(Closed) The relationship is done. He's alright. (Update).

posted 6 years ago in Secular
Post # 3
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I’m glad you stuck to your guns and went through with it. it may have been sucky to break up now but it will save both you and him a lot of heart break down the line. better to learn now you two aren’t compatible.

Post # 4
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@EmilyInIdaho:  I saw the other threads & totally hope this isn’t adding to any kind of religeous debate.  As someone who was raised & still is Christian, I’ve been in relationships with people who aren’t & totally thought it would work out somehow – It did not.  I also watched my brother who is not religious go through a marriage where he went to church & did everything she wanted for 13 years (even though it still wasn’t what believed) before they divorced.  I know some people have found ways to make it work, but I think it’s rare.  I truely believe in the long run, you’re doing him a favor.  He may think he’s OK with it now and years down the road regret it.  And it could very well be the same for you.  I think you’ve already figured most of this out though :).

This is totally not meant to say one thing either way on the debate.  Just wanted you to be able to think of it that way while I know you were worried about hurting him.  

Post # 5
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To be 100% honest…

You did a favour the HONOURABLE THING for BOTH of you.

One’s position on faith isn’t “a favour” it is a way of life.  And therefore HONOURABLE.  Period.

Hard to change.

(( HUGS )) to you because I know it wasn’t easy

But I am a BIG Believer, that sometimes LOVE isn’t enough

If one is hoping to move towards the direction of Marriage, like it or not, Marriage is a lot more than a “love” partnership… (as history has proved out for centuries)

You will meet someone more suited to you in the long run…

I promise it’ll happen.

And THEN you’ll realize WHY you were meant to make this difficult choice on the crossroads of life now.

Trust me… you chose the right fork in the road for BOTH of you.

Take care.


Post # 7
111 posts
Blushing bee

@EmilyInIdaho:  Glad to hear that he took it well. Good luck to the both of you.

Post # 8
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m glad that it went well….I know it couldn’t have been easy.  I hope that you are doing OK too!

Post # 9
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Am I the only one That can taste the irony in this situation? Joining a wedding website, and it convinces you that you are not compatible with your SO And you break up. Oh well, alls well that ends well.

Post # 10
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wishing both of you all the best as you move on. It was an eminently sensible move.

Post # 12
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@EmilyInIdaho:  That stinks, but all the best. I am really happy you were able to realize this now instead of 5 years down the road when you feel suffocated, or when you have kids and need to determine how to raise them. 


Best of luck to you guys. I’m glad he handled it well, though obviously both of you must be devistated. Be careful with being friends. Sometimes you need distance first for a breakup before you can build a friendship.

Post # 13
1460 posts
Bumble bee

Very mature of you to attempt the cleanest break possible instead of wanting to drag it out, I hope he allows both of you to move on. Best of luck.

Post # 14
10016 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@EmilyInIdaho:  My crystal ball is telling me that one day you’ll regret this.  But I wish you all the best.

Post # 15
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As an atheist, I completely support your decision.  I have been very surprised at the harsh words thrown at you, when really, I think you were just at a crosssroads.  You learned something about YOURSELF, how can that be a bad thing?   I don’t think you’ll regret it at all, you didn’t go into or out of this relationship without a lot of thought.  You are who you are and he is who he is.  Period.

All the best to you.  

Post # 16
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve just read the other threads and it’s your decision, thisis very sad and I though I would add a quick comment as my parents are in the same. My mumis a christian, my dad is an atheist, they have been happily married for 35 years.

My dad knows the bible and does not not try and convert her away from her religion and similarly she does not try and convert him and accepts accpts that her faith is just that – faith  and that she has no evidence for it.

He occasionally accompanied her to church and as small children we said grace before meals, but were never had religion forced on us and from a young age we just concidered grace something that we did because it was important to her, not because we believed it. As we grew up (both my sister and I are atheists) we all stopped saying grace, her included.

We both have a good knowledge of christianity without believing it ourselves and neither of us growing up felt any sort of struggle or conflict for our minds. In fact it was quite good in someways. Religion is still a big force in the world and you can’t argue against something you don’t understand. Also most of the Jesus teachings are generally agood way to live your life (the less said about the old testiment the better), you don’t needto be religious to accept that the parable of the good samaritan is a very worthy moral story.

Obviously it’s your choice, but do ask yourself and try and work out why you find it so hard to accept his faith.

From personal experience, the kids turn out fine.

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