(Closed) The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) May 1 – May 15, 2015

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would anyone mind if I take over the post and continue with posting the pact every two weeks?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 106
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Ladies, I am feeling so sad today and I don’t know why.  We are a couple days away from our 3 year anniversary and now I just feel kind of blue.  My SO got back from his business trip yesterday and he is clearly very exhausted.  He had to do a lot of traveling, so I feel bad for him that he is tired and he totally deserves to sleep, veg out, and do little to nothing.  However, I was really excited to see him when he got home and he was just grumpy and tired.  Again, I totally get it, but he was gone over a week bees, so I missed him!  Plus, our anniversary is so soon that I was feeling so mushy and happy for him to be back.

    He is also in school right now and very busy with work.  Like I said in a previous post, I don’t think that he will be planning anything for our anniversary because he has so much other stuff going on.  And actually, this is sad, but I don’t think he even REMEMBERS it is our anniversary this weekend.  That makes me really sad, although I am trying really hard to be understanding that maybe our anniversary isn’t the priority right now when he has so much school, work, and travel going on right now.  I feel like I can’t bug him much about our anniversary because he doesn’t even have time to think about it. 

    So that being said…I guess right now my plan is to just try and let our anniversary go…I don’t think he’ll have much time to do anything this weekend anyway. I am going to try to get some takeout from a place that we like, along with a bottle of wine, so that we can at least have a nice dinner together.  I am trying to be understanding, but I’m just feeling kind of sad. I know that he won’t propose, but after 3 years, I sure wish he would.  And it is kind of sad, but in a weird way I feel like I deserve it.  I have been doing so much for him while he has been busy – cooking, cleaning, take care of him, making sure stuff gets done around the house, listening to him talk through assignments and frustrations, etc.  I have been very supportive and helpful and conscious of his schedule and all his work.  He misses lots of events because of needing to do school work, so I fly solo at a lot of things like parties and family activities.  Maybe it is silly to feel like I deserve an engagement, but jeez – I at least deserve something for everything I have done.  Some sort of appreciation, even if it is a small surprise on our anniversary like making me breakfast or taking me out to dinner.  I guess I just want a little surprise or something.  A sign of appreciation for supporting him through all this.  I mean, REALLY, I’d love for him to propose, but I know it won’t happen.

    Sigh!!!  Could use some words of support, bees!  I am so happy to be celebrating 3 years with this wonderful and amazing man, but sometimes I just get sad and wish he had just a little bit more time to prioritze me, at least for our anniversary!!  And today is one of those days.

    Post # 107
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee

     

    kandykane1:  I know so many girls who have had a terrible time on relationship milestones because they give the day so much meaning and tend to be let down if the other person doesn’t make it perfect (or even just a priority). But you have SO MANY days with this man. If he’s super busy this weekend, try to have an extra special date night sometime in the very near future. In the grand scheme of things, is it truly worth it to get hung up on one day after you’ve been together for over a thousand?

    To be fair, if I don’t get proposed to on my 3rd anniversary coming up, I’m going to be extremely upset, so I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’m mostly trying to be helpful. 😉

    Post # 108
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    View original reply
    PandaBurr:  Thanks, hon, I appreciate your help!  It’s hard because I do place a lot of weight on milestones like anniversaries.  I try not to, but it’s just in my nature.  I love holidays, I love celebrating, and I love my SO, so the idea of celebrating anniversaries with him is a big deal for me. 

    In our relationship, my SO has been very busy with school, working full time, and work travel for the majority of the time that we have been together.  The first 9-12 months we were together, he was not in school and we went on lots of dates and had plenty of romantic evenings, dinners, etc.  Then he started school and, for the last 2 years, special date nights have been few and far between.  The last time we really did anything special was on my birthday 4 months ago.  He is just too busy because he has taken on too much all at once.  When I try to plan special time together, it often stresses him out because of what he has on his plate.  It’s not that he doesn’t want to have that time together, it’s just that he stinks with managing his time and he is a slow worker.  He’s not the kind of person that can get homework done prior to a date night…he gets it done when he gets it done.  So…I try to be understanding of all of this…but it’s just hard sometimes.  Especially on milestone dates (like a THREE year anniversary!!)

    And yeah, the sad thing is…I know he will not propose this weekend.  I just know he won’t.  But I also know that I will be really upset if he doesn’t.  Which is silly, because I know he won’t.  But I just really wish he would.  There were some rumblings from a few of friends that something proposal-related may be in the works, but that was a several months ago.  And my SO is so slow.  And too focused on school and work.  So I just don’t see it happening.

    I guess as happy as I am to have spent over 1000 days with my SO (and hopefully many more to come!), I am just bummed overall about this weekend.  I know what to expect and if I want something nice to happen for our anniversary, I know I’ll have to plan it myself (and to his timing, thus the takeout and wine idea at home, so homework and work isn’t interrupted too much).  I just wish he was better at planning and organizing his time…and like I said above, I don’t think he even remembers it’s our anniversary this weekend because he’s so busy.

    Ah, the life of a waiting girl!

    Post # 110
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee

    I mentioned it last night. He got me upsest with his green card application. It makes me angry everytime I see him working on it because I feel like I could be his green  card if we’d just get married. Everytime I see him working on it, it reminds me that he doesn’t want to marry me soon or at all because he’d just marry me instead of doing this. So while he was working on it, I said “oh you’re doing that. You know you can just marry me instead”. He goes, “I already paid the lawyers a lot a while ago.”  

    I hate it. So back to day 1. 

    Post # 111
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    View original reply
    Perfpersnickety:  I know, you are right.  He does deserve to propose when he is ready and not just because I think I ‘deserve’ it.  He is not the bad guy for not proposing yet, but I do find it unfair that he cannot provide me a timeline of when it might happen.  I don’t think that is fair to anyone.  I deserve to know what my future brings too.

    I will say that I am not acting depressed at all.  I am acting happy and like my usual self.  It is just when I am alone that I get sad.  Or when I really sit down and think about it.  And for me, 3 years really is a big milestone because I had two major relationships prior to this and we broke up right before 3 years.  So this is my longest relationship, the one where I really see things last for the long term, and my SO knows that 3 years is kind of a sticking point for me due to those last experiences.  He actually told me when we first started dating that he wouldn’t make me wait 3 years before we got engaged.  Clearly, that has changed…and I do understand things change and that the things that are said at the beginning of the relationship are often well intended but maybe not accurate indicators of what might come in the future (we all have a future we picture on a high pedestal at the beginning!).  But there is this weird stigma around 3 years now and I’m just feeling rather bummed out.

    I know I will feel better by the weekend and our actual anniversary…but right now I just feel that pressure and push and sadness of waiting.  It’s a bummer 🙁  Thanks for your insight – I really appreciate it.

    The topic ‘The Shut It Up Pact (SIUP) May 1 – May 15, 2015’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors