(Closed) The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) August 1-14

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How would you describe the "stage" of waiting you are in?

    I love weddings!

    I want babies!

    My SO rocks, I just wanna be with my SO forever!

    The ring has been purchased! WHERE IS MY BLING!!

    I do NOT want to deal with wedding drama. Being SOs is awesome.

  • Post # 46
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

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    dmh426:  Hugs. Im sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed.  Im sure the hoopla will die down.  I think we are all going to go down that road of crazy once we have our rings, honestly. I have coworkers checking my left hand every Monday morning. Sigh. 

    Bf and I have discussed eloping or having a very small (under 50 including us and photog) backyard wedding, and Id like to do it asap (once he proposes, lol). If we do the backyard thing my sister will be my maid of honor, and his bff will be his best man. Thats it! We are also not facebook or twitter people, so the lack of social media keeps,our buisness private and our circles small. No drama for me (I hope!)

     

    I know this wont help at all if you want a long engagement or big wedding, but just wanted to give hugs and tell you to hang in there! Turn off your phone and have a date with Fiance. Try to enjoy being engaged!

    Post # 47
    Member
    1186 posts
    Bumble bee

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    BrownPlaidBook:  Hey!!! Havent talked to you in awhile. Still truckin’ along on the waiting- so frustrating! We have a bazillion travel plans this fall so I’m hoping for the ring soon?! 

    I was on etsy the other night looking at white sapphire engagement rings! haha

    Post # 50
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    BrownPlaidBook:  thank you! That’s good advice. I should definitely try to find something long term to look forward to instead of the immediate future. I want to enjoy this last little bit before all the craziness starts!

     

    on a completely off note… Does anyone hate getting work done on your car as much as I do? I even scheduled an appointment for an oil change and tire rotation and they won’t even be starting on time. Its like, why do I make an appointment? They promised me it will be done in time for work and if its not someone is going to be hearing about it. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I’m still in it but SO keeps making it harder. He said he has some date nights planned for us soon. I don’t what to get my hopes up but this might be it! Now to find something to keep me busy. Hang in there everyone!!

    Post # 52
    Member
    231 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    Squirrelz15:  being engaged was literally all I could think about for months. I took up yoga, tried to relax and keep busy….none of it worked. We are going to see out first choice venue this week and hopefully sign the contract for August 2015. I am hoping now that we have a date and a.place we can just relax for a few months. I worked myself up so much in the pre-engaged state I could throw up now thinking about it!!!!  Enjoy tomorrow. Positive ring vibes your way, but even if it doesn’t happen doll remember he loves you. When my SO was on one knee with the ring he chose for me crying and telling me that I was the love of his life and would I marry him…all the times he didn’t propose and I had hoped he would didn’t matter anymore. For me, a towel in my hair and in my favorite ratty pajamas in our dining room after a bad Monday at work was the perfect proposal. Mostly because it.was the first time I wasn’t thinking he’d propose! Lol. 🙂

    Post # 53
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    dmh426:  i really hope people let up on you once you have a date set. You deserve to enjoy your engagement! Your proposal sounds wonderful. I will definitely enjoy this weekend regardles of what happens. I honestly don’t expect a proposal even though i’d love one. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It really does help me clear my head and focus on the important things

    Post # 54
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    My SO is making it impossible to SIUP! We are going to his dad’s engagement party today and he keeps talking about us being engaged and what we will do. Honestly, at this point, I want him to SIUP until he does it! i think part of it is I feel like if he’s talking about it that ring is probably staying in the closet for a while. I’m glad he’s excited but talking about it is driving me insane!!! I love him, and i’m trying to enjoy that he’s excited. i’m excited to but I feel like I can’t plan or do anything until it’s official.

    Post # 55
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m out. Neither of us can SIU.  We’re filing house papers sometime in the next week or so. So we’ve been talking about the future a lot. Though neither of us are getting annoyed, it’s much needed talking about our plans now. So it’s a step in the right direction. I’m hoping to get serious about this in September.  

    Post # 56
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    MissZ31:  sometimes times are just not good for shutting it up. I hope you have some good talks and get things worked out.

     

    i’m having a reeally bad waiting day. He didn’t do it last night at the fireworks. I knew he wouldn’t but somehow I am still disappointed. We went to his dad’s engagement party yesterday and someone asked how long we’ve been married. I’m sure he has no clue how much i hated telling him I’m not. I loathe being just a girlfriend at this point, i don’t think he understand how much that hurts, and i was the only female at the party without a ring on my finger. He tells me I already have the ring, but he doesn’t seem to get that I can’twear it  or tell anyone we’re engaged so no i don’t. We have no plans  to do anything that he could propose during. I would really rather have an at home proposal. He wants something Public. So I am really feeling hopeless as far as him ever doing it.. I know i’m being whiney, but if I don’t whine here I will whine at him and that would be bad. sorry, I know i’m being terrrible and should just be greatful he has the ring, but I just losing it…

    Post # 57
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee

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    Squirrelz15:  I totally understand.  We went to a reunion party thing( The party house when they were 16 is being sold, so they wanted one last hoorah as “the group”) and I was the only girl without a ring. I totally could have worn my anniversary ring, though its justa plain band,  but I feel as if it would be worse to explain we aren’t married. 

    I agree with not wanting something public. Not my cup of tea, but the thought of more than 5 people staring at me makes me cringe.  I have seen some wondeful public proposals though.  

     

    We’re going camping next week. But like I said, any hopes of a proposal are gone until December or so. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    MissZ31:  thanks! i know our times will come soon enough but sometimes its still so hard waiting. Thats why I come here. It helps knowing you’re not alone. Thats disappointing that there isn’t a chance till december. Any chance he’s trying to throw you off? If not, December will be here before we know it, but it’s still so hard to wait at times. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee

    Goodness, I need to shut up now. I’m glad I found this site. Him not proposing is making me resentful, it’s just I don’t get it. He claims to be waiting to be ready, that he needs money for a ring, and that we need money for a house and a wedding. I tell him I don’t need a wedding, and he said that I do, he knows that I do. But I’m really willing to give that up to marry him but he won’t budge. Lately, we are constantly fighting over this. All the time, he says why can’t I just enjoy things how they are right now? I feel like such a brat, I pick fights and he gets upset and then he acts like nothing happened bc he loves me and he says he understands how hurt I am but that he loves me and that we have to wait. 

    A lil background: He’s divorced, 33, & sadly doesn’t see his older children. I just turned 28, never been married, he’s been my only Boyfriend or Best Friend. We lost our daughter in 2012 at 25 weeks due to complications of my high risk pregnancy, and recently had a son in March. I told him when I got pregnant with our daughter not to take me to a court house just bc I was pregnant, I told him that’s not a reason to marry me. MArry me because I’m it for you.

     

    And I think I’m going insane and he is more upset is because my family was here recently for my nice’s sweet 15 and they kept asking him about it. Got me all excited and I started asking and bugging him too. I was fine until this weekend, it turned into a big fight bc his mom told me how quickly he married his ex-wife (they didn’t date very long) and that he bought her a car and house, and that she was pure before he took her to the courthouse. That all his brothers’ wives were pure, yada yada. I guess I feel really cheap because I always thought I would be waiting until my wedding night or something, I saved it long enough I thought I would wait, but of course I didn’t…I fell in love with him, and now it’s like I’m a cheap hoe or something. I told how much it bothered me that they must be thinking the worst of me and he said that it isn’t true and that even if it is, it doesn’t matter. Turned into a big fight with me comparing how he loved her. Horrible, horrible. 

     

    I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I am ruining my relationship, I cannot enjoy it anymore. All I’m thinking is marriage to him, he’s really great, but I hate what I’m becoming.

    Post # 60
    Member
    2108 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    Miley3820: Only you know how long you are willing to wait. Is he able to give you a timeline for a proposal/marriage? I think that’s a discussion you should have with him if you haven’t. If he can’t give you a timeline, I would tell him that you need a timeline by X date. There is a you in this relationship too, and you also have needs. You are not a cheap hoe for having sex with someone you love. This isn’t something you can change, and his family should not be treating you like that. I know its hard when they are constantly bothering you about when you will get married. I think your first step here is to find out a timeline with your SO, and then decide if that’s something you can live with. Its really hard once the resentment set in. I was starting to resent my SO. I finally asked him if he was serious about ring shopping and we went a few days later (had he not been serious, I would have had to determine how long I was willing to wait). This situation doesn’t sound like ine that is going to get better by shutting it up. I think you will just end up resenting him more. If and when you get a timeline, then you can maybe shut it up until that timeline passes.

    The topic ‘The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) August 1-14’ is closed to new replies.

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