(Closed) The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) January 16 – 31, 2015

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What's Your Favourite Morning Drink?
    Water : (10 votes)
    23 %
    Juice : (4 votes)
    9 %
    Coffee : (19 votes)
    43 %
    Tea : (11 votes)
    25 %
    Nothing : (0 votes)
  • Post # 76
    Member
    2020 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

     

    View original reply
    emersonelizabeth:  That sounds so nice! I’m so glad you were able to have a calm and rational conversation and it sounds like he’s thinking along the same lines as you time line wise. That will help your patience so much and hopefully keep him calm when the conversation about rings and future come up. Best of luck zipping your lips 😉

    Post # 77
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee

    SO promised he will propose during summer so this is where the real waiting and SIUP begins.

    Post # 78
    Member
    5789 posts
    Bee Keeper

    3 more days to go Bees- we can do this

    Post # 79
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    WhiteRose07:  

    I totally know what you mean about imaginging coming home and telling everyone! It does make you wonder what they are thinking to not do it in these amazing places lol … but I guess we have to trust that they will do it in their own special way right?

    I hope I’m not intruding, but can you tell me more about your meltdown? I feel like im on the edge of one lol – I don’t know a thing and he just keeps saying he wont make me wait and we will see…. we had a big conversation about it all a few weeks ago which initially make me feel better but now has just made everything worse. he wants it all to be a big surprise – he’s so romantic and traditional. and a big part of me wants that – but it’s not knowing any details that’s killing me – especially when other people start asking questions etc.

    what was your reason for breaking down? what did you say? how did he react, and how did you bounce back from that?

    ps. sooo exciting he has the ring – it has to be soon surely! Do you know what your ring looks like? I can’t even imagine my SO letting me know he had it! That’s another thing – I’ve fallen in love with oval cuts, but i think he wants the ring to be a big surprise too! I can’t imagine we’d shop for it together… did you guys?

    xx 

    Post # 80
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    View original reply
    HopefulRomantic2:  well, we were away in a beautiful hotel for NYE… Everything was perfect and I just has a twinge of what if… Then I think he realised what I was thinking and basically told me to stop, that he wasn’t proposing that night. I literally broke down into a crying shaking mess, I told him I had been waiting since Florida and I couldn’t keep wondering, that he was making me feel like a second class citizen and not his top priority. I told him I obviously aren’t who he wants to marry or he would have asked by now (you need to be aware at this point that unbeknownst to him I have known he’s had the ring since before we went to Florida) and that basically he was emotionally torturing me. That’s when he told me he has the ring, he reassured me that we will be together forever and there’s not one doubt in his mind, ring or no ring he knows I’m his future. I know nothing about the ring except that it’s a stone passed down by my grandad who passed away last month, which is incredibly special. i don’t even know the style of the stone. So in answer to you other question… No we didn’t shop together but plenty of hints have been dropped to what I like over the last few years! Haha. 

    If you were to ask me did the meltdown help, I’d say no, yes I got the info I wanted but I know it probably hurt him to tell me and now I have guilt. Which is why it’s been so easy to keep quiet since then… Phew I think that’s all the details, summarised for your sake haha!! Xx

    Post # 81
    Member
    697 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

    I told my SO I was joining this today. He has promised to propose by next month, but I can’t help but feel like he won’t. He’s made it clear that he didn’t want to get engaged until after his graduation from college (which is August of this year). I asked about Valentine’s Day and he said he didn’t have anything in mind, which made me a little sad to think that it’s def. not a ring. He’s very good at doing sweet things for me on the holiday, but he’s also a last minute kind of guy. He could just be throwing me off but who knows. I feel like he only told me he was going to propose next month because I was feeling really upset about a relative’s recent engagement. I think he just said that to keep me happy or to get me to be quiet, not entirely sure if he meant it. I told him today that if he doesn’t pop the question, that I’ll no longer be upset. Some guys just take forever, and maybe I should let him take his time instead of pressuring him. I want him to propose because he genuinely wants to, and not becaus I want him to. He said he wants to, but I’m just not sure if he meant so soon. It’s been 3.5 years and we’re both in our mid to late twenties and financially stable, but I guess that’s not enough sometimes. A proposal comes from a feeling of love, readiness, and willingness. There just hasn’t been anything too noticeable lately that makes me think it could actually happen. Again, I just want him to do it on his own terms and his own time. Some guys just take longer than others. I’ve read stories on here where couples were together way longer than us, so the x amount of years or our ages should never play a factor because every relationship is different. I’ve also told him that come Feb. 1st I’m quitting weddingbee until it happens. I truthfully think I’m overwhelming myself and getting carried away. I just need to focus on my relationship now, without worry or looking 10 steps ahead. End rant. 

