- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
I can’t tell you how valuable you all have been to me during this time in my life. Seriously, you have been my friends, family and advisors when I felt like I had nowhere else to turn. Sometimes I think about how incredible it all is- this network of people from around the world, all sharing exciting/stressful/blissful moments of growth in their relationships and their lives, all coming together to lift one another up and offer support, advice, and to share successes and struggles together. Each of you is a gift and I am so thankful for you.
I am engaged at the same time as my cousin, who is also my best friend. I love her to pieces. Seriously, she is the most genuine, sweet, amazing and giving person that you will ever meet. We are both trying to pay for our weddings ourselves, which I know has been stressful for both of us. Her FI’s brother got engaged to a gal who has been making life hard on my amazing and sweet cousin. She has been rubbing in some experiences that she gets to have that my cousin is not really having (because money doesn’t grow on trees and she really wants her wedding to not be a financial burden on anybody else). I can relate because my sister recently got engaged, which has caused a ton of awkwardness between us (which I have summarized in previous posts and received a ton of encouragement and support about). Anyhow, I was going to help plan my cousin’s bridal shower with my grandmother, but I have just received word from my mom that my aunt (bride cousin’s mom) wants it to be a joint shower for both me and my cousin. Now, this is super duper sweet. I really appreciate the sentiments and I know that my cousin, who is also super duper sweet, would probably not object to it. The whole thing is that I want my bride cousin to have an experience that is all about her. Bees, seriously, she is the most selfless person I know. She is always giving to others and is truly the kind of person who will do everything she can to let other people shine, while she quietly waits in the wings. I feel that she DESERVES to have this nice thing done for her and her alone. But in light of my recent drama with my sister (and the awkwardness that at least fellow bride cousin knows about), I don’t want it to sound like I am not wanting a co-shower because I don’t want to share with her. That is not true at all. I just want my cousin to have her own special, amazing experience.
Now, I know that there is probably very little that I can do here. Someone is offering to throw me a party, I should shut up, smile and be grateful. And I am. It is really, truly, so kind and so thoughtful. I just don’t want it to feel like I am stepping on her moment, even though I know that if I were to bring it up to her, she would say that she would be happy for us to share this together. She is just sweet and thoughtful and selfless that way. Also, because of recent drama with my sister, I don’t want it to seem like I am just wanting my own shower to be all about me. (In fact, my preference would be to not put other people out by having a shower of my own, but I know that it isn’t gracious to say that). I want my cousin to have this moment to shine, but I also understand how it would be more convenient for the rest of our family if we do it together. I just don’t know what to do… or if I have a choice in the matter while still being polite.
Do you have any advice about what I should do? Just smile and to with the flow? Say something to my aunt/grandmother and offer to spearhead and fund cousin’s shower (as was my intention from the start)? What is the etiquette here? What would you do?
Thank you all for the advice! Like I said, you are the best and I can’t imagine how I have survived this long without all of you!!!!