that he is still onboard the baby train before you surprise him like that. If your 110% sure he is then I guess go ahead and surprise him… But if you can sense any doubt at all please please please sit down and talk to him about it. 21 is young for us girls but 21 is even younger for boys… He may be having a really good time finally legally being allowed in a bar. He may want to wait. He may have decided he doesn’t want any anymore knowing you didn’t want them. If I were you I’d have the talk and then maybe go off the pill without him knowing…
Post # 39
My Fiancee and I have had plenty of baby talks… The baby talk came up very early in our relationship because my fiancee is unlikely to be able to have children. He’s 28 now, but in his early 20s, he was diagnosed with a rare testicular disease. Soon after we began dating, he filled me in on the situation and we had the talk.
We both want children, but because of the difficulties, we may not become parents. We’ve discussed adoption and sperm donors and all of the options, but decided that if we are meant to be parents, it will happen naturally.
After becoming engaged, we had a more realistic baby talk and decided that we’re both okay with not having children if we aren’t able to have them naturally. Our conversation made me think of Sex and The City when Carrie is dating Alexandr Petrovsky and thinks of the fabulous life she could have without children.
With or without children, I know that my life with my Fiancee will be fabulous and it pains me to see the strain the prospect of children puts on some relationships.
Post # 40
My husband and I were married 08.09.08 and have done nothing but talk about having kids. I just turned 35 and he is 33, so the clock is ticking. We wanted to start asap, but we own a condo with a downstairs neighbor that smokes. It may sound picky, but I just don’t want to be prego smelling that smoke everytime I walk up the stairs, or when our neighbor does laundry (it gets really bad then). So, since we were planning on buying a bigger place anyway, we’ve decided to wait until we move. The plan is to go off the pill as soon as we go into escrow; hopefully that will be this summer.
Post # 41
We got married August 2008 and we’ll start trying this July 2009. I’m 30 and he’s 28. I think that now is the right time for us and I’m certainly not going to be an "old" mommy. I’m glad I got to enjoy my 20s kid-free. I got my career started, saved some money and now we are both ready for kids. I also paid down my student debt – I want to start my life as a parent in the black, not in the red. These are all things that I think are important to consider before having kids. And of course I’ve had the kid itch for a while – I just ignored it and made sure to focus on what was important at the time. Plus, I had the wedding-itch for a while – it’s now been replaced by the baby-itch. 😉
Here’s something fun to do for all your baby-itchers:
You submit a photo of yourself and partner and it creates a baby from the two photos. The results are eerily cute. 🙂 Do this for now, make a real baby when the time is right. 😀