(Closed) The Shower Sharers

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would tell your aunt/grandmother that you were really looking forward to helping plan your cousin’s shower and you do not feel comfortable doing so if the shower is a joint one. Ultimately, if they decide they want to throw you a joint shower,  I would just allow it to happen and maybe do something else for your cousin (perhaps a bachelorette party or bridal tea?). Either way, I think the support you are showing for your cousin will mean more to her than any party you throw in her honor. You are a good cousin/friend.

Post # 3
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It looks to me like you have two options here:

1. Joint shower

2. Forego your own shower.

I think you should explain your reasons for foregoing your own shower, and then if that doesn’t work, do the joint shower and figure out something else nice to do for your cousin 🙂

Post # 5
6534 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re projecting your values on to her, and probably inaccurately too. If you believe that she would say she’s happy to share the shower with you, then what harm comes from doing just that? Not everyone feels a burning need to be in the spotlight, and not everyone thinks sharing a shower with someone you love is a bad thing. Take her for a spa day a few days before the wedding if you want to add  a special treat. 

Post # 6
8370 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
bridetobeandphd:  I think double weddings are great, but a double shower? I think that’s asking for heartache. Not because anyone is stealing anyone else’s thunder, but I think there’s way too much potential for awkwardness over gift-giving. What if one of you ends up with a shit-ton more presents than the other? What if Aunt Zelda gets you the $300 Kitchenaid mixer and gets  cousin a $25 blender? And what about guests who are there for one of you but not necessarily the other — will they feel like they have to get you each a gift? I would not want to be a guest at a joint shower. Wedding, lovely. Shower, awkward.

Post # 8
7112 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
bridetobeandphd:  I would tell grandma that you reaaly want to help throw and awesome shower for your cousin and that you don’t want one, yourself. For all the reasons you and PPs said. It is perfectly polite to decline a shower, if you so choose. Also, you sound like a wonderful cousin!

Post # 9
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yeah, a shower means gifts. Although, you sound like me and would rather NOT receive gifts… I hate the whole idea of “hey, I’m choosing to get married so I am now asking you to attend a wedding where you will have to spend some money (transportation, accomodations, etc.) and will most likely feel obligated to give a wedding gift/money. But also, come to my shower a few months before the wedding and give me an additional gift. And hey, while you’re at it, wanna attend my bachelorette party where you will have to pay your own way and chip in for me too??”. I would love to skip the shower and bachelorette parties and even the rehearsal dinner but our parents won’t allow that. But to ask people to attend a double shower, especially if some of her guests won’t even know you, is extremely awkward. Unless you all agree on a FAMILY ONLY shower with guests who would attend both of your showers anyway if they were separate. This way, they get both over with in one shot! (Let’s face it, most people don’t enjoy attending showers. Maybe it’s just me).

Post # 10
30391 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
bridetobeandphd:  If you end up having a shared shower, you could always plan a nice luncheon or brunch  in your cousin’s honor.

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