(Closed) The sex is bad.. really bad. (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Go.to.counseling.

This sounds alllllll bad.

You’re frustrated.  He’s hurt.  He’s frustrated.  You’re hurt.  It’s seems like a viscious cycle :/

Post # 4
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I suggest you show him this post!  Or at least tell him the gist of what you told us.  He needs to understand that you DO want to have and enjoy sex with him like you used to, but that you need him to do it the way HE used to.

ETA: Could you get him to do a bit more at a time?  Like, praise him a LOT for any kind of foreplay?

Post # 5
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

1. Buy a bottle of lube. Yes, he needs to work on turning you on, but relieve some of the stress of that by having lube ready…once he’s ‘in’ is he better and is it enjoyable?

2. Think of specific things you want him to do to you as foreplay. Then tell him. Guys really do like that, compliment when he does things great, and if you want to change something give gentle direction

3. Just start having sex. This may sound weird, but you can’t get back into loving sex with him unless you are actively doing it. This is why you need that lube.

Post # 6
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

I have some anxiety issues with sex. It at the moment, has caused a major dry spell. I get in the mood, completely tense up and get too nervous to do anything. My partner and I have gone back to taking everything slow. Lay in bed making out, if we progress to gettting naked we take all that slow. Nothing is rushed into sex. We take our time with each other. If I freeze up, he stops immediately. 

I suggest you two try this. Take is slow! You don’t have to have sex to be inimate with eachother. Communication is key. 

 

Good luck. 

Post # 7
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

He needs to move past his “hurt feelings” and really listen to what you have to say. Encourage him and tell him how amazing you know he can be, and show him what turns you on. If that doesn’t work, maybe you guys should seek counseling together.

Post # 8
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Since he is kinda sensitive about talking about it maybe (and I know some people are opposed to this) get an adult video that features some things you would like to do in your relationship? If you go out and get it to ‘spice things up’ maybe he wouldn’t take it as a critique of himself and have some fun with it.

 

Post # 9
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think open communication is key here.  have you discussed going to see a sex therapist together?  intimacy can play a big role in some relationships so it’s important not to let it get to the point of resentment and emotional detachment.

good luck.

Post # 10
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

When you’re going down on him, what does he do with his hands?  If he doesn’t touch you, stop, place his hands on your body (wherever you want them wink wink) and say, “mmm that feels good” then go back to his wee wee.  lol wee wee.  When his schlong is getting a bit harder…if he’s still doing nothing with his hands, stop again, and pointedly place his hands back on your body.  “Dayum that feels good when you touch me there!” (that’s you).  Go back to the cockadoo…etc.

 

Then if he doesn’t get the damn point, stop entirely and say, “When I am sucking on your weiner, I know it feels good for you.  So could you please fondle my boobies?  That feels good for me.  Otherwise I feel like a whore.  Thanks!”

 

 

You can choose your own vocabulary, but you know what i mean.

Post # 11
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

There was a time when my Darling Husband was getting a bit lazy in the foreplay department and I had to lay it out clear to him that I need that to be fully satisfied in bed. I showed him just what I was missing from him. 

It worked becasue our sex life is much better now. Sometiems we have our quickies and sometimes he brings out all the moves. 🙂 I had to tell him how un happy it was making me and he realized that what I was asking for was actually going to benefit him too because I am very much like you. I need the foreplay to really enjoy sex. 

If he wont hear you out, you should see a therapist. A sex therapist, not just a regular one. 

Post # 12
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@peachacid:  OMG it cracked me up when you wrote this: lol

Then if he doesn’t get the damn point, stop entirely and say, “When I am sucking on your weiner, I know it feels good for you.  So could you please fondle my boobies?  That feels good for me.  Otherwise I feel like a whore.  Thanks!

Post # 14
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Sit on his face.

Post # 15
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@dannielle89:  Ummm, thanks for posting this.  We’re in the same boat, girl.

Post # 16
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m going to echo you either having a pointed conversation or really communicating in bed.

“I want you to suck my nipples, praise.

I love you when you go down on me, praise.

Your hands feel so good on my _______, praise.

 Go a little slower, a little harder, a little to the left.  Praise.”

Additionally, I would be super honest upfront.  I’m getting in bed naked and want to heavily make out with you.  We need to reconnect and I want to slowly get you off after you get me off.

Are these things helpful, or are you needing something else? Do you think you can try a few of these things and if they aren’t successful, you suggest counseling with a sex therapist!?

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