(Closed) The 'right time' to be married?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m 23 and getting married this July, fiance is 25. I know the many comments that people have about it, especially since we’re only having a 4 month engagement. The thing is, he and I are beyond our years. I know I am a lot more mature than most of my friends at this age. 

I had a son very early on in my life from a previous relationship. My fiance stepped in 2 years ago as a father-figure, and I wouldn’t have ever imagined someone so amazing existed like this.We are ready, because that’s us personally, so while everyone tries to scare us with divorce rates or my lyft driver with “starter marraiges”, it’s really that sole couples feeling of when it’s right. 

I think it is ridiculous that people keep trying to lump others in this mold of when and how they should do things.My fiance’s parents were married at 20, and have been together almost 30 years! You don’t ever stop changing as a person, and part of marraige is commiting to growing and evolving individually with someone who is constantly doing the same. There’s some wacky idea out there that once you have a “career”, etc. That that is who you’ll be forever, which is b.s.

Some people are very consumed in fitting this unwritten timeline of how and when things should happen. Everyone is different, and if you all feel you are ready, nothing should stop you!

Post # 17
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I have friends who got married at 15 due to an accidental pregnancy and they are going strong over ten years and three kids later.

You seem fairly mature and stable in your relationship. I will echo PPs who say they would now regret marrying who they were with at 21. I would regret that as well knowing what I know now.

Post # 18
Member
4034 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
ethereal594:  I wouldn’t let an outside an opinion change my plans. My husband is 20 years older than me. He proposed in October (I was 24), we bought our first home and moved in this January, and we got married on April 29th (my birthday month, I’m now 25). All that matters as that you two are ready to take the next step.  

Post # 19
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

The right time is when you’re ready. It varies by the person since people mature at different rates. 

So you started dating him when you were 17 and he was 24? How did that come about? In America, I think that’d get some questions. 

Post # 22
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

I think a good time to for many couples to be married is when they feel ready and a big milestone has been reached- say right before/after a graduation, move, home purchase, etc. We did this and my DH and I were very happy to have officially combined our lives before moving on to the next stage of our lives.

When it comes to being young, it all comes down to the individual. A good sign that you’re ready for marriage is that you don’t need people’s approval for your marriage. You know all the posts on here that sound similar to, “I’m young, do you think I’m ready for marriage?” If you have to ask, then no. Have you two been together long-term and do you share similar views on children/religion/finances/etc.? Are you two able to handle disagreements well? Most importantly, do you both equally want to commit your lives to each other and are you both willing to sacrifice, compromise, and go through the days where you won’t feel madly in love without calling it quits? If yes, then go for it!

I’m surprised how many people like your family member encourage young couples to act like they’re married without actually being married and getting all of the rights and benefits that go along with being a spouse. My DH and I married young because we didn’t believe in holding off on marriage solely due to age and I think many people downplay how important it is to have the protection of being each other’s spouse. Since we got married, I’m DH’s next of kin. If any emergency were to happen, I’d be called first and would decide on any medical decisions if need be. We would inherit each other’s things now, we are able to be on each other’s health insurance policies, and we are equally protected when it comes to owning a home and any other assets. 

I am a very practical person and we saw no reason to postpone having those rights once we were ready to be married, so we got married.

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