Post # 1
i just had the most awesome weekend but also have been devastated at the same time. it was my bridal shower, and i only knew that it was saturday. i didnt know where, which was exciting. my mom did all the centerpieces, and brought them to the location. then i guess she had a ?panic attack? and had to leave. i didnt even get to see her at my bridal shower. i have had a strained relationship with her for over 10 years, and she wasnt at my bridal shower. part of me feels devastated she wasnt there. everyone there knew she was supposed to be, and she wasnt. i put on a brave face, didnt cry, and enjoyed myself the best i could. the show had to go on, even though i was crumbling inside.
the other part of me feels devastated for her. something is going on with my mom and she wont let anyone help. my moh said she saw my mom and she was shaking and had tears streaming down her face. she was obviously upset that she couldnt go inside. She blamed it on a “mold problem” and she is highly allergic to mold. but she literally went inside for 5 seconds and went back out. she didnt make it past the lobby! i dont know what to do, if she cant handle 30 people at the shower, how will she handle my wedding? I feel like she is becoming agorophobic or something. the idea of my mom not being at my wedding petrifies me. she HAS to be there.
After the shower, the bridal party surprised me with a bachelorette party. they whisked me away and I had an amazing time. it didnt hit me until i was laying in bed last night, and i just started balling. why couldnt she be there for me? why does she have to suffer like this? it was a miserable night. right now, i suffered through work with pain in my chest. my heart breaks for her, and there is nothing i can do. she wont accept help. part of me wants to delete this post now. but im going to hit submit
Post # 3
I am sorry – I guess you could only hope that maybe this is a wake-up call for your mom and that she will seek help. I can’t imaging any mom would want to miss her daughters bridal shower, and maybe that this experience will make her think long and hard about the wedding.
I hope she will decide to take steps to be able to be there for you.
Post # 4
I am sorry about your mom. Have you thought about taking her lunch and then talking with her? She might be more open, if it is just the two of you.
She may just be really afraid of you growing up and away from her.
Post # 5
If I were in your situation, my #1 priority would be to get her help. People often refuse to see the doctor or acknowledge they have a health issue, but I think their family has a responsibility to push them to do it. Who else is your mom close to? I would talk to all the family members or friends who play a big role in her life and work together to get her to a doctor. If she has anxiety/depression/etc, that can be helped with counseling and medicine, and she might very well be able to handle your wedding if she starts to get help.
Post # 6
Obviously since I don’t know you or your mother, I can’t speak for exactly what’s going on. But, if your mom has anxiety issues, then it can be something that would keep her from the bridal shower.
One of my BMs has been coping with anxiety disorder for the past few years and it is something that can be disabling and it can frequently keep her from doing things. And, small, close intimate settings that are highly emotional and are full with people she doesn’t know, can set off her anxiety. Perhaps that is an issue that your mother has.
Why don’t you sit down with her and discuss what happened at the shower and express how concerned it made you feel. I am sure that her having to leave had no reflection on you negatively and it was probably unintentional that she left you feeling how you do, especially if it is due to an anxiety disorder.
I truly believe that the best way to feel better and hash out issues like this is communication and it sounds like that’s what you need to do.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I think you should try to find solace in the fact that your mom isn’t missing out on these things on purpose. It’s obviously something she can’t control. You can’t force someone to get help if they don’t want it.
Post # 8
Just want to say that I totally know where you’re coming from. My mom has fairly severe anxiety (which she pretty much totally denies to herself). It has made the wedding planning process with her a little bit bumpy. Luckily she doesn’t generally have panic attacks, and she made it through my shower just fine. BUT I’m really worried about how she is going to handle the wedding. It’s a semi-destination wedding in Maine (she lives outside of Boston). She is going to be sleeping in a strange bed in a strange house for the entire week of our wedding, and that is what has me the most worried. The last time she traveled (to visit me in Cali), she literally unravelled at the seams. She was a crying miserable mess for the entire trip, and for almost a month after. All I can say is that my mom is in therapy now, and it sounds like that is probably what your mom needs too. Actually, I’m not sure that the therapy is helping yet, but these things take time, right?