(Closed) The ring: I liked it until I found out he doesn't. Advice?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

why don’t you just ask him how he feels about it, and tell him what you’re feeling right now (i.e., that you really think it’s beautiful for what it represents but that if he doesn’t like it, you don’t want to insist on keeping something he doesn’t like)?

Post # 4
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You should wear a ring that you love and is meaningful to you.  The purpose of an engagement ring isn’t to show everyone else how much money you have or to buy the biggest one you can afford.  It’s something you’ll wear every day, and it has to fit who you are and what you want it to be.

If you love this ring, tell him why you love it and that you’d be proud to wear it.  If your friends and family are rude enough to ask why it’s not bigger, you can tell them too (or tell them to piss off).  

We underspent our budget by a ridiculous amount because I wanted a moissanite stone.  I get to tell everyone that I got exactly the ring I wanted, and I’ve never regretted not going for a more expensive one.

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I see two options, giving him the ring back and go picking out something that you like/he feels proud about. Or, you could tell him that you love it, you’re proud of it and boost his confidance. 

Post # 6
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@pampam82:  if he really feels that way about the ring ask him for another Ering if that makes him feel better but use the Ering you have now as a RHR the way he asked you i would not want to give up the first Ering ; ) its really a sweet story but if it makes him feel better ask him if hes unhappy with the ring to get you a new one.

Post # 7
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

@pampam82:  Totally understand your feelings. Firstly, you gotta talk to him about this. With my boyfriend, as brutally honest as it may be, I just come out and tell him. Your relationship may be different but I can only advise telling him how you felt, and how you feel now because of his comments. I will say that another perspective could be he was just insecure about the size because the only other important engagement ring in his life is yours, and compared to your friend’s (larger?) stone, well…. it’s entirely possible he said that to let you know he’d be open to “upgrading.” Personally, I think it may have been insecurity instead of true distaste, but if that’s the case you guys can either switch to a larger stone, switch to oval, add a halo, or whatever your preferences may be. I do want to stress that you should make clear to him you had no preference for size and why this particular stone is so special to you. Maybe you can start with that so he doesn’t feel like it’s a complaint or attack? Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just tell him that if he doesn’t like/isn’t proud of the ring you currently wear, when he proposes for real he can get you another one, and you will be perfectly happy to keep wearing the first on the necklace, close to your heart. (And that you like ovals.)

Post # 9
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Be honest, this man will be your husband someday, you can be open!

Say “Hey, the other day when you said X, made me really wonder, do you not like this ring anymore? Because if you don’t (and it’s ok if you don’t, you are entitled to your own feelings) then I don’t want you to propose with something which you don’t think truly represents our love and relationship. Let’s talk about this…”

Just start talking, if he is that uncomfortable with the ring I personally would hate the thought of him proposing with it. 

 

Post # 10
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i’d wear that ring on my right hand as a symbol of second chances, and in a generous (not demanding) way tell him that it’s important that you’re both proud of the ring that he proposes with. I’d say that i’m not expecting anything massive or super expensive, but maybe you could go look at rings together and just see what options there are. 

i think he should be excited to show people the ring, and he should feel that he ‘did well’! it seems he doesn’t at this point. calmly point that out and ask him if he’d be open to a new ring.

i might also add (if you feel this way?) that it might be nice to have an ering that only had a ‘yes’ attached to it – this is a new start, if you can afford it, perhaps a new ring is in order!

Post # 11
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lovelyMsValentine:  I second this. 

 

Sounds like he was just so excited at the thought of getting back together and he went to the nearest jewelry store and bought whatever he could. Also knowing that you would probably say no, he might have thought more practically about the cost. Now that things are better, he probably feels like you “deserve” a bigger stone and just wants to give you something you feel proud to show. 

 

Some women prefer bigger stones so maybe he thinks you might feel hesitant to show people your ring. I think you should talk to him about and sort out your feelings.

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