The process of choosing a ring together. Please share your experience.

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 15
656 posts
Busy bee

I just sent him pictures of rings whenever I saw one I liked, and then looking in person was really fun and casual. The first time we looked was when we wanted to try a new brunch restaurant and I said “Oh, that’s right by (jeweler where a mutual friend’s ring was made), do you want to browse there afterward?” We had some mimosas and tried on rings and had a blast.

After that, if there was a jewelry store by where we happened to be already we’d pop in and see what they had to offer. There were a few stores I wanted to go to specifically, but we always turned it into a fun date either before or after.

Post # 16
4643 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I love the process of custom ring design, so I was always involved down to the littlest detail. I have gotten a few upgrades since then, and part of the fun is designing and poring over every detail!

Post # 17
180 posts
Blushing bee

Exciting ! 

But he only went with me to the first store. Then he told me to go shopping in various stores and websites until I found the style of ring I wanted with the best price.

i did the foot work. I was upset at first, but the. I quickly realized that it was awesome that I was picking out my own ring!! I got almost everything go wanted for a banging prices!!

 it cost me a lot of hours and hair pulling moments to find the right one. I couldn’t imagine trying to do that for someone ELSE. I understand why men take so long to pick a ring.. it can be stressful at times!

Post # 18
100 posts
Blushing bee

The stores in my small town don’t carry the type of ring I like (quality gemstone in yellow gold) so for us that left online. He asked for info so I made a folder of bookmarks on his computer with my size and a few dozen different rings I liked from reputable sites. After that I left it up to him to choose smile

Post # 19
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I designed my ring :). We decided the budget together (we are really open about finances) and he asked me to look for which ring I wanted around July, so I started looking online. Then we went to jewelry stores. Tried on rings and went back and forth for about 2 months. I ended up custom designing something on moissaniteco, and when I was done, showed him the final product and he purchased it. He was happy because it came in under budget, but otherwise, he gave no input. He knew I’d be particular about my ring so this was the best route for us.

He still hasn’t proposed- once the ring was designed and purchased, I was hands off. He wants to plan the proposal and make it memorable. So I wait :). He said by the end of October though!

Post # 20
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

airoplane :  We selected the ring together – it was the best part of the whole thing! 

Post # 21
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I’ve been a raw/polished gemstone collector since I was 10. My absolute favorites were amethysts. Then I met my fiancé, and his strikingly blue eyes inspired me change my preference to aquamarines. One day, he started asking about what style rings I liked. I sent him some pictures, he sent me some too and, from that exchange, he went to a local jeweler and had a ring custom-made for me with side aquamarines and a pretty princess-cut diamond. Turned out more beautiful than the inspiration photos, and super meaningful to us. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
692 posts
Busy bee

I definitely did a lot of the work picking out diamond/setting. I’m super particular and if we’re investing a chunk of change into a ring I want it to be exactly what I want! I love my SO but I don’t trust his style hahah and he’s already tried to show me different settings that I would never want so I’m very thankful I had the foresight to get involved. I ended up finding our diamond and setting on my own, but I think each couple is different. My SO was very much in the mind set that “it’s your ring you have to wear it so get what you want”, others may not be that laid back about it. I’d see what your SO has in mind on your involvement!

Good luck!

Post # 23
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We went to a store together. One store! We looked at probably a dozen rings but I kept going back to the second ring we looked at. We both knew at that point that we wanted to get married so he ordered it right then and there. It’s something I wear every day, so I’m glad we both really like it and that we picked it out together.

Post # 24
24 posts

My husband wanted me to pick out the ring so that I would get exactly what I wanted.  I don’t think he wanted the stress of pleasing me although I’m certain he would have picked something I’d like.  I don’t really wear jewelry and he’s never bought me any.  Neither of us like surprises.

We shopped together, but he didn’t have much of an opinion – he just wanted me to be happy.  At the jeweler we eventually went with, everything is custom so while you can try things on in the store, you don’t see your exact ring until it has been made.  They did send us a rendering of the ring.  Once my husband swiped his credit card, that was the last time I was in contact with the jeweler.  I didn’t know when the ring was eventually ready or when he picked it up.  So technically I didn’t know exactly when he’d propose.

