Post # 1
My husband’s grandfather passed away yesterday after being diagnosed with terminal bone cancer about one-month ago. He’s been in such severe pain that it’s almost a blessing to know that he is now at peace. My husband is really struggling and not letting himself think about any of it and I’m not sure what to do. I’m a crying mess…His grandparents have been like my own for six years now and the grief I am feeling is intense. I want to be able to cry with my husband and talk to him, but he’s just not ready for that yet. Have any of you experienced a loss like this with your SO? And if so, what advice can you give me to stay strong and supportive of him while still allowing myself to grieve?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed away last summer and the best thing DH did for me was to just hold me and let me cry. He helped me rehearse the reading I did for the funeral so that I could read it without totally breaking down. Let him grieve in his own way (and yours). Remember the good times when you’re ready to talk and reminisce. Just be there for each other and cry when you need to.
Post # 4
Im sorry for your loss. My FI’s grandfather is on dialysis, his liver is failing and his heart can barely pump enough blood to reach all his organs. We dont think he’s going to make it past next year at the latest. It’s really sad cause his grand mother died last year too. ((HUGS)) to you.
Post # 5
I am so sorry for your loss. When my grandmother passed away last fall, the most helpful thing Peanut did was, as Bakerella said, to hold me and let me cry. He was sad, too, and he cried at the funeral and wake, but knowing he was there, holding me, helped a lot. He took time off and helped me pick out flowers to bring to her graveside, and we spent a lot of time with family. It’s important for you and your Fiance to take care of both yourselves and each other, being as supportive as you can without denying your feelings.
I can understand his not being ready to talk–I needed distracting for the first weeks. Time with family helps, time watching movies helps. Sometimes it’s good to have a project to work on just so you can have some mental space.
Post # 6
Thank you for sharing your experiences and I’m so sorry for your losses! Right now, my husband is focusing on work (good distraction) but tomorrow we’re travelling to be with his family so it’s going to get tough. I’ll do my best during our 7+ hour drive to be distracting and not focusing on his grandpa–unless, of course that’s what he wants to do.
Post # 7
I’m sorry for your family’s loss. Grandparents are such treasured people. You sound like you’re very open to letting your husband grieve in his own way, and I’m sure he will greatly appreciate that. My grandmother just passed a bit over a week ago after longterm health issues, and Fiance was there to tell funny stories with me and my family when I needed it or to take a walk alone with me so I could just cry when it was all too much. Being there in the way he needs you to be there at that particular time is the best thing you can do. Hugs to both of you.
Post # 8
Sorry for your SO’s and your loss. Sending you good thoughts and ~hugs~.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry. At least he’s no longer in pain.
Post # 11
@FutureMrsBLT: I am so sorry for your family’s loss. My FI’s grandfather passed away in June. Then, 3 weeks ago, FI’s father passed away very unexpectedly. 🙁 The best thing you can do is be there as a shoulder to cry on and to be a rock for him. Also, if he’s not handling it well, whisk him away for a lunch or something just to get him away for a few minutes. I found that was helpful with refreshing my FI’s outlook and attitude.
Post # 12
My greatgrandfather passed away from bone cancer when I was 16, 5 years ago. I met Fiance 6 months later (highschool sweethearts <3) and he always says he wished he could have met him. He was amazing and raised me like his own daughter, even with 2 generations between us. I am honoring him at our wedding. I hope you and yours get through this with strength and love.
Post # 13
I lost my sister to cancer june 2009. My Fiance is not a very emotional person usually but I am. My sister was 21 yrs older than me and she was my world, my best friend and the only person I shared secrets with. That being said, Fiance gave me space to cry when I wanted to and held me when I needed that too. He was alwas by my side but kinda stood back and let me seek him for physical comforting except when I totally broke down, and at those times he just held me…it was the best thing, I spoke when I wanted to and didn’t feel pressured to if I didnt want to. Sorry for your loss, it’s really hard especially to loose someone quickly and to something so painful.
Post # 14
Don’t force him to talk about it. Let him do it on his own time, but be there when he’s ready. It took my Fiance almost a year to break down after his dad passed away. It was shortly after my grandfather passed away unexpectedly. I sat with him all night while he talked and cried. I listened, reassured him, and held his hand or hugged him. I’m not one to cry so for me it was just dealing quietly on my own while helping others and making sure everyone else is taken care of.