    Post # 82
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    WhiteRose07:  THANK YOU.

    Thank you so much for sharing that – not just what happened, but what you were feeling/thinking etc. I honestly relate to what you said so much – I think if I do blow, the script would read more or less word for word of what you just said! It’s so irrational but you just can’t help thinking – if you love me, why are you putting it off? But of course, they do and they probably just want it to be special and unique and I think most importantly – surprise us!

    God I nearly welled up there about your grandad’s stone. That is SO special. I bet you can’t wait to see it. 

    Thanks again for helping put my feelings into perspective by sharing your story – it helps so much to talk to someone who is going through the exact same thing. I was feeling like I couldn’t control how I was dealing with not knowing but now it all seems a bit clearer.

    I know I’ll be waiting a lot longer than you, but in the mean time I’m going to throw myself into my work and some new hobbies and look forward to getting your updates! 😉 x

    Post # 83
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    View original reply
    HopefulRomantic2:  I’m pleased I could help, I know the frustration and out of control feeling you are having right now because that was me from september to December. 

    Hobbies definitely help, I’m a busy bee at the moment and I feel like an independent lady for the first time in ages! And I think SO likes that!

    if ever you need to vent or even pass something by an uninvolved stranger, just send me a message, I’ll pick it up ☺️ Xx

    Post # 84
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee

    WhiteRose07 & HopefulRomantic2: 

    It helps so much to hear similar stories and these messages came at the perfect time. Even though my SO and I have had some good talks, I just feel so on edge and like maybe it is never going to happen and I’m totally wasting my time. Its hard feeling like I’m constantly second guessing our relationship because of that and it is making me really resent him 🙁 The ironic thing is that that is really the only issue we have in our relationship, everything else is really wonderful. 

    Anyways, my washer broke tonight and he begrudgingly invited me over to do laundry, but basically said that he was going to be busy and not be able to spend time with me. I think if I go over there tonight I will be upset and bring up a conversation that would not be helpful, so I’m trying to keep myself busy here and focus on myself since lately all we have been doing is having these kinds of serious future conversations that just wear us both out. 

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and what do you do to focus on yourself, and not on the guy or your relationship and the frustration? 

    Post # 85
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    View original reply
    emersonelizabeth:  I’m pleased that reading this helps you, it certainly did me, at a point where friends were getting engaged and I thought no one else could possibly be going through what I was.

    in regard to focussing on myself, I’ve started a fitness/health kick. i live with my SO and it means that I’m out Tuesdays and Thursdays And Saturday mornings. On top of that I’m taking time to do things for myself, little things like keeping on top of skincare, the result being that I’m starting to like myself a lot more, which in turn makes me more comfortable with waiting!!

    i hope you find your happy waiting place soon xx

    Post # 86
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    WhiteRose07:  Thank you so much! Having someone to vent/run things by who doesn’t think I’m mad and understands is priceless. 

    A lot of my friends are either engaged (and of course although happy for them I’m can’t help think – why not me?!) or they are waaaay of off getting engaged and just look at me like I’m some sort of insane wedding crazed loser – the opposite of which is true – I’m not even dying to plan a wedding – I guess I just want him to show me that this is it – I’m the one (even though I know that!) and start the rest of our lives togetehr!

    It’s weird, how we know they are planning it – have the ring, tell us not to worry, and then we still can’t stop thinking about it and worrying and waiting. I wonder if it’s a biological thing, ingrained into us lol. 

    And you too hun – if you ever need to vent or get excited quietly with anyone – I’m here! 

