(Closed) The rudest thing I've every seen printed on a wedding invitation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 152
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

@babecake:  you say that she’s a ‘gift grabber’ – then why did you plan to give her $200 in the first case? if you already knew that was her character?

It’s fine if you only wanted to give her $50 in the first instance – but reducing your gift because of that is incredibly rude.

Post # 153
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m sorry I don’t see this as being rude at all, I think it is some what cute.

Ive had cards that have a poem about cash and also ones that have please just give us $$$.

I myself want to have an Asian theme wedding with red packets with $$

I am from Australia and most weddings I go to at least one of the couple is Asian, I find this whole $5 meal coupon talk just disgusting. Personally if I am paying over $160 a head and get $10 coupon or found out someone was talking like that, I wouldn’t want to know them anymore. 

Post # 155
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh I also want to add that when you give cash the min amount is what they paid for you.

Eg. Food $100 + drinks $20

So $120 min, anything over that amount is the “gift”

Being cheap is $240 to 300.

$400 for someone you know but not too well, save face.

$600 is a good gift for a close friend and over a $1000 is a close family gift.

Post # 157
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Cheekyduck:  Actually if we are talking about a concept such as gift there is no minimum. A gift by definition is something given freely from one person to another. I think you are confusing an expectation with a gift. You can expect all you want but in real life you may not get what you want.

Honestly I find your POV rather disturbing. Basically you are saying that if your BFF or anyone on your guest list couldn’t give you what you consider an appropriate gift they should not come to your wedding save the embarrassment or loss of face?

I am sorry but that might be the way in Asian society where money is available but I very much doubt the same could be said for a villager in Bandah Aceh or Laos or a hundred other places. You really should say in your circle rather than implying all Asian weddings are like this.

Post # 158
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Cheekyduck:  why should i pay back for the food you have provided at your wedding? i shouldnt be made to feel bad for giving the little amount i can just because i want to cover the cost of a bride and grooms expenses…im a bit shocked at your post tbhSurprised

Post # 159
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Cheekyduck: Being cheap is $300? Good thing you don’t live in NYC… About $200/p is the norm. Little more if you are good friends with the person. But $1000??? I think your kool aid has a funny taste…

Glad I’m not going to your wedding.

Post # 160
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

[content moderated for snark]

Also this is typed on an iPad 

How is giving someone money that doesn’t even cover the cost of the plate going to help out?

Where is the gift?

And of course it is the norm for almost all Asian weddingings to give money. You even get money for making tea. You have to give money to another bride on the day if you meet up unlucky like to stop bad luck, it’s money, money, money.

I am even going to go as far with how silly other cultures are about money in regards to funerals. We give money AND flowers when someone passes. I have noticed no one else does this other than the Asian side, all other cultures just bought an empty card and some gave flowers. To me this is very weird. 

Now birthdays annoy me. No party no present is my view. 

I have been invited to one birthday when I gave a money gift and then was handed the bill at the end while this guy counted his money in front of everyone, disgusting. My view is if your not going to pay the bill don’t ask for money or gifts let your gift be the meal.

Byo for a party is horrible, BYO drinks and one time was a BYO food! Just cheap! I joke with my family all the time as we are not rich by any means, but can’t believe how crap most of the functions we go to. Maybe I have been bought up with HIgh eXpectations and what is expected when I host a function. Yes people enjoy and are impressed with our party’s and are surprised when we say no BYO everything is supplied, most people just don’t supply shit these days. Our family joke and say, let’s have a BYO meat to a BBQ as everyone seems cool with this..??

Some birthdays however it’s not always about cash, but gifts. Depends on the person

Christmas, new year, cash, and is expensive. 

Also my dad has been to a wedding that took the money gift first and then gave him cold party pies and warm fake cola. that should of been a $20 – $50 money gift max as it was disrespectful to make everyone stand, over 300 people and was a bs money grab event with no lavish celebration and no thank you card for the amount gifted.

Weddings are about helping a couple set up, not pay you to enjoy at there expense. 

Also yes close family member like parents and grand Parents give over $1000 

To a cocktail function maybe $100max as a couple if they invited a lot of people.

but to a nice sit down meal to a couple I don’t know very well $200 

Last year, as my fi was best man we gave $800 to help the couple have a honeymoon.

It was a Chinese 13 course meal, but the cost was apx $50 per head and $10 for drinks, the gift was relative to the position my fi held. $100 was probably the gift average from other people.

Anyway there are a few people I have to invite that I know will act funny about money gifts, honestly I would rather those people not come as I don’t want them anyway. there is a difference between being disrespectful to my culture and being not able to afford.

now there are people that I am inviting and I know they are, well no nice way to say this, poor, due to economic reasons, so I expect to make a loss and have asked by word of mouth for $9 as it is lucky and there attendance is more important.

Also not paying for or helping pay for the bm dresses is cheap, just wanted to randomly add that.

Now money wise, if everyone did pay just for the seat, the couple would still be at a loss. The dress, the church, the music etc etc. so yeah I don’t know what a cheap salad bowl is going to do to help a couple out when they are swimming in the debt from the lavish function that there friends and family demand and judge them over.

My view is: cost of seat + what you see fit to gift based on relationship 

If you can’t afford let the couple know, maybe you are traveling or moving or loss of job, at least you can save face and not be disrespectful.

Post # 161
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MangoSong:  if you are best friends and the food cost $200 then yeah $300 is cheap because you only gifted $100.

Over $1000 is for very very close family

Now mind you I have not yet had mywedding, these are the prices that have been expected of me to pay. 

I also decided to not have an engagement party as soon as I announced myengagement, I started to get money in envelops. So to have a party and get gifted twice I thought would be too much on people.

Post # 162
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Cheekyduck:  Like I said, lucky for you, your wedding isn’t in NYC, you would be sorely dissappointed. I think $200 a person as a gift is decent and from what you just said, it seems like you’re not having an engagement party because you think you’ll get a larger sum at the wedding.

However, most etiquette books tell you enough to cover your plate. Obviously your culture differs from *most* of the people on this board. We’re not cheap, it’s a culture difference.

Post # 163
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MangoSong:  No because it would make my family give again, and that’s just crazy. To me they are like wedding fund raisers. Also it was a twofer gift, engagement and house warming. 

I have now read the EnTIRe thread, and dear. Oh my, I cannot believe its okay for people to show up at a wedding and not bring a gift! How can you show up with no gift?

It also wouldn’t matter where I live, because if you don’t care about the family or the couple getting married then why show up?

I have watched sopranos, and they also give money too, so this isn’t just an exclusive thing to me and my family or circle I live in.

Post # 164
Member
866 posts
Busy bee

@Cheekyduck:  You are trying to pass off your preference as the rule. It’s nuts to me

Post # 165
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

[content moderated for name-calling, criticizing others’ wedding choices]

Post # 166
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have a question. Some people have said that it is rude to put registry info on the invite. Well where are you supposed to put it then? And, it’s rude to ask for gifts but it is also rude not to give a gift? If people can’t give a gift or don’t want to that’s fine IMO. But I also think that most people who plan on attending a wedding are planning on giving the couple a gift. I think it would be a giant pain in the ass to have 100+ people calling you to figure out what you want because there was no info in the invite.

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