Post # 1
I have been reading the boards on wedding bee for a few weeks – and have finally decided to sign up. I’m not too familiar with all of the terminology, so please bare with me!
BG: I am 21 years old, my lovely OH is 6 and a half years older than me so is coming up 28. We have been together for over 4 years, and have lived together for 3. We bought our first house two years ago, and will be moving into our second house in 4 weeks. As most couples, we are excited about the prospect of being married. I’m pretty sure OH would like to be engaged sometime before the end of the year 🙂
We were at a family meal the other day, and a relative of mine asked about when we would be getting married. OH answered that we would like to in the next couple of years. Surprisingly she responded that I was far too young and I should wait to be engaged until I was at least 25.
Ive never really thought that perhaps I was too young for marriage – I’ve always thought that when you feel it’s right, then it’s right! So i’d like to hear other peoples opinions, on when is the ‘right time’ to be married and also what you think of my situation.
Thank you for reading my first post!
Post # 2
Well, its different for everyone, but my mothers hard and fast rule was “Don’t get married until youre at least 25”. I guess something with divorce rates reflects that, but obviously there are many other factors. But, it has stuck with me.
Logically, you still change a lot between 21 and 25, and actually throughout your entire life after.
I’m 24 now. If I married the man i was in love with at 21, who I thought i would marry at the time, I know I would be miserable now. I was still a kid in college, no career, I don’t think I even had my own apartment yet.
But, some people marry at 18 and live happily ever after!
It depends on the couple, where they are at financially, career wise, and if their goals line up.
Post # 3
You sound like you have your shit wayyyy more together than most people do, even if they are 25! Age is absolutely just a number. If you feel ready and secure in your relationship, get engaged and married as soon as you want. There is no rule saying that you have to wait until a certain age. When I was a senior in college, I felt like I was ready to get married– I just didn’t want to deal with planning a party and all that jazz until after I graduated. This is YOUR relationship and YOUR timeline, so do what works for you. I guarantee that even if you did wait until you were 25, there would be a hundred people telling you that you were too young and had to wait. You don’t have to do or not do anything– it’s entirely up to you, and from the info you gave, it sounds like you’re in a really good place right now. Why wait?
Post # 4
It sounds like you guys are happily living in a home together and making financial decisions together. Marriage is similarly committing.. yet also different. Other people’s opinions can hurt, but the most important opinion is yours. I would stick to deciding between you and your SO when marriage is right rather weighing so heavily on a comment made over dinner. Did you have familial emotional support when buying the house? or were there people then saying you were too young to invest in a home?
Post # 5
There is of course no “right time”, but I do agree that you are fairly young at this point and that age gap is still pretty substantial. 6.5 years when you are early 20’s and late 20’s is a substantial spread. It doesn’t feel like it now but in the next few years you will grow a TON…mentally and emotionally.
Post # 6
I’ll be married in a few months & I’m 22 & my Fiance is 23. People told us we wouldn’t stay together when we went away to college, then we were too young to move in together at 19, too young to get engaged at 20. You know your relationship better than anyone else. Don’t let other people get you down.
Post # 7
Haha, thank you very much! Both of us have worked really hard to put us into a comfortable position early in our lives. I agree with you entirely, I would feel like I was waiting just for the sake of it. 🙂
Post # 8
My parents were initially wary of OH in the first few months when we got together, which is understandable considering our age difference! However both of our families have been very supportive in all of the decisions we’ve made together, which we are thankful for 🙂 My family love OH, and I’d imagine most if not all (except above relative 😉 )would be over the moon when we do get engaged.
Post # 9
I’d also like to add that I am in the UK, as I’m sure there’ll be cultural differences as to ‘when the time is right!’ 🙂
Post # 10
Normally, I suppose I’d support the idea of someone waiting but that’s more like, don’t make that kind of a commitment to someone until you’ve really had a chance to get to know yourself, really know them, feel like life is fairly stable, etc. Like you’ve said, you guys have been together for a while and have things quite figured out!
Frankly, the only real reason for waiting would be to see if you two break up. That’s a horrible reason for waiting, in my opinion. If you two aren’t having relationship problems, and you want to be with him, there’s no one else’s timing that matters. If it’s right for you–get engaged and married soon!
If however, that person’s comment is making you feel hesitant at all or wonder if you should wait a little longer, definitely take that into serious consideration. The fact is you are young and if YOU want to wait or aren’t sure it feels “right”, yet, then don’t rush either.
FWIW-my parents are celebrating 43 years together this year. And they got married at 19 and 20. Age doesn’t immediately make or break a marriage 🙂 plenty of older couples get divorced or don’t work out, too. There’s no hard and fast rule about when the right time is!
Post # 11
Thank you for your lovely comments! If we were to get engaged before the end of the year, by the time we were married i’d be 22/23 🙂 The persons comments I guess caught me off guard, as most people’s views are quite positive! Although I personally dont have any quarms about the relationship/how I feel about engagement/that it’s the right thing to do, I would still like others to take our commitment seriously.
Post # 12
Since you are asking I think 21 is very young and it would be better to experience life a bit more before making this decision. I think over 25 would be a better time to get engaged. I man thankful I did not marry the person I was dating at 21 and I am near certain 95% of my friends feel the same way about not marrying who they were dating at 21.
Post # 13
You have bought a house together and moving to a second house, I think in this case, age is just a number. What works for some people, doesn’t work for everyone.
Post # 14
Agreed, no hard and fast rules but it does seem like people are gradually starting to marry later in life as some surveys/studies suggest. I guess in our society these days there’s a lot of choices and our generation is so used to having choices that it makes people take pause, want to experiece ALL the things, get the grass is greener thing out of their system before settling down.
Just ask yourself if you are at a place where you KNOW what you want from yourself, partner, values, and generally your philosophy in life? If that’s not something you know, are you ok with being with someone and learning that while growing together? At the end of the day, you know yourself best. But I do agree with some here that say your self awareness at early 20’s to mid/late 20’s can really jump leaps and bounds in a few years. It’s something about being out of school a few years, handling all your own stuff, trying to establish yourself professionally. But it sounds like you guys have been together a few years. And girl, you don’t need a ring to prove anything to others, but only to each other.
Post # 15
I don’t know the correct answer, but I guess when it’s right, it’s right?
I was just commenting to say I love your profile picture. My dally is my baby!