The proposal doesn't make the resentment go away: A Cautionary Tale

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sadlyoutoflove :  Usually ending an engagement kills the whole relationship. How exactly are the two of you working to survive this and try again? I can’t say I’m real impressed by your dynamic with each other.

Post # 3
Member
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think there is a difference between waiting for a partner to be at the same stage you are and be ready for marriage and then waiting for a partner who doesn’t want to be engaged.  

I’m going to be blunt here, I have no idea why you broke off the engagement but stayed with this guy.  All your original problems are still there, you were bitter and angry before the proposal so why are you still hanging around if he still doesn’t want to get married? 

Post # 5
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sadlyoutoflove :  I hate to say it, but you sound like a naive, hopeless romantic. Early 20s?

You can do better than this guy 🙂

Post # 8
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sadlyoutoflove :  Girl you ALREADY TRIED HAHAHAHAHA

Oh you are killing me! I was in your shoes once and I do not regret not wasting another day trying to move a man who would not be moved.

Post # 9
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Yea, waiting doesnt have to be this way! This does not sound like a man you should marry anytime soon.

Im waiting, but my boyfriend talks about getting married as much as me or more. Hes made concrete steps (saving for a ring, picking it out with me, etc). Hes gone to look at venues and weve made a budget for our wedding.

Waiting does not mean begrudgingly biting your tongue until your intended finally feels so frustrated that they give in. This is not how its supposed to be.

This man has been with you 3 years and lived with you 2 years. Im sorry Bee, but if he doesnt know now that he enthusiastically wants to be with you – I doubt he ever will.

Move on and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you do with them!

Post # 10
Member
6867 posts
Busy Beekeeper

sadlyoutoflove :  And if three months go by? Six months? Is it just going to blow up again? 

How old is he? 

Post # 12
Member
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

sadlyoutoflove :  “We’ve been together 3 years lived together 2 and I was starting to lose it waiting.”

But why do you think this has somehow changed? You are both still the people you were two months ago, him not wanting marriage and you losing it while waiting for a proposal.  

Post # 13
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Are you in couples counselling? It sounds like you have a lot of lingering resentment towards him and you two are not on the same page.

Post # 15
Member
1861 posts
Buzzing bee

sadlyoutoflove :  Bee please move on from this guy. Like you said that taint is not going to go away. You were frustrated he wasn’t proposing so you stood up for yourself. Now you are resigned to waiting again? For how long? Is there a timeline? Don’t you now feel like you can’t even have mature discussions with him about getting engaged because it all feels like it did last time? Feels like you bringing it up at all is pushing against what he wants? 

I really don’t think you have realized what is going on here. You are now in a hole. You can’t do anything in this situation but wait for him to figure it out. He knows by now so you are just waiting for something that will never come. And you are prevented from discussing engagement with him or timelines because you tried that already and it blew up in your face. Your only option is to wait indefinitely in silence for him to choose to propose, or you break up with him and move on to someone else. 

Bee, you deserve a man who is EXCITED to propose. Excited to marry you, and have those conversations and tell you he loves you and can’t wait for your wedding. This current situation is so forced. And relationships that are right for both people aren’t that hard. You said you want to know you gave it your all? YOu did! You lived with him for 2 years! You stood up for yourself and said you wanted an engagement and were willing to walk away. You in those moments gave him all you had. And it didnt work out. So you do know you gave it your all. You did it. And it didnt’ work out. And that is ok! Move on bee. 

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