    View original reply
    emersonelizabeth:  Welcome!!! And I’m glad the Bee has helped you so far! If you ever want to chat let me know! Sometimes it helps to just write things down – even just to get things clear in your head – i know that’s helped me. 

    I was going insaaaane for a while. But I began to get tired of feeling like that. I can’t say I have stopped completely, I’m still here checking the bee – but I have no idea when it is coming, and my SO is away on work for a few months so I know it won’t be happening in the imminent future (which I was until a few days ago so disheartened about as I really wanted – maybe even needed – him to do it before he went as it’s going to be so tough and being engaged would give us something to be excited about while he is away).

    So anyway, I’ve thrown myself into some training for my career, started some hobbies and volunteering – and like WhiteRose07, working out, eating healthily and really making myself look and feel good. I’ve been so much happier and my SO has noticed. I want to be the girl I was when he fell in love with me – confident, busy, proud, no worries. Not a whiney, self conscious, impatient worrier obsessed about a proposal, which is what I can see when I look in the mirror now, and that’s not me.

    Although saying that, I dreamt last night that he proposed to me with a ring made of a massive bit of sushi… whatever that’s about! Hahah – I can’t help but laugh!

    xxx

    Post # 87
    Member
    5789 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    HopefulRomantic2:  “Having someone to vent/run things by who doesn’t think I’m mad and understands is priceless”  That’s exactly why I love this thread. I’ve been trying so hard to do the SIUP (sometimes it’s easy & sometimes it’s a conscious effort) for several reasons others have mentioned- I don’t want a proposal I pressured him into. I don’t want to spoil what is otherwise a great relationship over this. He wants it to be a surprise. And, this has been a big reason lately- my pride & self esteem! As one of you ladies mentioned, not being engaged still can make me feel like a second class citizen, not a top priority. Another Bee on here put my feelings into words really nail-on-the-head when she said Waiting so long made her feel ‘undervalued’.

    I agree with others that focusing on ourselves is good. I’ve been doing the health & fitness route as well. And as HopelessRomantic2 also says- I want to be the girl I was when he fell in love with me. Confident, busy, independent.

    I think some guys truly can be clueless on tihs kind of thing. How does a guy who has been with his girlfriend for years and knows she’s waiting think a proposal is NOT going to occur to her on special occasions or holidays or trips away???? Really guys?! My SO is one of the truly sweetest men in the world in most ways- but I’ve also had the ‘awww, this moment/ time would have been absolutely perfect’ thought twice – once on vacation, once on a day that is special only to the 2 of us that HE re-created from our first year together. I didn’t say anything about it (I promised myself in advance that if there was no proposal, I wouldn’t mention it or let it spoil our special evening- but I couldn’t help wondering ‘didn’t he think this would have been a perfect opportunity?’)

    SO wants it to be a surprise….but for me the surprise is that he hasn’t proposed yet. When we had the whole embarrassing meltdown/serious talk a few months ago, he told me he definitely wants to get married, that he will propose to me within the year, to please be patient a little while longer. And we did have a really good talk….but I think it’s just really different for guys. They don’t realize that, even if they’re sincere in saying they plan to marry us (I believe my SO is sincere), that what is a stage of planning for them is a state of limbo for us- and it can make us uncertain and confused and emotional.

    I’m going to be honest- my SO is worth waiting for and I do trust him when he says he plans on marrying me, but Waiting has taken a toll on me & I’m not sure it can be completely undone. I don’t understand why he’s taken so long, I’ve even asked in the past if there’s something he’s not telling me, some doubt, some problem, some obstacle, to at least be straight with me because it’s my future too. I’m sincerely happy for others that get engaged, but I can’t help feeling envious of women whose SOs didn’t wait so long and put them through this whole period of uncertainty, whose SOs truly DO surprise them- because they haven’t waited for years and felt that period of hope turn into disappointment.

    Post # 88
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee

    So when is the next pact starting???  I really need to to focus on not thinking about it!!!

    Post # 89
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    rainbowinwaiting:  

    I definitely need another pact too. I was horrible at sticking to this one, and I think that for my sanity and my SO’s I really need to let the subject go for a little while! I don’t know what it is so hard for me to not constantly bring up and want to try and discuss! 

    The topic ‘The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) January 16 – 31, 2015’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors