(Closed) The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) August 1-14

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How would you describe the "stage" of waiting you are in?

    I love weddings!

    I want babies!

    My SO rocks, I just wanna be with my SO forever!

    The ring has been purchased! WHERE IS MY BLING!!

    I do NOT want to deal with wedding drama. Being SOs is awesome.

  • Post # 61
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee

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    Squirrelz15:  he hates the timeline talk, he stated that you cannot plan something that he wants to do. That I always ruin surprises and that I should understand that there’s not enough money right now. I think our families (both) comments made things worse. Mine asking & his comparing his ex wife & I. I know he told my niece that he was thinking maybe in 1-2 years when she asked him privately because he wants us to enjoy our son after losing our daughter and that he will have saved up enough. But it irks me that he won’t tell me. All he says is why am I trying to plan our future when we should be enjoying our present. But everyone’s comments, even coworkers and friends just ruins every day or weekend. They ask ALL THE TIME.

    Post # 62
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    Miley3820:  its definitely hard when everyone keeps asking. What about you as an individual without outside influences? Are you ok with waiting? If he won’t talk with you about a time frame at all I think I would set my own. i realize you can’t force someone to be ready but you have you own life, dreams and happiness to worry about too. What are your dreams? I think I would phrase it as I have these dreams and I’d like to accomplish these dreams with you. I wouldn’t tell him he has to do it by X date, but I would let him know that if he isn’t willing to work with you on this you will have to move on. Yes you can be happy with the present but that doesn’t mean you have to be happy with waiting forever.  Resentment is a powerful thing and can really destroy a relationship if the root cause of the resentment isn’t dealt with.

    Post # 63
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee

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    Squirrelz15:  We have had a talk on our own before everyone started putting in their two cents. We kind of set goals for saving this amount of $ for a home & saving a certain amount for a ring & then gave each other an idea about how much a wedding would cost us. We even talked about it mainly, bc we’re looking at taking on a new carnote (we only have one car ATM) & bc we’re also wanting to save another emergency fund for our next baby whenever that happens, bc I’m high-risk.

    I felt like we still had time before we got engaged and married, it will be 3 years in Sept. I felt like I wasn’t waiting a long time, until other people started commenting. I guess their comments are making me feel resentful & insecure. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee

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    Squirrelz15:  We have to finalize our house, which won’t be until September or October and we have to fix the roof before winter and fill up the fuel oil. So that’ll be around 2-3 grand. On top of that he blew up his motor. So thats another 2 grand. On top of down payment on a house. That’s about 20 grand. He has expressed wanting to live together for about a year before he proposes. December will be 10 months.

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

     

    Miley3820:  I know it’s hard, but try not to let other people affect your opinion. If you’re happy with the plan you have set up, then that is good. I hope things get better for you. Do something for you, go out with friends, new hobby, something to maybe help take your mind off things. Good luck!!!

     

     

    MissZ31:  Goodness, you are a busy bee (no pun intented, though it works lol). I’m hoping for a holiday proposal for you then and no more hiccups in the road! It sounds like even without a proposal you have a lot to look forward too 🙂

    Post # 66
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee

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    Miley3820:  I’ve learned people’s opinions will change. It’s either ” It’s about time” or “Wow. Isn’t it too soon for that.” Don’t let it get to you. As long as you’re ok with it, then its fine.

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    Squirrelz15:  Definitely a busy bee (lol). We have a lot to look forward to. I’m fortunate that we’ll have so much done before a wedding in the next few years (whenever it happens) to where we can enjoy being married versus finding a house and not having  the same down payment thats available now. So there’s the positive in this. I’m hoping for something,  but it’ll happen. I’m just so excited to be a homeowner. 

    I’m hoping yours comes soon even though I enjoy talking to you. It seems as yours is just a matter of weeks. I keep waiting for the “I’m engaged” post.

    Post # 67
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    MissZ31:  there are definitely good things coming for you. It is nice to have at least a lot of ducks in a row. SO owns the house we live in. He had it before we started dating. So, I definitely hear you there.

    I hope mine is in the near future. He was talking about proposal ideas and he said something about our state fair which is only about 2 weeks away! He threw out a bunch of other ideas too, but I think it will be soon. Nothing says we can’t still talk once it happens though, although I obviously won’t frequent the SIUP anymore, I’ll still check in. I will miss all the supportive ladies here! You guys have really been my rock thriugh all this. For now, I’m still a part of it though 🙂

    Post # 68
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    thanks for the advice ladies. Definitely going to stay positive and find something to distract myself with. Like my son.

    Post # 69
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Well ladies, I don’t think mine is happening anytime soon.  I really thought it’d be while we’re on vacation at Disney in September, but he’s running out of time to order ring.  Said he was buying ring after his dad’s estate settles, but there has been zero talk, and zero movement, even after it’s finally settled & closed. I’m at the point I REFUSE to bring it up.  

    Now, granted, we’ve been busy since my oldest left, and he’s been wonderful throughout, even cleaning out a closet in his bedroom for my “future” use, but I think he’s just saying stuff he knows I want to hear.  I really will be surprised if it’s this year.

    I guess I’m the “ye of little faith,” but at my age, there’s just not a whole lot of patience left in me.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by anniebean.
    Post # 70
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    anniebean:  i think many of us have felt that way at one point or another. I understand not wanting to bring it up though. i really hope he comes around for you soon!!

    Post # 71
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

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    Squirrelz15:  Thank you.  It’s hitting hard today, and can’t vent to him.  My kids, and my parents, are all convinced it’ll happen at Disney so I’ve been trying to kill the thought before disappointment sets in.  I’ll be disappointed enough for all of us, but won’t be the first time.

    Don’t get me wrong, he’s wonderful, but I just don’t think he’s “there” yet, nor do I think he will be anytime soon.

    He could completely shock me, but I’m not holding my breath.  He sucks at keeping a secret so I think I’d know if he was planning something.

    Post # 72
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee

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    anniebean:  how old are you Anniebean? Have you been together long?

    which Disney? He could surprise you, it would be really sweet. Sending you positive vibes!

    Post # 73
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

     

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    Miley3820:  Thank you!  I’m 37, he’s 41.  We’ve been dating a little over a year & half, but have known each other thru work for 6 years.

    We’re going to Disney World in Florida.  We both love it there.

    Post # 74
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee

    oh, I hope your vacation turns into a. Wonderful surprise. I would love to go with SO but its been so many years since I’ve gone and I wouldn’t know where to start planning lol.

    Post # 75
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    anniebean:  i know what you mean. My SO sucks at secrets too, so I understand why it would be hard to believe he’s up to anything if you can’t see it Coming. I really hope you still have a wonderful trip regardless of what happens. I’m so sorry that he’s not ready. It Sucks when you and your SO aren’t on the same page. I hope he comes around soon, and that you can find happiness either way.

    The topic ‘The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) August 1-14’ is closed to new replies.

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