He held onto the ring for a few months and proposed in the middle of his busy season at work – he wanted to surprise me because he thought I’d assume he’d propose after the busy season was over.  It was just a random day after I got home from work, so while I knew he was going to propose at some point, I never would have guessed the exact day.  The first time I saw the ring in person was when he opened the ring box to propose.  It was such a lovely moment.  I feel like I still got to be a little bit surprised by the proposal, while getting the exact ring I wanted and being an equal partner in the engagement process.

Post # 27
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Tennessee

I’m super picky about my jewelry, and honestly worried about sending him off on his own to pick something. I’d done my own research for years, long before we ever met, and I knew what I wanted. I also knew what I definitely didn’t want. I know that when someone special gives you something this important, you’ll probably love it no matter what, but I really am very *very* picky about my jewelry. And he’s just not into jewelry at all, so I didn’t think he’d be able to pick up minute details of different ring designs.

When we got to the point that we were talking about engagement, I think I said something along the lines of “How much of my input are you wanting on this? Do you want it to be a complete surprise, or do you want to know my general preferences and pick on your own? Or would you like me to send you a website link?” He jumped on option C so fast, it gave me whiplash. LOL!

So I spent some time looking for real and not just browsing and fantasizing, found the one that called to me, and sent him an email with my ring size and a link and told him that this was what I wanted whenever he was ready. I wanted a moissanite too, so he didn’t even need to pick out a stone, really. I told him the size range I’d be happy with and left him to figure it out with his budget. We never even went out to try on rings in person (we did for bands, though).

He still loves the way we went about getting the ring, and I absolutely adore my ring. He’s glad he was able to get me want I wanted without worrying about getting it right. He knew about my particular preferences for jewelry, and picking something out made him nervous. He said doing it this way took all of the stress out of the process and let him enjoy coming up with what he wanted to actually say and what he wanted to do. We’ve now been married for over 3 years and he’s still never picked anything shiny out for me on his own. =P But he doesn’t argue when I find something I do want. 

Anyway, TL:DR, my suggestion is to ask him how much he wants you to guide him on the decision and then go from there. He’s said he wants to know what you want, but does that mean he wants to know metal, stone shape, halo vs solitaire, etc? Or does he want you to pick out a specific design or two or three and he picks between them? You may be surprised by his answer. I sure was, I figured he’d want some say on the final choice, but noooope. Lol!

Post # 28
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We went to the jewelry store together to look casually at different styles. I narrowed it down to the settings and stone shapes that I liked, and then I let him decide. I wasn’t that picky, and I like the element of surprise!

Post # 28
187 posts
Blushing bee

We had been together for 6 years and he mentioned taking a trip back to our home town to visit the jeweler and look at rings.  He knew he didn’t want to take on the task of picking it out himself which I was grateful for.  It’s a piece of jewelry that you wear everyday for the rest of your life and I think it’s soooo important that you love it.  I had a private pinterest board with different ring styles that I liked and when we went into the jeweler I told him what I had been looking at.  We started by looking at different settings.  He told me to look at it and then give my honest opinion right away.  You are staring at sparkly diamonds and everything starts to look gorgeous the more you look at it.  Once we settled on two or three options, we then sat down and looked at stones.  First he used fake diamonds to get an idea of what carat size we wanted and then he brought out different stones to look at.  We both agreed on the setting and the diamond together.  My husband purchased it but didn’t officially propose for 6 months. 

If you go shopping together I would be mindful of a pricepoint he’s comfortable with.  My husband and I didn’t talk about budget before looking at rings but I knew 10k was the most I felt comfortable with.  The jeweler set a 2 carat stone on my finger and I think my husband was sweating bullets that I’d pick that one.  If you shop online I would suggest going into a store and looking at similar settings before purchasing.  The size of your finger can really influence what a ring looks like and helps narrow things down.  Happy shopping! 

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